Some Non-Theories About When The Lord Will Return

Credit: Sojin

Some Non-Theories About When The Lord Will Return


More like nonsense theories. Shoot, the cockeyed armageddon fantasies the rapture bunnies espouse can be pretty ridiculous. So I'll just list three of my ideas for when JUDGEMENT DAY arrives.

1. Faster than light drive - It is my "theory" (dementia) that Heaven, hell and the universe (The "level" we're on.) are one and the same. We're "resonating" too slow to perceive the universe as Heaven and too slow to experience it as hell (Or Cleveland.).

Once a faster than light drive is developed, God will bring down the curtain and give us our respective verdicts. After all, I doubt He'd enjoy tripping over all those spaceships in Heaven.

2. The Infinite Improbability Drive - A variation on the above that I'd been inspired from watching The Hitch Hikers' Guide to the Galaxy (Book by Douglas Adams.) an '80s English sci-fi miniseries (Not to be confused with the much later movie of the same name.).

According to the book/series, the Infinite Improbability Drive would enable one to travel through or for that matter, be in all points of the universe at once. I don't think God would stand for that. There's room for only one transcendent being in the universe and he's it. Hence, Judgement Day to commence.

3. A "world brain" - This occurred to me from watching the anime Serial Experiments Lain, a real mind bender of a show. The program is a master mix of urban legends, theology, conspiracy theories and other "curious" stuff.

In one episode, collective human consciousness is discussed. Something interesting might happen if enough "compliant" minds on the planet equaled the average number of synapses in the human brain. Could a "world mind/brain" result?

In the "Tower of Babel" story found in the bibles' Book of Genesis (Chapt. 11, verses 4-9.), God confused all of then mankind in their speech making so they could not understand one another. The now various peoples banded together in their respective language groups and separated one from another.

This was done to prevent mankind from going "too far, too fast".

If enough souls could become "compliant" (Be it ideology, mental conditioning, "Mark of the Beast" or whatever.) would that overcome the language barrier thus getting around the "limits" set by God and create another "Babel situation"? It's interesting that the LaHaye/Jenkins Left Behind series of books had its' own "bablefish" set up for Christians of diverse languages to speak directly with one another.

Truly a reason for Christs' return.

The above is NOT to be taken seriously. Just some ramblings off the top 'o my head. This is what comes from too much time on ones' hands. So are some Hal Lindseys' and Tim LaHayes' whackness for that matter.

Jus' sayin' ...


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. You don't have to click on this link or use any faster than light or Inifinite Improbability Drive if you see articles under this. It means you're already there.

2012 & Third Impact: This Time For Sure!

Pull the shade, draw the curtains .....

                                  2012 & Third Impact: This Time For Sure!

                                                                 by

                                                                     Jay Agan

      October 21 has come & gone & it looks as if Harold Camping is wrong again (He has since retired & now says no one can know the time .....). No rapture. No armageddon. No world destruction.

      And for us Evangelion fans, no Third Impact! As for me, good!

      But wait! There is 2012. When the Mayan calender ends. Even though there are no indications that something would happen there has been much speculation about ..... THE END (Roll credits.). It's all bullcrap but then again what a better time for Third Impact to happen.

      So, when the ball drops on New Years' & "Guy Lombardo" strikes up the band (Yeah, I know, the end is actually supposed to be on 12-12-12. You can't be too careful though.), be on the lookout for any hovering, blue haired, Japanese albino schoolgirls in the vicinity. Do whatever you can to avoid physical contact. Fight, run, hide, whatever. Just don't let her get close enough to touch you. You may not like what will happen if you do. That's my advice to you, take it or leave it.

      So there .....

      OK, so much for that. I can only hope somebody takes this warning to heart. I can only do so much to .....

      Awww ..... Nooo! Not you ..... AGAIN?!. It's not even Thanksgiving let alone New Years'. Why are you always picking on ME?! We've been through this ..... how many times already? Twice. Yeah, two times before & both times I've rejected Instrumentality & came back. The last time what was left of me dribbled under the front door & I rematerialized outside my apartment. BUTT NEKKID! Have you any idea how embarrassing that is? (Good thing the door was unlocked.) Come to think of it I don't think you would .....

      Look ..... kid. I don't want Instrumentality. Really, I don't. I don't wanna be one with the greater "whatever". I don't care to be joined to the collective conciousness of the oversoul. I'm not into that communal thing. I'm also not into that fetishy schoolgirl look you seem to effect ..... & .....

      Never you mind what I'm into! That's not the point! The point is I don't wanna go! I like it here. I like being here. And I like me just the way I am. It may be lonely & "painful" but that's the way it is. I can take it.

      Now I know I can't outrun you, so I'm just gonna step right here in this here bath tub (Plug's in? Good!) & pretend you're not here. I figure if I reject Instrumentality beforehand, I won't have to go through the krap of "transcendance" again.

      Let's see now ..... I'm in my happy place ..... I'm in my happy place ..... my happy place ..... happy place ..... happy place ..... happy ..... happy ..... happy ..... Aw darn it! ..... BLOOOOOSH!

      burble ..... burble .....

      LCL ..... Crisp & clean ..... no caffiene. Never had it. Never will!

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Would You buy a Used Eschatology From This Man?



Well ..... would you?

 
                          Would You buy a Used Eschatology From This Man?

                                                                 by

                                                                    Weatherly Hardy

       How can ANYONE listen seriously to Hal Lindsey anymore? The other night I turned on George Noory's Coast to Coast AM, and there was ol' Hal, rabbiting on about Bible End-Timey-Wimey prophecies, Gog and Magog, Armageddon, and totally ignoring that he has been reliably wrong for forty-plus years.

      His NYT Bestselling book (ALWAYS a good indicator of doctrinal correctness) The Late Great Planet Earth made a number of predictions, not the least of which involved the establishing of the nation of Israel in 1948 being the "budding of the fig tree" referred to by Jesus in Matthew:
"Now learn this parable from the fig tree: When its branch has already become tender and puts forth leaves, you know that summer is near. 33 So you also, when you see all these things, know that it is near — at the doors! 34 Assuredly, I say to you, this generation will by no means pass away till all these things take place. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will by no means pass away." (NKJV) MATTHEW 24:32       This appears in Mark and Luke as well. A Biblical generation is generally understood to be 40 years, The idea became popularized that Jesus would therefore return within 40 years of the re-establishing of Israel (or at least Rapture the church), in other words, by 1988. Come Jan 1, 1989, this was proven to be incorrect.

      1948-1988......no RAPTURE. This alone is enough to establish Hal Lindsey as a false prophet, but there has been no word of repentance to date from Mr. Lindsey. Rather there have been several books from him updating his ideas.

      No repentance for false prophecies, no rapture, no shamefaced shutting his prophetic pie-hole.

      Why do we have an entire Christian culture addicted to this prophetic foofery? I came to Christ during the LGPE wave. I read the Bible, and listened to mature Christian teachers, and got over it.

      Why can't people figure out that language and grammar don't get all gooey just because you are reading the Bible? "This generation" means "THIS generation", the generation to whom Jesus was speaking. The Gospel according to the New York Times is another gospel.

      I have neither the time nor the inclination to examine all of a four-decades-old book. Read the Bible. Hear it.

This article originally posted on Aardvarks Plumbline.

Weatherly Hardy is the somewhat (?) disturbed individual who is proprietor of Aardvark Tees. As in T-shirts. Check his goodies out! (Uh ..... his T-shirts that is.)

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On the Rapture, Third Impact, Armageddon & All That



For those Evangelion fans who ACTUALLY
think redemption comes from this direction,
 I got news for ya ..... It's a cartoon.

                        
                         On the Rapture, Third Impact, Armageddon & All That

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan

      As is now known, a one Harold Camping has predicted the end of the world starting on May 21st. Through his "numeralogical" permutations he claims to have found the exact date of the Great Flood & figures 5-21-11 to be exactly 7000 years after. Many (rightly so) disagree with Mr. Camping including yours truly (I have plans for the Memorial Day weekend after, & will more than likely, go through with them.).

      I have found, with some amusement, many of those who disagree with Camping cling to an equally silly "doctrine" called "THE RAPTURE". The second coming presumptively entails Christ "catching away" believers & leaving the rest to fend for themselves during the seven year chaos known as "The Great Tribulation" mapped out in the Bibles' book of Revelation, culminating in a "third coming" of Christ to set up his millenial kingdom on Earth.

      I've often wondered about the book of Revelation & what a cool anime series it would make. Hideki Anno could have a ball with it! As it is, I guess we'll have to settle for the closest thing to it, the Evangelion franchise, even with its Gnostic/Kabalistic wierdness.
     
      It's not the purpose of this article to prove/disprove the "rapture" or any other part of "The gospel according to Hal Lindsey & Tim LaHaye". I will only say I think it to be a classic case of taking Bible verses out of context & reading something into scripture that isn't there.

      As for me, I LIKE the idea that all my troubles & cares would be over by the 21st. Finally! It's over! I can "relax" for eternity. Heaven now, all right! How do I know I'm heaven bound? You got a point there. As a believer & "walking the walk", I really stink at it. I make God sad. I'm always amazed he hasn't zapped me out of sheer frustration by now.

      "That's it, Jay! You've done it for the last time!" POW!

      Bear with me, please.

      Howsomever, let's say, for the sake of arguement, that the rapture bunnies (And for that matter, Harold Camping.) are right. So ..... what?

      Many believers have become so engrossed & preoccupied with the end times they seem to have lost sight of the "big picture". To wit .....

      Yes, the rapture/end times could come at any moment. That does not stop the fact that in your own case it could be irrelevant. How so?

      You could die tomorrow. There is no guarantee you'll wake up here. You might wake up "there". Which "there" is it going to be? Heaven or that other place? (And I'm not talking about Cleveland!)

      You see, "the rapture" could be as imminent as a heart attack. Doomsday could be creeping up on you in the form of a life threatening disease. A "freelance socialist" could "armageddon" your sorry posterior on the street.

      You could be so focused on the Apocalypse that you wouldn't notice it coming from another direction in a very individual manner.

      You are to be on your guard at ALL times. Prepared for death at anytime so one can meet the Lord in full confidence you're ready. Here's the scoop:

1. Romans 3:10/Psalm 14:3-  Keep in mind, you're not good enough to get to Heaven on your own. No matter what you do, you're just not "good" enough.

2. Romans 3:23-  You're under a penalty & will always fall short of being good enough for God on your own.

3. Romans 5:12-  It's because of Adams' transgression that we're under this condition of death & sin. It can't be "cured" by ones' own effort.

4. Romans 5:8-  God, however, loves us & provided a way out from under this crushing penalty. His son, Jesus.

5. Romans 6:23-  Our sinful condition can only result in death. But through Jesus Christ, eternal life can be gained.

6. Romans 10:13 How? Here's where it starts.

7. Revelation 3:20-  He's calling you (And has probably for quite some time. You just won't bother to hear it.). All that's needed is for you to let him enter your life & take over.

8. Romans 10:9 & 10-  If you believe from within that He rose, so will you one day. If you tell others that He runs your life as well, you are destined for Heaven (Providing, of course, that He actually IS in charge of your life!).

9. John 3:16-  That pretty much settles that!

      Yeah. I know I didn't actually quote these verses. Look 'em up. READ them. Read them along with the verses before & after them. Hey! Read the whole chapters they appear in. Then again, read the book of Romans all the way through. Paul may get a little rocky so I suggest you try it with a Contemporary English Version. It's almost like having a conversation.

                                   Article copyright © 5-14-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.