The Zombie Apocalypse That Never Was

Nawww! It warn't nuthin' like that ... Clockwise: Saeko Busujima , Rei Miyamoto,
Alice Maresato, Shizuka Marikawa & Saya Takagi from High School of the Dead.

The Zombie Apocalypse That Never Was

by

C V Ford


The problem with young 'uns today is they're taught to be hopelessly nostalgic for a '60s that never was & a zombie apocalypse that will never be.

Now me, I've been through both & I'm here ta tell ya it ain't like they said. Take the so-called zombie outbreak some years back. What they, yer teachers 'n college perfessers along with Hollywood are tellin' ya is just outright bullkrap.

First, the numbers are inflated. There wasn't a hippie ... er ... zombie on every corner. The massive hoards in the big cities they talk about were actually rioters, looters 'n criminals takin' advantage of the panic. They 'n some of their victims made up most of the bodies tossed on the bonfires.

It started out as a few creepin' out from morgues, hospitals, accident sites, or from just droppin' dead from old age, aneurisms, heart attacks 'n whatnot. It then expanded to whoever they could git their hands on 'n sink their teeth into. Still wasn't that many.

The graveyards rarely gave up their dead. Most graves contain dust 'n bone & the ones with any meat on 'em are too dried out to be viable. As for the ones that could move, most of 'em weren't going anywhere. Burial vaults bein' quite sturdy 'n all.

The zombies themselves were no big deal. Some were fast, some were slow, but they were all dumbern' a a sack 'a hammers, clumsy as all git out 'n were easily killed off with a .22 to the head. Wasn't too hard to spot 'em either. Stumbled all over the landscape lookin' like they crawled out from under the sub basement of an outhouse. Sorta kinda fitting 'cause they smelled like it too. Shoot, you could find 'em in the dark! Y' know ... come to think of it, a lotta homeless people came up missin' later. Guess folks got a little carried away.

There wasn't any 'a that stupid posturing 'n theatrics either. Anyone struttin' around with a ball bat, machete or a crossbow takin' 'em on at close quarters got what he deserved. That Walkin' Dead garbage is just that. Man, if I was gonna watch some 'a that undead stuff on the tube, itd' be some Jap toon like High School o' the Dead n' whatnot. Man, the T n' A in that 'un is wayyyyy out there. Downright sinful iffn' ya ask me ... Saw it three times already.

No ... Poppin' em in the head at a distance was the order du jure of the day. They were easy enough to kill if you were intelligent. One fella in one 'a the big cities boarded up his house, put his stereo speakers on the roof 'n cranked 'er up. Had a 500 brick 'a .22 & plunked away all day. Unfortunately a buncha' kids thought a concert was goin' on 'n ... well ... They came out just as good as the zombies.

No ... It was no big deal ... The only real trouble I had was when Missy Dora Schlockendreck ... She's the nosey, feminoid hyena from down the street. Prides herself on bein' a liberal or whatever it is they call commie dipwads these days. Voted for that jerk in the white house more n' twice if you know what I mean.

Well she gets into her non-mind that somehow my bestest bud Cal's a zombie. Even starts pullin' a gun on 'im! Came as a surprise to me. Was always (An' still is!) goin' 'round tryin' to make it so nobody owns guns 'n there she was ... Whippin' one out 'n makin' like Wyatt Earp! She quieted down some after I shoved a .38 in her face 'n explained that Cal wasn't 'n never has been a zombie. He always looks like that!

As it turned out, the zombie outbreak lasted 'bout a couple weeks 'n things pretty much quieted down after that. Economy picked up. Lotsa recently vacated job positions needed fillin', so unemployment took a dive. Also fewer politicians around to mess with the economy 'n fewer welfare sucks for 'em to appeal to. Like I said before ... folks got a little carried away. Things couldn't help but improve.

Alright! here comes Cal with the burgers an ... What th' ... Aw come on Cal! You KNOW I like mine medium. I don't understand ... Lately you been likin' your meat drippin' red. What's up with that anyhow?

　
Story copyright © 3-27-13 C V Ford


Not so HOTD here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and stories listing on fanfiction dot net here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their products.

Not So HOTD



Photo Credit: Madhouse



                                                                Not So HOTD

                                                                            by

                                                                              Jay Agan

     I've come to dislike the zombie genre. Zombies are "easy", making the movies are"easy", & look it. These flicks get a lot of hype & raves but I don't see much in this genre seemingly starving for a gimmick. The only ones I have in my collection are the original '68 Night of the Living Dead & Return of the Living Dead (A funny, yet very disturbing film. And I'm not referring to Linnea Quigley!)

     It was with some trepidation I took a look at High School of the Dead (Gakuen Mokushiroku or Apocalypse Academy. Produced by Madhouse. Directed by Tetsuro Araki.) Was'nt as bad as I thought though not as good as I'd have liked. As this show is an anime, suspension of disbelief is doubly required, which helped a lot.

     Starts off well enough. First three eps cover the unexplained breakout of the plague & its seemingly instantaneous escalation. The protagonists (angsty guy, his spear/staff wielding occasional girlfriend, dark haired kendo chick (my favorite), military nerd, self proclaimed girl genius, &.....Nurse Bubblehead (not my favorite). ), meet up & bust out of the school.

     Fourth ep is the "budget" chapter. Lotsa rehash & repeat of earlier scenes. Kind of reminiscent of those movie serials from the 40s.

     5th - 7th. It gets dumb. The good guys hole up in Nurse Bubbleheads' apartment (With a full military Humvee parked outside!) & "fortuitous" things happen. Seems the vacant ones' room mate is a special ops type (Who is elsewhere, clearing airport runways as a sniper.) with an easily broken into gunsafe full of goodies. The girls start acting drugged/drunk & compare breast sizes in the bath. Two try coming on to the angsty guy. Kendo chick parades around the kitchen in apron & thong. The excuse being they had to wash their clothes. All that blood.

     As if there weren't enough "fanservice" already. I haven't seen this many bums 'n boobs scince I attended a Three Stooges film fest in the early 90s. It goes back to a "reasonable" (For the series.) level after. This is partially redeemed with the rescue of a little girl & a dog.

     In ep 8, things getting precarious, the band leaves the apartment & fall in with a large group occupying a huge estate, by becoming trapped by a crowd of the undead against a titanium wire fence strung accross a street. Tense moments as the group takes out the the closing horde one by one while seemingly unable to figure out they can easily bend down & step through the fence. In another of those cartoon non-coincidences, their rescuers are led by the group genius' mom.

     Ep 9 & 10. It's not clear how Mr. & Ms. Genius aquired their wealth but it seems "counter cultural" activities & violence may have been involved. Here, the kids rest up & assert their rights to the weapons they "borrowed" earlier when some of the henchmen try to appropriate them (Mr. Genius backs the kids' play.).

     Some of the citizenry squatting on the estate, are in "denial" & want to get back to "democracy" as in right now. Their fantasies are shattered in eps 11& 12: The U.S. president launches nukes, Russia replies in kind. As the worlds militaries are too far gone, few nukes leave their silos thus WWlll is sparse. One does an EMP burst over Japan & communications go dead.

     The zombie horde breaks through the estate gate & the final battle is on. The protagonists make their escape. After the closing credits, our group is last seen crossing a bridge on foot in the hopes of finding family members. T.S. Elliots' quote from The Hollow Men appears: "This is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but a wimper." So does the series.

     I've left quite a bit out of this summary. A vile, manipulative, teacher (Who must have gotten a lot more "face time" in the manga series.). Angsto gets separated from the group twice, with a "girl of his choice". The series also depicts civil unrest/social collapse, breakdown of authority, confrontations with demented survivors, etc. One very brief but disturbing scene in ep 1 has a friend turning on another. Both "get theirs".

     I am less than happy with this series, but it does come accross as "different" from the Romero school. Perhaps it's because the show is an anime that I get that "feel". I doubt I'll buy it but I'd keep it if it was given to me (No. That's not a hint.) If it weren't for all that excessive (& exagerated!) T & A.....

                                                       Article copyright © Jay Agan

Go to Main Page.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.