Max Cannon At the Movies

Max Cannon At the Movies

Oh yes! Dad & I at the movies. Actually the worst he did in the theater was take us to see Old Yeller. What a mess that was! Ah memories ... (Holy Crud!).

Y'know folks ... You just gotta take in the humor of Max Cannon. He has got to be one of the most twisted minds in comix. His Red Meat predated Family Guy by quite a few years & unlike the latter, there's a touch of class & cleverness that keeps you wondering what that guy is on! Try him out ...

My Old Yeller experience: Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise) here.

Max Cannons' product free cruelty Red Meat website here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Rabbits, Actual & Human

                                                           by

                                                              Jay Agan

       At an unmentionable merchandising/grocery chain I cashiered at, I would often banter with the customers, usually about the items they bought. Many was the time I would refer to birdseed as "organic cat food". The vast majority of these clientele had a sense of humor/proportion & would smile at the joke without a further thought. These are "kinder, gentler" times howsomever & a "correct thinking" type would take offense every so often.

       One such was a "lady" with her little boy in tow. On hearing my comment on cats finding birdseed useful, she rhapsodied on how wonderful our feathered friends were & how they brightened the world about us. Being an ex country boy myself, I gave a vignette or two about things I had seen in nature over time. She mentioned bluejays being so pretty. I replied offhand on what little killers they could be when there were enough of them around. Niether she nor her kid showed any emotion as we conversed.
 
      About a quarter hour later, the manager takes me aside saying a customer reported I had distressed her child with my bluejay comment, & would I be oh so very careful in the future as to not make children sad, etc. I don't recall the kid being "distressed" in any way, shape or form. He was just, well, there & nothing else. My guess it was the mother who was the one distressed. A problem with working in a place with a pharmacy, is you too often encounter over/under medicated people. As an animation fan, I often wonder what an effect a film like Watership Down would have on such folks.
 
      Made in the late 70s era of pre-political correctness from the book by Richard Adams, Watership Down is a no holds barred look at nature in the raw. It is the film Bambi should have been but Disney couldn't bring himself to make (Felix Saltens' book was quite fatalistic & brutal.).
 
      A group of rabbits leave their overcrowded warren in the face of impending doom (suburban construction) in search of a new home. They face several trials & predators as well as competition from a "police state" rabbit warren nearby.
 
      This film contains several scenes of fighting, death, (yes, rabbits can & do kill) & spilt blood. The life of a bunny is not an easy one & a lot of "Disney myths" are dispelled. The only "spoiler' I'll reveal is the film shows death & life are intertwined, one being a part of the other. I can think of no better movie for kids to cut through the ritalin haze to reality.
 
      I remember Old Yeller putting me through an emotional roller coaster but as I got older, I started seeing life as it is. I began to notice death is all around. Roadkills, birds fighting, pet dogs & cats out hunting, etc. I found that critters not moving fast enough ended up as lunch. People can be like that if one is not careful. Life is hard. Harder if your'e deluded. And no amount of shielding yourself & your children from reality will ever change that. You only set yourself & the kids up for a hard fall if you do.
 
      Life can be good however. Just keep your eyes open. 

                                                     Article copyright © Jay Agan

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Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

Poster/photo credit: Walt Disney Studios

                                    

Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

by

Jay Agan
      

"No! You can't see that movie. You'll be scared & have nightmares."

   

The usual response I'd get from Mom when pointing out some cool show advertised in the paper.("Uncle Vince" & Roger Corman were THE team back in the early 60s.) Missed out on a lot of great stuff due to such overprotectiveness. She meant well but come on! A kids' gotta have his fun. Not that we didn't go to movies. Mostly kiddy fare. Usually Disney, Disney, & more Disney. And therein hangs a tale.

After an umpteenth refusal for us to see Pit & the Pendulum or other such vileness, Mom let Dad take us to see another Disney offering. Ah, yes. More uplifting, wholesome, family goodness! Now, normally, people don't think anything from the Disney studios to be damaging to children. True, there was that off screen shooting of Bambies' mother, but that was a mild anomaly not to be repeated. Disney films were supposed to be masterpieces of life affirming, goodness & spiritually edifying fun & happiness. Or so most thought at the time. Howsomever, we kids hadn't reckoned on a tour de force of jollity & good cheer bearing the title of.........Old Yeller.

Dad took us as Mom had to stay home with baby sister. Had they come with us she would have understood the folly of shielding us from the world. She got it second hand. Boy, did she ever!

I don't remember that much about the flick except for the last 20-30 minutes: Disease! Rabies! Death!

Tommy Kirk takes the gun from Pa.

Cut to barn door opening.

Shot of foam at the mouth title character in stall.

Back to Kirk taking aim.

Quick cut of "Cujo" taking a flying leap at the camera.

Quick shot of gun muzzle. BANG!

Fast fade to black.

A few seconds pass as it registers on the audience.

Little moans. One here. Another there. Several more scattered round. More dispersed yelps sprinkle the crowd. More. A little more, till it's evenly spread throughout. All in coordination, it rises in pitch & volume. Higher. Louder. Louder! Higher!

All united & chorousing upward into an overwhelming crescendo of primal scream.

Pandaemonium. Whole & total.

People jumping, hitting the cieling. Writhing on the floor. Throwing up in the aisles. Running about in bounce off the walls panic.

The kids were even worse.

Maybe I exagerate but you get the picture. We were, to say the least, in shock. Traumatized.

Dad, scanning about the theater, a look of abject disgust of his face. Through the tears, I'm thinking, "cool!"

It settles down a bit & everyone watches the epilogue/wrap-up. (Older Disney flicks had anti-climactic ending scenes.) The replacement puppy shows up (They gonna shoot him too?) & the crying crap starts in again. The End. Not yet kiddies....not yet.

The square in Mt. Vernon lies on a gentle slope. The Vernon Theater occupied the lowest (southwest) corner. Out of this "wailing well" come the most piteous squeals, echoing off the First Knox Nat. Bank & other structures. Reverberating down the side alley, bouncing off Brinings News Stand & back up. (Vine St. didn't channel any of it away.) Gives it a sort of "stroboscopic" effect. First time I ever heard sound in quite that way.

Heading home, Dad tries to explain rabies to us. We're having none of that. Reality indeed! Hey! They shot the dog! Deadern'a door nail! Waaaaaaah! Cars pull to the side, thinking an emergency vehicle needs to pass.

After all the dog did for them! Brought fun & happiness into their dull, inbred, backwoods existence. Making life more interesting in Deliverence country. Saved em from the bear 'n wolves, etc. Then they had to go 'n shoot him! Darn old subsistance farmers!

We're sort of settled down by the time we pull into home.

Getting in, Mom cheerily greets us, " so. How was your movie?"

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
    
Younger brother, stares blankly at the wall, mouth hanging open. Youngest brother, sitting, back to a wall, rocking back & forth, muttering, "they shot the dog ....eh...eh ....eh ....eh ....eh ..eh....eh.....they shot the dog!" Little sister, letting out a minutes long wail, not once pausing for breath. Dad, staring at the cieling, with a "Why me?" kind of look.

"John. John? JOHN! What kind of movie did you take them to?! It wasn't that horror movie, was it?!"

"For Gods' sake Hon! It was a Walt Disney movie! It was Old Yeller!"

"So what happened?"

"Aw, they shot the dog."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

"Oh, shut up!"

We didn't go to the movies much after that. On many a Sunday night after. When The Wonderful World of Disney/Color would come on. I'd curse that guy  whenever he'd appear.

"Hello, boys & girls!"

"You're sick Disney! Sick! I hate your slime covered guts! Die, you -------! Die!"

Fast forward a few years to military school. Wednesday movie in the rec hall. 16mm projector puttering away. (Buena Vista presents.......uh oh.) It's the one about John Wesley Powell exploring the Grand Canyon.

"We can't take the dog with us. Here...", handing the rifle over. (Oh, no. Not again?!)

The guy takes aim.

Cut to a wide eyed, happy looking, wiggly tailed, little terrier, toungue hanging out. I swear, the dog actually smiled!

Hand pulls the hammer back.

Back to happy dog.

"Agan, quit yer cryin!

"I'm not cryin!"

"Yeah, right."

"What's goin on?"

"Aw, Agan's cryin."

"Shut up man! I'ma kick yer butt!"

"Yeah, right."

Guy relents & lowers the rifle. The pup is saved. Whew!

Yes sir! The ole tried 'n true Disney formula: KILL THE DOG!

Folks think I'm warped due to all the crazy flicks/books I've watched/read over the years. Not so. It wasn't Lugosi, Karloff,  Price, Corman, the Chaneys or any of the other greats who put my miniscule grey matter in a bunch.

It was that darned Disney.

I hate you Walt.


Article copyright © 12-17-20


Old Yeller as I saw it. (Parody trailer is not mine).


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