Friday, August 24, 2012

Thoughts On the Evangelion Cast of Characters

Sadisma-chan & Penny Dreadful seem to be missing from this line up.
L to R: Shigeru Aoba, Makoto Hyuga, Maya Ibuki, Ryoji Kaji, Shinji Ikari,
Misato Katsuragi, Ritsuko Akagi, Gendo Ikari, Kozo Fuyutsuki

                                Thoughts On the Evangelion Cast of Characters


                                                                      Jay Agan

     The purpose of the following article is to inform/encourage any & all considering to view the various renditions of the Evangelion franchise to watch & enjoy. As questions & puzzlement may arise on the viewing of such, it is my hope that this article may clear up any confusion in regard to the subtlties of the shows in question & the personalities/motivations of the characters involved.

"Why me? ... Why me all the time?" : Eric von Zipper
1. Shinji Ikari - Probably the most irritating protagonist in anime (Or any!) history. Whiney, self absorbed, wimpy little git. Makes Holden Caulfield look like Schwarzenegger. Makes Woody Allen look like Woody Allen. Makes me look good. So tough he bites nails ... fingernails. Oh yes, he's also a little perv. He's THAT GUY in THAT SCENE  at the beginning of  End of Evangelion.

English voice actor: Elisha Cook Jr.

Would you buy a used car from this man?
2. Gendo Ikari (nee Rokobungi) - Shinjis' not so devoted father. Bad guy/manipulative mastermind of the franchise. When not getting into bar fights he seeks to engineer a worldwide, mass transcendance to his advantage & attain a godhood of sorts. Oh yeah, & get his wife back.

English voice actor: Raul Julia

"A boys' best friend is his mother.": Norman Bates
3. Yui Ikari - The oft mentioned but little seen wife of Gendo & mother of the whiner. So devoted to her son, she disappeared & became a "giant robot" (Really! No foolin'!)! Loving, caring, altruistic ... Clearly the most dangerous of the bunch.

English voice actress: Jackie Joseph

"I'm the emotional 'black hole' who's going to
suck the very life out of you ... count on it!"
4. Asuka Langley Soryu Shikinami Zeppelin Luger Messerschmitt Oleg Gramblepudding whatever of Ulm. - AKA: Asuka She Wolf of the SS. Half German, half Japanese, ALL AXIS! Was originally rejected for membership by the Gestapo AND the Kempetai due to her excessive mean streak so became an Eva pilot instead. Hobbies include cursing, goosestepping, kicking the whiner around & cursing. Hitler madchen with an attitude.

English voice actress: Roseanne Barr

"You gonna' git tanged!"
5. Rei Ayanami - Queen of emo. Second cousin to Yuki Nagato. A cross-clone of Yui Ikari & Lillith. Sugar coated harbinger of 'death'. The apocalyptic disaster at the end could have easily been avoided if she read lots & LOTS of Ayn Rand. As it is, she only read just enough to get it wrong. It was wonderful she was able to assert herself & be free of Gendo ... But did she have to do it THAT way?

Come 12-21-12 resistance will be futile. Like Aldo Cella, Rei KNOWS what YOU like!

English voice actress: Cher Bono Alman etc.

"Look deeply into mah eyes ... Y'all gittin' spacey ... spacey ..."
6. Aymu "Osaka" Kasuga - Has absolutely nothing to do with the Evangelion franchise. All I know is if she was "chosen" instead of Rei, everyones' preconceptions/plans for Third Impact would have gone RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW! For an interesting little "take" on this click here.

English voice actress: Donna Douglas (Elly May Clampett)

Who's the girl behind those Foster Brooks?
7. Mari Illustrious Makinami - Real name: Mary Marconi. That's right! Neither Japanese OR English, she's an Irish-Italian girl from Upper Saddle River, New Jersey. Highly intelligent with a touch of psycho. Failure to pass requisite psych testing for entry into law enforcement meant she was emminently qualified to become an Eva pilot. Not a total nutjob, she's known to wear a crash helmet from time to time while piloting an Eva unit ... which may explain a lot about the others.

English voice actress: Sarah Palin

"What!?  ... It's over? ... Well it's about time!"
7. Kozo Fuyutsuki - Former professor to Yui & Gendo Ikari, now Gendos' right hand/left brain man. Was going to spill the beans & expose SEELEs' plot to the world but Gendo convinced him otherwise. Just how DID Gendo convince him? Bribe him with a Yui clone?

English voice actor: James Woods

"Let's see ... If I eat the cats instead of buying food
this month, I'll be able to pay the rent ..."
8. Ritsuko Akagi - Mad computer scientist specialising in mad computer science. Brilliant beyond belief. However her superior intelligence didn't prevent her from being used, abused, manipulated & betrayed. She should have taken that offered position at Microsoft when she had the chance.

English voice actress: June Foray

"Oh? ... Really? ... He said that? ... Come here you wicked child!"
9. Naoko Akagi - Mother of Ritsuko Akagi. An even madder computer scientist specialising in ... uh ... yeah. Seemed to be part of the above mentioned manipulation/betrayal. Before entering the Computer Science/Artificial Intelligence field, she was one of the assistant developers of  Dr. Janet Lehmans' Total Transformation Child Behavior Program.

English voice actress: Joan Crawford

Every yaoi fangirls' dream. Excuse me ... I'm getting ill ...
10. Kaworu Nagisa - That boy ain't right! Kreepy! ... Kreeeeeeeeeepy! ... Oh ... so ... Kreepy ...! ... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh ... No one at NERV seems to notice something's 'off' with that guy. You'd think the weird hair, albinism & the fact he's so much prettier than Rei would be dead give-aways.

English voice actor: Peter Lorre

"Hey ... Anybody seen my laptop?"
11. Maya Ibuki - A Kaorin (Azumanga Daioh) -like character harboring secret feelings toward her boss, though we don't find that out until End of Evangelion. Just like Kaorins' situation, the object of Mayas' affections is completely oblivious to it & is totally into cats ... & Gendo ... who happens to be a snake.

English voice actress: Mary Tyler Moore

12. Shigeru Aoba - Tough as nails, cool head under fire, a good man to have at your back ... Unless your position is being overrun by butt nekkid, blue haired, adolescent albinos. Then he just falls apart.

English voice actor: Al Pacino

She's comin' ta get ya, nerd boy!
13. Makoto Hyuga - Harbors feelings for his boss but is a little more open about it. It's a dream/nightmare come true for him in End of Evangelion.

English voice actor: Arnold Stang

"Hoboken!? ... OOOOOOOOO! ... I'm dyyyyyin!'"
14. Pen Pen - I do believe he's the one behind the scenes pulling the strings. He has to be the guy who even SEELE gets their marching orders from. Hides in plain sight. Wouldn't surprise me if he's the one who shot Kaji. The fowellest of the foul (Or is that the other way around?).

English voice actor: Mel Blanc

Smug, self satisfied, so full of himself ... Yeah ... I'd shoot him too ...
15. Ryoji Kaji - Misatos' on again/off again love interest. Triple agent (Maybe quintuple agent if you include the UN & Misato.) juggling various intrigues. Posseses certain info regarding various plots involving transcendance & Third Impact. Also has the low down on Roswell, who shot JFK, & the secret recipe to Coca Cola.

English voice actor: Jack Nicholson

"Yes. It's lonely at the top ... but you eat better."
16. Keel Lorenz - Incredibly ancient/intelligent manipulator of history since Biblical times & head of SEELE. It has been theorized that he might actually be Cain (Abels' brother.) himself. Has his hand on the handle & literally runs the world. Which makes one wonder ... How did a slimey little jerk like Gendo Ikari get so much past him?

English voice actor: "Brother" Theodore Gottlieb

The slogan at the center translates from the German to:
"Born For Fun, Loyal to None."
17. SEELE - While the Birch Society & others of the right wing have been chasing conspiracies, they completely overlooked this bunch. These are the illuminators of the Illuminati. The burgers & builders of the Bilderbergers. The foriegn relatives of the Council On Foriegn Relations. Since the beginning of time, they have shaped history & mankind into the cul-de-sac it's now in. In a desperate attempt to 'complete' what they think is a stagnate humanity, it is their hope of implementing an apocalyptic event culminating in a transcendence of all humanity into a single spirit entity. Scientology? Who needs it ...

English voice actors: Harry Ritz, Al Ritz, Jimmy Ritz, Moe Howard, Curly Howard, Shemp Howard, Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, Weatherly Hardy, Andy Hardy, Larry Fine.

My favorite Evangelion character. Unfortunately, she's a Sailor Moon fan.
"In the name of NERV ... I will punish you!"
18. Misato Katsuragi - My favorite character of the whole bunch. Strong, capable, more than competant. Always knows what's going on & what to do when the need arises ... Especially when she knows what's going on.

English voice actress: Demi Moore

     It is my fervent hope that this article has not only entertained but also informed & given profound insight into such a landmark anime franchise as Evangelion. In future I will attempt to review & inform one & all on other anime properties thus giving to afficionados of such, a richer appreciation of our great preoccupation that is the world of anime fandom. Thank you one & all.

Article (only) copyright © 8-24-2012 Jay Agan

Wikipedia Evangelion franchise article here.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: OOOOO! Goodies In The Mail here.

End of Evangelion: This Is (Really) Disturbing here.

Azumanga Daioh: Too Much Cute here.

Aardvarks' Plumbline blog here.

Aardvark Tees here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.

Disclaimer: The inclusion of the names of various actors/actresses are for the purposes of entertainment only. They were included as a lampoon of the Evangelion characters' personas & have not in any way actually done voice work for said characters. Please take this in the spirit humor/satire for which it was intended.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.


  1. The Ritz Brothers? Really? You know that we are majority members of the "I know who the Ritz Brothers Are" club.

    1. And then there's Olsen & Johnson!

  2. Wow. Now THIS is entertaining.

  3. Pen Pen? You are SO behind the times...Frank Welker.

    Brother Theodore? You have redeemed yourself!

    Kaworu / Peter Lorre? You almost make me believe in eternal security!

    1. What!? Ole Mel's NEVER out of style!

      "As long as there is death, there is hope."

      So you're not into "once saved, always saved"?

  4. There are sufficient warnings in the NT (esp. Hebrews) to give question to the "WS-AS" teaching. This is NOT to say that one can blunder and "oops" his way out of grace. A clear choice to leave must be made.

    God paid too much for us to simply slip from His grasp. But if that price is not high enough to suit me, well, there is no more sacrifice to be had.

    1. Not into OS-AS either but rather clear choice in/out as well.

      I do find the notion of sinning ".. so that grace may abound ..." to be rather intrigueing though (I'm joking!).

  5. Replies
    1. Yes! Bought a couple shirts at a certain booth. Check your e-mail in about a half hour.

  6. "Überm Sternenzelt richtet Gott, wie wir gerichtet" translates to "Above the starry-sky God judges, the way we judged" and not "Born For Fun, Loyal to None."

    1. That's what they WANT you to think! :)