Thursday, September 29, 2016

The "Princess" and the Pee: An Angel Beats Anime Fan Fiction Story

Yui makes use of the "facilities" one time too many ... A riff off a scene from Episode 6: Family Affair.

The "Princess" and the Pee: An Angel Beats Anime Fan Fiction Story


C V Ford



"Sighhhh! ... Oh, man!"

Leaning back in his desk chair, the young blue haired man gazed exasperatingly up at the light ballasts and ceiling fixtures. Class not even fifteen minutes in and it was ... what ... the fifth? ... sixth? ... time she LOUDLY(!) announced to teacher, class ... the whole freakin' world ... her intentions to use the facilities ...

And in such a crass, vulgar manner!

"You again? ... Very well," the teacher also seemingly resigned to it, "... go ahead."

"Man! If only the teachers were this easy when we were alive," thought Hinata.
"Things sure would have been a lot less complicated."

A light whack on the shoulder had the young man shift his vision rightward to that of a diminutive, pink tressed "goth goblin" leering a toothy grin downward as she passed.

"Really hafta' go this time," conspiratorial look in her eyes. "Gonna' use the teachers' unisex single down the hall."

Hideki watched her saunter out.

On Yuris' orders, members of the Battlefront were to attend classes. Partly to avoid another mass contemplation room confinement but also to create disturbances in order to see how far Ayoto Naoi, the Acting Student Council President and his "zombies" could be pushed before retaliation. The infractions would also keep them from getting too "into" their classes and possible "obliteration" ... which was probably what the little dictator wanted.

The methods varied:

Hisako, TK, Fujimaki and Matsushita were busy "infracting" in a hot Mahjong session at the center of first row.

Two rows over, a VERY self conscious Oyama nervously contemplating a try at sneaking something to crunch on from a party size bag of chips.

Takamatsu in hard calisthenics an aisle over.

Noda, the formidable moron, lay across two desks in an attempt at snooze, impairing the ability of two other students in their work thus in violation of Yuris' instructions not to impede others.

An obvious though quiet distraction being "staged" by Shiina in the back corner of the window row, balancing scissors, ruler and a broom on the fingertips of one hand in vigorous focus training.

As for the hyperactive dingbat Yui, her non-method seemed to be continually requesting bathroom breaks, leaving for a short interval then return ... to repeat the "process" over and over ad nauseum.

Hinatas' own "nauseum" was really getting to him.

A sideways glance to his buddy seated in the desk behind, he asked, "Just what does that little ... dipwad ... think she's doing? You'd think she'd try something else ... And why the teachers restroom this time around?"

"Act of defiance maybe?" Otonashi in answer

"And she didn't have to tell me she actually HAD to go this time."

"She likes you."

"Say WHAT!?" The blue hair turned full around toward the carrot top.

"Oh, come on," Otonashi urged. "She's always had a thing for you. She-"

"She brings me nothing but grief! Ever since the ball game she's been a total pain in the a-"

"You just don't know a good thing when you see it," explained Yuzuru, "I mean ... She's pretty cute, y'know?"

"Otonashi ... You are one SICK dude!"


"Hmmm ... I've seen that Naoi guy use the teachers loo before," Yui in thought traveling down the hallway past the student restrooms. "Probly' thinks he's privileged 'r somthin' just 'cause he's the new Council head."

In fact she'd seen the creepy one and an NPC enter it two "trips" ago.

"They gotta' be outta' there by now. If he can ... I can! Class warfare it is!"

Cautiously, Yui softly knocked below the plainly marked "Faculty/Staff Only" sign. No response, she quietly opened the now unlocked door. Peering in revealed the space devoid of anyone.

"Huh? ... What's this?" On entry, puzzlement on espying the object recessed in the wall.

"Oh yeah!" Realization lighting a weak filament 40 watt inside her pink and twin tail strapped cranium.

"Guys ... Standing up ... right!"

Fascinated, the girl fixated on the wall urinal while backing up to the throne.

Reaching under the pleated blue uniform skirt she slid her unmentionables down and proceeded to sit.



"... so you see Otonashi," explained the blue hair, "there's NO WAY I could ever feel any attraction to that little whack-job, why she's-"


The more than audible scream could be clearly heard by one and all on the building floor.

"It's Yui!" A more than concerned looking Hinata exclaimed, launching out of the desk chair and toward the door to the hall. "That damn Naoi, if he's-"

"Yup!" Hinata thought watching his friend rush past to the demented ones' rescue. "No attraction at all ... RIGHT!"

Also launching up, Otonashi shouted a hasty "excuse us" to the "teacherbot" as he ran to assist.

Hideki was already halfway down the hall when the red head got out the door.

"Yeah it's obvious," he wryly sarcasted to himself. "No feelings for the little whack-job ... PERIOD!

"Speaking of which ..."

The aforementioned little whack-job fast-walked out a well ajar unisex door and past a now confused and adrenaline hyped Hinata.

"Wh- ... What's wrong? You OK? You're not hurt or anything, are you?" Almost pleading. "If that Naoi did anything to you, I'll- !"


"Don't tell me that, what's-"


The royally aggravated one stalked on back to the classroom, fists clenched, shoulders hunched, face in hellish grimace and in no uncertain terms not wanting to discuss an-y-thing.

Passing a puzzled ginger who noted the back third of her skirt was sopping wet, she pivoted into the classroom.  Returning to her seat at the front window desk, arms crossed, she sat herself down ... hard. The act of which with an extremely audible squish.

"Hmmmph! Hnnnngh!"

Turning his gaze back down the hall, Yuzuru saw a fast approaching and laughing(?) Hinata returning from having had a look inside the small restroom.

Holding his sides and trying not to be too loud in his gasping and wheezing (And utterly failing!), Hinata staggered past and in. Otonashi following.

"A-heep! ... Durrrp! ... Gak! ... Oh God!"

"What ha-"

" ... eeeeeh! .... Seat!"


" ... Seat! ... " Hinata coughing/gagging and weakly collapsing into his desk chair. "Someone left the freakin' seat UP! ... Aww ... BWA! HA! HA! HA! HAA! HAAAAAAAA!"

"SHUT UP YOU!" From the front window corner of the room.

"So Yui," a smiling Hisako looking up from her game tiles, "you fall in or something?"

Matsushita hung onto the game desk, heaving silently in laughter, rattling the tiles.

"Good thing you didn't grab the handle in getting yourself out," Fujimaki in accompaniment. "Then you'd be dizzy as well as wet!"

"Swir-leee!!" TK

Oyama looked on in amused bewilderment.

The reclining Noda, on his part, grinning with one eye open surveying the unfortunate one.

Takamatsu, in the middle of a "cruncher", froze in wonderment.

Shiina, having set her balancing objects aside, turned her back on the scene, concealing her own mirthful response. Being from another era, she recalled her own early encounters with Sir John Haringtons' invention (1) after arriving at this school in the In-Between.

"Aw c'mon, guys," Otonashi returning to his desk, "she's been through enough, she-"

"CAN IT! ... ALLA' YAS!" Again from the front window corner.

"Please keep it down a little." The 'robo-teach' commanded. "We are having class here."

Recalling Yuris' instructions, the extremely amused Battlefronters suppressed their din though subdued giggles and laughter from various parts of the room still evident.

The class session continued and for the next ten minutes, with front members engaging in their diverse infractions, a relative peace prevailed until from the front window corner-


From the back, a lamenting Shiina.

"This is soooo ... "



Storyline (only) copyright  © 9-29-16 C V Ford

1. Sir John Harington (1560 - 1612) Inventor of the flush toilet.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and list of anime fan fiction stories at Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles below this one means you're already there. Don't grab the handle on your way out!

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of any of the COPYRIGHTED names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of the original works.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Sen. Ted Cruz Endorses Donald Trump


Got this from Armand Vaquers' blog Armands' Rancho del Cielo:

Sen. Ted Cruz Endorses Donald Trump

Here is Sen. Ted Cruz's (R-TX) statement endorsing Donald Trump for president:

This election is unlike any other in our nation’s history. Like many other voters, I have struggled to determine the right course of action in this general election.

In Cleveland, I urged voters, “please, don’t stay home in November. Stand, and speak, and vote your conscience, vote for candidates up and down the ticket whom you trust to defend our freedom and to be faithful to the Constitution.”

After many months of careful consideration, of prayer and searching my own conscience, I have decided that on Election Day, I will vote for the Republican nominee, Donald Trump.

I’ve made this decision for two reasons. First, last year, I promised to support the Republican nominee. And I intend to keep my word.

Second, even though I have had areas of significant disagreement with our nominee, by any measure Hillary Clinton is wholly unacceptable — that’s why I have always been #NeverHillary.

Six key policy differences inform my decision. First, and most important, the Supreme Court. For anyone concerned about the Bill of Rights — free speech, religious liberty, the Second Amendment — the Court hangs in the balance. I have spent my professional career fighting before the Court to defend the Constitution. We are only one justice away from losing our most basic rights, and the next president will appoint as many as four new justices. We know, without a doubt, that every Clinton appointee would be a left-wing ideologue. Trump, in contrast, has promised to appoint justices “in the mold of Scalia.”

For some time, I have been seeking greater specificity on this issue, and today the Trump campaign provided that, releasing a very strong list of potential Supreme Court nominees — including Sen. Mike Lee, who would make an extraordinary justice — and making an explicit commitment to nominate only from that list. This commitment matters, and it provides a serious reason for voters to choose to support Trump.

Second, Obamacare. The failed healthcare law is hurting millions of Americans. If Republicans hold Congress, leadership has committed to passing legislation repealing Obamacare. Clinton, we know beyond a shadow of doubt, would veto that legislation. Trump has said he would sign it.

Third, energy. Clinton would continue the Obama administration’s war on coal and relentless efforts to crush the oil and gas industry. Trump has said he will reduce regulations and allow the blossoming American energy renaissance to create millions of new high-paying jobs.

Fourth, immigration. Clinton would continue and even expand President Obama’s lawless executive amnesty. Trump has promised that he would revoke those illegal executive orders.

Fifth, national security. Clinton would continue the Obama administration’s willful blindness to radical Islamic terrorism. She would continue importing Middle Eastern refugees whom the FBI cannot vet to make sure they are not terrorists. Trump has promised to stop the deluge of unvetted refugees.

Sixth, Internet freedom. Clinton supports Obama’s plan to hand over control of the Internet to an international community of stakeholders, including Russia, China, and Iran. Just this week, Trump came out strongly against that plan, and in support of free speech online.

These are six vital issues where the candidates’ positions present a clear choice for the American people.

If Clinton wins, we know — with 100% certainty — that she would deliver on her left-wing promises, with devastating results for our country.

My conscience tells me I must do whatever I can to stop that.

We also have seen, over the past few weeks and months, a Trump campaign focusing more and more on freedom — including emphasizing school choice and the power of economic growth to lift African-Americans and Hispanics to prosperity.

Finally, after eight years of a lawless Obama administration, targeting and persecuting those disfavored by the administration, fidelity to the rule of law has never been more important.

The Supreme Court will be critical in preserving the rule of law. And, if the next administration fails to honor the Constitution and Bill of Rights, then I hope that Republicans and Democrats will stand united in protecting our fundamental liberties.

Our country is in crisis. Hillary Clinton is manifestly unfit to be president, and her policies would harm millions of Americans. And Donald Trump is the only thing standing in her way.

A year ago, I pledged to endorse the Republican nominee, and I am honoring that commitment. And if you don’t want to see a Hillary Clinton presidency, I encourage you to vote for him.

Donald Trump for President here.

Republican Party website here.

Armands' Rancho del Cielo blog main page here. Godzilla fan and unofficial ambassador to Japan. After all, someone has to make up for Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg!

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this means you're already there. GET OUT AND VOTE!

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Porntrolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Four of a The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

Artwork: Haruhisky, Re-colorisation: Alfonso Ling.

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Four of a The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story


C V Ford


Chapter 4: The Fan Gets Hit By the Plan

A further month later, at a metro library branch, Carl accessed the bogus SixSick6 account.

Though things were improving even further in regards to anime and the public, other events were proving it was time to end it all.

A story in the papers and a spot on Fox News a few hours before, had him apprehensive and scrambling to cover any and all possible tracks to him.

It was revealed the FBI, at the behest of the State and Justice departments, had been looking into the possibility of conducting an ongoing investigation into the storys' posting and the resultant diplomatic chaos. Anything disrupting the relations between the U.S. and Japan was deemed possible espionage.

Remarkably enough, Otaku Fiction dot net still resisting in the name of free speech and the First Amendment and holding things up in the courts.

He decided not to blow this off. Recollections of a Yoo Tube poster being wrongfully blamed for the Benghazi debacle by the Hildebeast and jailed for almost a year (1), prompted him to take action.

At a library branch one county and several towns over, Carl parked some blocks away and walked a roundabout route.

He knew there was no way he could be traced. After all, he didn't post the story in his "rogue" Otaku Fiction dot net account from home and always made sure to access it in another town, usually another county. All they could narrow it down to was a very large part of central Ohio.

Getting on Otaku Fiction dot net, he noted the blurb at the top of the news section of the sites' main page:

"Due to demand, Otaku Fiction dot net now accepts stories of a more explicit MA rated content. In order to ensure only mature readers can access said content, an extra password and username is now required for sections containing such content. Please consult instructions in the Rules and Guidelines section to set up/select special password to accompany username."

He noted the aIRtight story to be missing from the old M rated section but still a sole entry on his SixSick6 account thus in the new MA section.

On top of all the other things he hadn't foreseen, this was really offputting. All he wanted was to troll a joke, have some fun and mess with some minds. But inadvertently promoting porn?

"Have I created a monster?"

Sighing to himself, Carl proceeded. It was time to end what little he could and make as clean a break of it as possible.

Going to the Publish section of the account he proceeded to Document Manager.

Accessing the doc he hit the Remove button killing that. Then going to Manage Stories he hit Delete Story.

"And so it ends-," sighed Carl ... being cut off in mid-sigh.

The Private Messaging field had a numeral 1.

"Wait a sec! How could-"

Quickly checking his settings, he noted ALL of them still set on "no", including
"Accept Private Messaging".

Going back, the numeral still there.

Hesitantly he clicked on the field then going to Inbox. The sole entry. A Haruhi in red bunny suit avatar and ... HS.

Clicking on it revealed:

"You don't think you're getting off THAT easy, do you?" HS


For all Carl knew at that moment HS stood for Holy S--t!

He concluded that either the feds were trying to flush him out or possibly a hacker with some skills had managed to break through and leave that message.

As it was, he congratulated himself on the precautions he had taken and was confident it would get no further than this.

Closing out the account, Carl signed out as SixSick6 for the last time.

Goodbye aIRtight ... Foreverrrrr ... !


Getting home later that day found Carl settling in to a net surfing session.

Nothing like an easy, relaxing cruise of social media to take his mind off his concerns ... Yeah ... RIGHT!

He mentally reviewed his precautions. Different "pen name", separate account, accessed ONLY in locations away from home. The PM that reached him had to be some hacker or feddy getting through and on the bogus account only. There was no way-

In accessing his "legit" Otaku Fiction dot net account, he noted he had a numeral 1 in Personal Messaging.

"Probably that Ling jerk," he thought.

Bringing the section up more than brought him up short ... More like hitting a mental brick wall.

"Hi! Just to let ya' know. My friends and I are gonna' pay ya' a little visit. See ya' in a bit!" HS

With the same Haruhi red bunny suit avatar!

"No! ... NO WAY! ... Imp-"

Grabbing the phone, a nervously sweating Carl was about to 911 then hit the brakes and thumbed the receiver in thought.

"This is nuts! What do I tell the police? FCC maybe? That I'm being harassed ... By the feds ... a hacker ... or a ... a cartoon character!? I'd have to tell 'em the whole story, I'd ... It would get out ... I'd be telling the whole world I'm the one who's been inadvertently trolling U.S. and Japanese foreign relations for over a month. There's got to be a-"

Phone ringing in his hand, Carl jumped a foot off his chair.

Keeping his thumb down he decided to screen the call and let the answering machine do the talking.

"Heyyy ... C'mon big boy," in response to the prompt. "I know you're there. Surely you got the guts to pick up your own phone."

In the space of the instant he put the receiver to his ear he realized the voice sounded like that of ------ ---, the English voice actress of-!

"Uh ... Hello?"

"Hiya Carl! Guess who? ... As if you didn't know. We're just outside an' on our way up!"

"Who ... Who is this!?" Carl dreading the impossible about to happen.

"We'll be right up!"

"Wait you-"


Leaning over Carl pulled open a desk drawer and lifted out the 4" barrel, stainless steel Smith & Wesson model 65. (2) The .357 revolvers' weight felt reassuring. He had no illusions about taking on the FBI or any other government entity but a nut job (With phenomenal hacking skills at that!) imitating an anime character was another matter entirely.

His reassurance was short lived. The sound of his apartment buildings' main downstairs door opening in accompaniment with several female voices in fluent Japanese came up to him loud and clear.

Carl kept the panic down in spite of the fact of his recognition of the voices.

Though not usually one to watch shows in their original Japanese dubs (Old white guy who speaks English.) the Haruhi series was one of the few he did with both that and mother tongue.

"Can't be the feds ... the Japs wouldn't send seiyus to investigate something like this ... Kyoani? ... No! ...


Reaching again into the desk drawer, he drew out the revolvers' double speed loader pouch. Twelve extra shots of .357 topped with 158 grain semi-jacketed hollow point slugs could be a healthy addition to any social situation.

Responding to the knock on the door (And wishing there was more time to fetch the 12 gauge.), Carl softly sidled up to the door. Keeping to the side, he swept a hand over the peep lense. No shots or anyone trying to bust through, he cautiously gazed through the peep lense.

Only to see an eye staring right back.

Royally startled, he jumped back several feet.

After composing himself and dredging up some courage in a surprisingly half moment, Carl again chanced a second look through the lens.

It was as he disbelievingly feared. The five real life figures of the main female cast members of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya stood waiting in the hall with objects in hand. North High uniforms and all!

Slowly backing away from the door and to the side, the man put himself in a "fighting" stance with the revolver in a two handed 'Ayoob' grip (3) half way up to sighting level.

"Hey Carl! It's us!" The familiar voice of ------ --- coming through. "C'mon little piggy, open up. I know you don't want us to do the ol' huff 'n puff routine, right?"

"Huff 'n puff, huh?" Muttering to himself. Nothing like anger to drum up courage, Carl tightened his grip on the revolver. "I'll show ya' huff 'n puff!"

Then making with his warning.

"Take off, you ... Or I'm callin' the police!"

"Oh," sing songy response, "I don't think sooooo ... I mean, you're one of our biggest fans!"

"Was," Carl thought as they called his bluff.

A slight weight shift of the revolver in Carls' hands had him do a quick glance at the gun. In shocked disbelief, he clicked the latch, swinging out the cylinder.


"You lookin' for these?" From behind, accompanied by the sound of rattling cartridges in hand.

In further shock, Carl spun about, his eyes being greeted with the sight of the five cast characters in various states of recline and rest on and about his living room furniture. Title character and three holding kendo bamboo practice swords and Mikuru ... a rope.

"NO WAY! You-"

"Waaaaayyyy ... Unlike my TV persona I know what I'm fully capable of." The ominous 'blue bird' set the lethal rounds clattering on the living room table next to the speed loader pouch.

The man made a grab for the door.

"There's no escape, we'll just be back on the other side of the door." Ryoko chiming in.

His hand hit empty wall in the try for a knob to a door that now wasn't there in his futile effort in making a swift exit.

"Or that," the blue haired one smiled.

"Besides," the tall green tressed giggler putting in, "we got business to uh ... discuss."

The ginger with the rope looked on wide eyed.

"Yes ... business," the deadpan gray haired stoic adding.

"A- ... And that would be?" Carl questioned, tightening his grip on the handgun. It would still make do for a small club.

"Y'know ... " Goddess Whack Job rose from the easy chair and began, now in full control, "I've seen a LOT of doujinshi, art and crackfic having to do with me and my friends over the past few years ... Some good ... some not so good ... and yeah ...some really great. Then ..."

Haruhi held the practice sword down and across her thighs, leaning forward with upraised right eyebrow.

"Then there are some that ... well ... Really push the limits to what even we have trouble taking in."

"Like some of the ones by that one guy," Tsuraya put in. "Uh ... What's his name?"

"Alfonso Ling." Yuki

"Yeah," acknowledged Haruhi, "THAT guy!

"But that one story you did ... ," the brigade leader continued. "It really crossed the line. Shoot! ... It flew right over it at mach ten!

"I mean ... REALLY ... Poor Mikuru-chan's beside herself being depicted like that! That bit about her doing all that-"

"Actually Miss Suzumiya, I liked the part where I-"



"It's all she could do to keep from crying the past several weeks!"

Carl stole a quick glance at the petite, well endowed one in the barcalounger returning a confused shrug and embarrassed smile his way. He could see "Poor Mikuru-chan" was all cried out ... NOT!

"You know, it's bad enough when a show gets cancelled. With most live actors, they're out of work until a new gig comes along sooner or later and things are OK again. But with us anime characters ... One usually ends up in the toilet of HENTAI HELL!"

"Say WHAT!?"

"You heard me Carl ... Most anime/manga is one or two seasons and then we're out on our posteriors wondering what to do with ourselves. If your show is well remembered and your character design is 'interesting' in some way ... and you have no place to go ... You end up having to make a living doing something ... else."


"Yeah! Look what happened to the Sailor Moon girls!" Ryoko exclaimed in interruption.

"I was getting to that," the brigade leader continued. "It's been ... what? ... Yeah! ... over twenty years ... TWENTY FREAKIN' YEARS ... since their show left the air. It long went past the point where their show was forgotten and it ended up with everyone thinking that porn was all they ever did. Thanks to a real gig like Crystal they're taking some time off from porn for awhile."

"Wait a sec," Carl in disbelief. "You mean to say you have to resort to porn just to keep going?"

"Not all of us. Some of us are so generic looking the expedient of changing hair colors and styles or just our personas and other parts come along. Others end hooking up or marrying their agents, artists or character designers.

"Some," Haruhi did a sideways glance over at Mikuru, "even wind up marrying a rich otaku."

"Hold on a moment," Carls' mind still trying to take in and adjust to this 'Roger Rabbit' moment. (4) "There's plenty of art and manga porn of you and your show out there-"

"And fanfic." Yukis' eyes narrowing oh so slightly.

"- and you weren't uh- ... involved ... in any of it?"

"Like I said ... Some of us 'toons, as you call us, only need to restyle their hair and personalities and they can be anyone. A LOT of characters looking for work y'know." Explained Suzumiya. "Though admittedly, I have done ... SOME modeling for that Haruhisky guy but it was only some ecchi/cheese cakey stuff mind you." (5)

A glance about, noting the eye rolling on the other four faces told Carl she may have been involved in other (A LOT of!) "independent" projects.

"It's a good thing Yuki, Ryoko and I can bend reality somewhat or we all would have been under the pen 'n ink of all those doujin sickos-"

"And fanfic writers." Yuki

"-So none," the brigade dictator  declared, "and I mean ... NONE ... of us ever had to do anything X-rated."

A stifled cough/giggle from a smirking Tsuraya had the man doing another quick scan revealing a blushing Mikuru, a half grinning Ryoko gazing at the ceiling, and a knowing look on Yukis' face (It's ALWAYS the quiet ones!).

"Just because they didn't have to doesn't mean they didn't," thought Carl. "THIS Haruhi may know her capabilities but she's still just as clueless and oblivious about other things."

The man nervously eyed the kendo sticks then back at Haruhi, interrupting her spiel.

"So you uh ... gonna' ... kill me?" Trying to keep up a front of bravado.

The SOS fuhrer returned an evil smile chilling Carls' blood.

"Kill you? Oh nooooo! Why we- ... Eh ... Put the Rambo blade away Ryoko."

"Awwww!" The deadly ingenue frowned pocketing the knife.

Carls' eyes widened.

"No ... Not kill you. You did, after all, give anime a worldwide boost in general and our show in particular what with it getting continued and all. We actually owe you one."

Carl let out half a relieved breath.

"Which is why we're only going to chastise you for your story." Blood chilling grin more intense.

The man abruptly retrieved the breath.

"Chastise ... as in?" The man again noted the rope coil in the nervous gingers' hands.

"Herbs and spices." Yuki

Carl aghast. He knew Miss Deadpan wasn't talking KFC. (6)

"And it works the same way with pain AS well as pleasure!" A gleeful Tsuraya exclaimed resting a chin on her bestest buds' shoulder. "Right Mikuru?"

"Uh ... eh ... Heh!" More evident embarrassment from the carrot top.

"You'll also note how long the handles are on these kendo sticks," added Haruhi, her teeth showing.

"Y'know Haruhi," Ryoko suggesting getting the be-ribboned ones' attention. "We might later wanna' try the treated rope out on the guy who thought it up."

"Hey! Not a bad idea Ryoko! He pretty much deserves it."

The malevolent 'toon goddess turned back to Carl, her grin wider. "Only unlike you ... He'll be screaming for more ... Like a little girl! (7)

"And with that!"

Shouldering the kendo stick, the demi-dietys' swiftly extended arm ending with index, shot out toward Carl.



Storyline (only) copyright © 9-15-2016 C V Ford


1. The poor guy has been ruined and as of this writing is living in a homeless shelter.

2. Calling all "grammar nazis": Before any of you fly off the handle about me using an ampersand in Smith & Wesson, keep in mind that's how you "spell" Smith & Wesson.

Don't believe me? Look up the logo on Google Images.

3. A modification of the standard two handed grip but with the supporting hands' index finger snugged under the trigger guard. Resulting in a steadier/stable grip. Pioneered by author/writer Massad Ayoob. It works!

4. Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Buena Vista Pictures Distribution Corp., 1988) - A combination live action/animated fantasy wherein a 1940s era private detective (Bob Hoskins) investigates a murder at the behest of the title character in order to prove his innocence. A hilarious movie featuring many American cartoon characters from different studios.

5. Haruhisky is an actual hentai artist. The psuedonym pretty much says what his (Her? It?) main subject is.


7. Yeah ... That Alfonso Ling guy again. As for the treated "rope trick", check out his story, Figure Eight on Fan

Geez! I can't believe I'm boosting porn!


The original Haruhisky artwork.

The Porntrolling of Haruhi Suzumiya chapters: 1, 2, and 3.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page! here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list on Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Alfonso Lings' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list on Fan Fiction dot net here. Warning: HE DOES PORN!

And his Haruhi obsession has me wondering about him. Glad I'm not like that. :)

Go to Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of  their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Bush the First to Vote for Clinton ... Big Surprise


Bush the First to Vote for Clinton ... Big Surprise

Well ... There goes the election ... Looks like this is it ... The end of El Donaldo.

Now that it's rumored George Herbert Walker Bushed, aka: Mr. "Read my lips no new taxes" and Loser of '92 (Helped in part by Ross Perrot who also helped Bob Dull become Loser of '96. BOTH to Billys' willy!) is rumored to be voting for the goblin, it looks like it's curtains for Mr. Trump.

Yessir! The fact that a prominent member of the Republicrat/Demican elite, aka: the Shove It Up Yer Ass Sideways Brush End First With A Twist Party would vote for Hilarity Clinton should convince all those working people and other "deplorables" to do the same.

Pack it in Don ...


Jus' sayin ...

Donald Trump For President here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this means you're already there as well as deplorable.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

I'm Deplorable, You're Deplorable

I'm Deplorable, You're Deplorable

A couple of graphics I got off the London Daily Mail site. At a Trump rally in Florida, the Hildebeasts' "deplorable" comment got co-opted along with the music from the Broadway hit, Les Miserables.

Yes ... I'm a basketcase deplorable. I used to be a bitter clinger but now I'm just downright DEPLORABLE.

Yes ... Utterly deplorable.

As for you Ms. Clinton, in the words of that wise sage, Daffy Duck:

"You'rrrrrrrre! ... DESTHPICABLE!

Donald Trump for President here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this means you're already deplorably there. Despicably so!

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Do NOT Vote Early!

 Do NOT Vote Early!

I learned my lesson on that.

Just received in the mail an offer from the office of the Ohio Secretary of State to vote early. To hell with that!

I remember the 2008 election when war hero/political zero McCain (Actually I voted for Sara Palin.) ran against our muslim in chief. Bilked into thinking I was doing the smart thing, I went to our county Board of Elections and voted a day early.

The next day, the national vote was hardly counted when McCain (Who I am convinced had no intention of winning.) conceded the election around 10 PM!

A couple days later, I read in the local paper that it was going to take awhile before all the early votes would be tallied.

WHAT THE F---------------------------------------!

I still have that sick feeling that my vote wasn't even counted.


Don't be suckered into an imaginary convenience. Do it on the very day! Get up EARLY and get down to you polling place. If there's a crowd that can be a good thing. Folks don't stand in long lines to vote for the status quo.

I learned my lesson. Don't learn it yourself.

For the first time in a LOOONG time I'm feeling really good about a Republican presidential candidate.

Instead of a Bob Dull, McCain or Romney, that is some political animal/wishy washy stand for nothing business as usual moderate, we have an actual contender with every intention to win and stand for what working folks believe in.

Donald Trump is no politician. He's a hard headed businessman who would run the executive branch and lead the country on sound business principles:

Don't spend more than what you have, make or are getting. Otherwise if your outgo is greater than your income then your upkeep will be your downfall.

Jus' sayin' ...

Donald Trump for president here.

Republican Party here.

Ohio Republican Party here.

The site where I got the title illustration here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this means you're already there. AND GET OUT AND VOTE!

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Of Sticks 'n Stones: Something I Found on the Net

Of Sticks 'n Stones: Something I Found on the Net

Thought you might find this interesting. Found it on the interbutts ... forget where ... On some message board thing. It's in reply to some obviously lofty, naive declaration of some kind, on the nature of man and the world.

Right click and open in new tab/window.

Here's text as follows:

Since our hairy asses began to walk upright, we had one major goal as men: To make everything within eyesight bend to our will. We broke bones and cut our flesh rending the ground beneath us into something hospitable in an otherwise brutal and unforgiving nightmare. We fought every beast we could find in a quest for dominance, then, when we stood atop the mound of corpses of every creature that wished to do us harm, we moved on to the most dangerous game; Ourselves.

We fucking chased down game until it died of exhaustion. We beat each other to doom-esque gore piles with our goddamn fists.

Then we realized rocks and sticks work better. We had a fucking bronze age. Fuck your textbook; That guy who found metal wasn't saying, "Oh, I could til more soil with this." He was saying, "Well fuck! I could cleave way more heads than Ogg over there with this sharp shit!"

And we started battling. For almost every fucking ancient city, we had a group of men dedicating to smiting other men. We used that to shape the world into other nations, testing themselves against a tide of ever raging war to see who could stand on their own lust for fucking death.

Samurai, pirates, knights. We all knew them as children. Why?

We didn't grasp feudalism. We didn't ponder their technical advancement over their foes. We knew they were good at one thing. War. And we wanted to be ... Just ... Like ... Them.

Parade all you want about one small speck of humanity that did the same dance as our common ancestors, because you're still right, albeit stupid. You don't know if you want to swim in dark water. You don't know if you want to play with spiders. You don't know if you could eat a raw eel. But you and almost every man alive knows he's willing to kill if he needs to. Regardless of who you love, where you come from, what you worship, you're still a goddamn human. And war is your craft.

That ominously strange website I grabbed the title illustration from here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles below this, means your already there.