Darn ..... That ..... Bill!

One of the entrees typical of Bono Pizza.
Photo: Columbus Crave/Columbus Alive

                                 
Disclaimer: Parts of the following article are not meant to be condemnatory rants or whines. It's  all for entertainment purposes only.

                                              Darn ..... That ..... Bill!

      I attended Revoluticon for the almost express purpose of seeing Weatherly Hardy (Proprietor of Aardvark Tees.) at his booth in the dealers room. The con itself didn't hold much for me, it not being an anime only event. A lot was TV oriented & most of what was movie related I thought kind of dull. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, "Star Trek vs Star Wars"? Meh .....

      Getting to the dealers room, I find Mr. Hardy & his son Noel at the Aardvark Tees tables tucked away in one of the large rooms' corners. There we conversed almost two hours about politics (We're both more or less "small L" libertarians.), & media related topics. As five o'clock was nearing, I had to embark for the Godzilla seminar on the 6th floor.

      The seminar was on the original 1954 Japanese language version of the aforementioned film. Somewhat disappointing, I knew more about it than the two panelists (I'm such a nerd!) . I will say they knew more about the other films in the franchise.

      Six o'clock rolls around & it's back to the now shut down dealers room. Weatherly & I pre-planned to go out for pizza. Some weeks before, he had a posting on his blog about the merits of Lenders bagels & other cuisine. I happened to mention the subject of wood fired pizza & where to get it in Columbus.

      Bono Pizza is a "hole in the wall" establishment in the back of The Corner Market (1717 Northwest Blvd. At the corner of Chambers & Northwest Blvd. in front of a Krogers grocery.) the proprietor being a one Bill Yerkes.

      Mr. Yerkes is, to say the least, an interesting sort. Sort of a cross between Strother Martin & Ed Wood Jr. A child of the 50s/60s, he's been all over the world "been there done that ..... twice." A real life Captain Tylor, he joined the Navy & managed to avoid basic training. Managed night clubs for the Navy & owned/operated restaurants literally from Palermo to Podunk.

      Columbus certainly looks different at night. After at least three wrong turns we managed to arrive at Bono Pizza. There we were greeted by Peggy, Bills' "long suffering" wife & sat ourselves down. It didn't take long for Bill to find us.

      "Hi Jay! I see you & your friends are in town for the hentai convention!"

      Kill me ..... Kill me now God ..... Make it quick ..... Painless if possible.

      Bill looks on my interest in anime as more a predilection than a hobby & insists on calling ALL anime hentai. He definitely knows the difference but he'll be dipped if he's going to verbally acknowledge that. He also likes to refer to my large old car as "the pedo-mobile" thus furthering my exasperation (I prefer my women real & of legal age, thank you.). Needless to say both Weatherly & Noel found much amusement in this & were quite audible about it.

      While waiting for our goodies, Bill regaled them with "sea stories" especially about trips between Pensacola & Mobile via Foley, Alabama.

      We, of course, enjoyed our pizzas (Mr. Hardy had nothing but praise & did a nice write-up in a posting on his blog.) & we finished it off with a Belgian waffle. At one point, Weatherly stepped out to make a call, his business covering two other cons (St. Louis & Atlanta.). I didn't think much of this until a couple days later.

      As we departed, I noticed Peg sitting in a chair on the restaraunts' patio watching us intently. Didn't know what to make of that until ..... I noticed a hastily scrawled sign hanging in the drivers side window of my car.

      "HEY KIDS! FREE CANDY! ASK INSIDE!"

      This ..... next to the sidewalk ..... for all the world to see.

      My bowels in a turmoil.

      "What the ..... Herp! ..... D' ..... gack!"

      Noel, who was about to get in the back seat, drivers' side, also saw it & busts up laughing.

      "I don't stinkin' believe this! Holy ..... Weatherly! Take a look at this!"

      He comes around the car & cracks up too. Ah yes ..... sympathy ..... Where is it? Oh yeah ..... in the dictionary ..... between s--t & suicide!

      Back on the patio Peg's clapping & laughing her head off. Bill ..... nowhere to be seen (He was in & out all the time, attending to some cooking pasta.).

      We pile into the car & Noel has to put his five cents worth in:

      "Hi Jay! I'm Chris Hanson. Have a seat!"

      Nothing ..... but ..... abuse.

     
      After a few more wrong turns we got a quick tour of my favorite part of Columbus on High St. The now closed down Zanes' Gun Rack (A story in & of itself.), the gym that used to be the Camelot/Drexel North Theater, The Soldiery (wargames), & The Laughing Ogre (Manga, comics.).

       I drop them off at the Ramada Plaza & do a quick look-see of the con only to find nothing of interest. It was off to the folks to celebrate St. Pats' the next day.

      Monday I get a call from Bill, who, to say the least, was quite pleased with his little joke. It turns out Weatherly had a hand in it. He suggested "free candy" instead of toys on the sign.

      Sigh ..... I've a host of friends. And with friends like these .....

The Aardvarks Plumbline blog here.

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

The Vulture

Pretty much illustrates what I saw that day.




                                                     The Vulture

                                                             by

                                                                Jay Agan

      Back in the 70s, for about a period of four years, Mt. Vernon was without an indoor movie theater. No big deal I guess, just go to the next town if you wanted to take in a flick. Trouble was, the "next" town was Newark, Columbus or if you lived in northern Knox County, Mansfield, 25+ miles away.

      During the warm months there was the Knox Auto Theater (Now sadly gone.) but until the Colonial started operations downtown (They scored The Empire Strikes Back as their opener. How they did it, I've no idea.), you were hit with a trip mid-Fall through early Spring.

      As an objectivist (Small o. I don't believe EVERYTHING Ayn Rand says. Only 99.99%.) I really can't fault the former owner of the Vernon Theater. A bank wanted the property, cable TV was cutting into ticket sales & the place needed repair. So the old man sold it. O ..... K ..... I guess.

      Sentiment. What kind of a price do you put on it? (In Delaware County, it's 150 grand taxpayer bucks to restore the Strand.) I mean, I spent many an afternoon matinee at the Vernon. Mom & Dad Disneyed us to death there. I remember Dad bothered by three bucks a head when we saw Patton. There was the Romeo & Juliet controversy (Zeffirelli version. Didn't bother me. I'm not turned on by guys butts.). It was at the Vernon I was traumatized by Old Yeller. I was further traumatized on my first date there. Memories .....

      My last memory of the Vernon is not a good one. I was on my way to Brinings' News Stand (Down the alley & across Vine.) passing the skeletal carcass of the torn down theater. There, standing in the midst of the wreckage, was ..... HIM!

      Clad in a BLACK business suit & contrasting white shirt. Hunched shoulders, arms extended & clutched in the liver spotted leprousness of his talons ..... window glass. The elderly scavenger was salvaging window glass! Looking ..... for all the world ..... like some foul carrion bird ..... picking at road kill.

      That glass is probably laying in some barn or shed collecting about as much dust as he is. Sad.

                                         Article copyright © 7-27-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.

Reborn On the 4th of July

                                           Reborn On the 4th of July

                                                              by

                                                                  Jay Agan

      The fellow I worked with at the shooting range in Powell, Ohio was an interesting guy. Former serviceman (Said he dodged the draft by enlisting.), he monitored Soviet military radio traffic in Alaska in the '60s. Insurance adjuster full time, avid shooter all the time. Every year, he followed a specific schedule for July 4th.

      First the flag went up on the porch. Then he & the wife would head on down to the Short North of Columbus (A neighborhood between 5th Ave. & I 670.) to catch the Doo Dah Parade. The Doo Dah is a sort of "anti-parade" consisting of humor/satire. Regular groups such as The Marching Fidels, Close Order Drill Lawnmower Team, The Parade of Holmes, etc. There's even the Fashion Police patrolling the route giving out tickets to badly dressed folks. I especially remember one "act" consisting of seven men & two women dressed as the Supreme Court. A tenth person had to keep grabbing & guiding them to the center of the street as they kept meandering to the right side. I'll never forget the float comemorating a murder in northwest Ohio in the '90s: "Give your wife an anniversary gift she'll never forget. A new basement floor!"

      Then they'd grab the one in Upper Arlington that crossed Lane Ave. A LARGE suburban parade with a small town feel. Afterward, an afternoon of barbecue & socialisation. He'd set a 5 platter CD player loaded with SoUSA, etc, on the porch, setting it on random play. Passersby seemed to like that.

     As the sun went down, the couple would head to the Park of Roses in Clintonville for the fireworks display. Clintonville is home to Columbus' best cheap thrill: Riding fast on Cooke Rd. A real "roller coaster". With the fireworks done, they'd head on home, take down the flag & relax.

      His backyard adjoined about five others & was the perfect set-up for the last ritual.

      It's between 10 & 11 PM. All's quiet except for the crickets. Everyone's inside. Taking a revolver loaded with blanks, he'd sneak out, point the gun to the night sky and ..... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! then slip back in.

      People would run out, "what the heck was that!"

      He also dashing out, "what the heck was that!"

      He was sure the neighbors suspected he was the one, but he was never caught.

      The last time he did that was a year before cancer took him. I miss him.

                                       Article copyright © 7-6-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

I Felt Like Such a Stooge

Got this from motifake.com. Check 'em out!

                                                I Felt Like Such a Stooge

                                                                 by

                                                                    Jay Agan


     Autumn, 1989. Read in the Arts & Entertainment section of the Columbus Dispatch there was going to be a Three Stooges film fest at the Palace Theater. Eight episodes of low brow humor as only those three jerks could do. Had to see it & went.

     The Palace Theater isn't called THE PALACE THEATER for nothing. Located ground level of the Levesque Lincoln Tower in downtown Columbus, Ohio, it's ..... well ..... palatial. Very ornate & gaudy inside, a treat for the eyes. A baroque opulence you must be present to experience. A grand throwback to the time when going to the movies was an EVENT.

     A local celeb (Who I can't recall.) was there, but a real extra treat was a fellow who billed himself as "The Man Who Would Be Curly." Had the schtick down beautifully too.

     Can't remember most of the eps they flashed on the BIG screen (Those little screens at multiplexes just don't hack it.). Except for Disorder In the Court & Malice In the Palace, it was mostly a blur. Especially the last four. Here's why.

     After the fourth ep, intermission time. I decided to wander around the cavernous theater & take in the sights. I stumbled upon a fantastically ornate room & went in to admire the decor & furnishings. While there, I noticed a restroom at the far end. After a while, I decided to leave. As I left, two women went past me going in, looking at me quite strangely. Huh? Then it hit me.

     I quickly glanced up at the top & to the side of the ornate rooms' entrance.

                                                          WOMEN

     Dashing back to the auditorium, I whipped off my camoflauge field jacket, revealing my sweater. If the ladies were going to give a description, it wouldn't be about some mad voyeur in a bright red sweater.

I was really cursing myself: "Idiot! Pay attention jerkwad! I don't believe I ..... You dumb, stupid ..... This is something those three idiots would do! You moron! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!!" A lot of other things too.

     I sat off to the right side of the theater slumped down, trying to look as much a part of the scenery as possible. My reasoning was they would be looking for someone leaving, & I was bound & determined to finish this viewing of the films. The rest of the presentation went off OK, me scanning the room every few minutes for wrathful ushers bent on rooting out "sick boy". Nothing happened.

     Leaving the theater, I didn't stop for souveniers or candy, putting on my field jacket when I was blocks away.

     Oooooooo! I was almost a victim o' soicumstance! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!

                                                Article copyright © 1-23-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

Boris n' Broadcasting

                                                                
                                                             Boris n' Broadcasting

                                                                           by

                                                                              Jay Agan

      I had been involved in AM & Shortwave DX (Recieving & logging what, how far, & how many stations I could get.) for a couple years. I had heard/read of TV DXing but had not given it much thought. I did end up dabbling in it (27 states & Cuba.) & the following is what got me started.

      Not having cable, we had "over the air" chs 4 (WCLT later WCMH), 6 (WTVN later WSYX), 10 (WBNS), & 34 (WOSU), with a lot of "dead" spectrum space between. Every so often chs 8 (WJW, Cleveland), or 2 (WDTN, Dayton) would come in with a lot of "snow" (One Sunday I got a perfect viewing of The CBS Late Night Movies' airing The Black Scorpion on 8.). Never gave TV DX much thought in spite of the articles I read on it until I was bit by the bug in an interesting way.

      Flipping through the channels one late August afternoon in the early 70s, I saw ch 2 coming in semi snowy. I was about to continue when I recognized the voice & face of Boris Karloff, one of my favorite boogey men. Seems I came in on the tail end of an old Thriller episode from the early 60s. As the reception was almost viewable, I twiddled the fine tune & got it in slightly better.

      The show wound down & as it was the top of the hour, I thought I'd wait for WDTN to ID for the heck of it. Imagine my surprise when it IDed as ch2 KTWO from Casper, Wyoming. Here? In Ohio? WOW!

      It was from that I caught a mild case of the TV DX bug & had quite a bit of fun with it when I wasn't messing with AM or shortwave. (One of the high points was getting chs 2 & 3 out of Cuba within minutes of each other.)

      I always had fun with my radio hobbies but not until that day did I ever think Boris Karloff would have a hand in it. Thank you Mr. Monster.

                                                    Article copyright © Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

VHS Vignette

                                                                  VHS Vignette

                                                                          by

                                                                            Jay Agan

     I remember Media Play. Back in the heyday of VHS tapes, it was THE place in central Ohio to go for movies. The three branch stores in Columbus had a fantastic selection of flicks as well as books & CDs. If they hadn't closed down a few years back one could only imagine what they would be like now.

     One day, in my late 30s, I'm rooting around the bargain rack of the west end store when a fit of "depression" hit me. I was not the success I wanted to be & the prospects of romance seemed quite dim.

     I'm thinking, "here I am in my thirties, not even married, blah, blah, blah. Geez. I'm such a loser, etc."

     I dwelt on this for a few minutes, the melancholy making me feel lower by the second. Just as I was about to "down" myself for the umpteenth time, a young couple walked by.

     She: "We always get what you wanna watch! We never get anything I like!"

     He: "All right ----it! We'll get something you wanna watch!"

     The two continued past in sullen silence, not even looking at one another.

     I stopped feeling down on myself for quite some time after.

                                                  Article copyright © Jay Agan

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I Meet Someone Famous

                            

Ray Harryhausen contemplates skeleton model for his film,
The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. Columbia Pictures, 1958.

                                           I Meet Someone Famous

                                                             by

                                                                Jay Agan

      
      It happened to me during MARCON at the Hyatt Regency in Columbus, Ohio last Memorial Day weekend. He was attending the H.P. Lovecraft seminar. Most of the seminar went by interestingly enough before I noticed him. The presentation/discussion drifted to the authors' well known love of cats.

      Across the aisle, to my right a few rows ahead, a very distinctive voice made some comments. My mind went into overdrive (transmission slipping, gears grinding) trying to place it. It resolved itself as I remembered those stentorian tones from interviews on various dvds.

      He worked from behind the camera. Many of you have seen his films. Though he wasn't producer/director he might as well have been as his works were the center of the films they appeared in. He's still active today in regard to the marketing and enhancement of his & others movies. I had to meet this guy!

      The seminar over, I approached. As I did so, I heard a couple others mention his name. He was sitting there reading, as I introduced myself.

      "Excuse me sir." He looked up. "You have a very distinctive voice," I paused and, "are you who I think you are?"

      I then noticed his name tag to bear a different moniker.

      "I'm sorry. I see by your tag you're not the one I thought you were."

      "Actually, I am someone else," he replied in that unforgettable voice.

      "I understand sir. It was good to meet you." I left the room. He wanted his privacy. I can respect that.

      I don't think he had an event or seminar at the con. Was he in central Ohio on business? Visiting relatives? Who knows? Outside, I ran into one of the seminars' speakers.

      "Do you know who that was you were talking to a few rows back?"

      "No, who?" Replying with some concern.

      "--- -----------."

      "Really? You sure?"

      Another attendee walked up confirming what I said. She recalled he was sitting behind her when the speaker mentioned some work in a Lovecraft related film wasn't as good as --- ------------s. She said she heard him say, "Oh, he gave me a plug."

      I really wish I could tell you who he was. Yeah, frustrating. For all you know, I'm just making this up and I don't blame you for thinking so. At best, you're thinking he was mistaken for someone else. If it wasn't him, it had to have been his twin.

      He wanted his privacy & to be left alone. I have to leave it at that.

                                                Article copyright © Jay Agan


Addendum: As he passed away on May 7, 2013, I can now reveal that it may have been Ray Harryhausen I had inadvertantly met. If it wasn't, it sure looked & sounded like him! Needless to say, I find it interesting that he may have been an H.P. Lovecraft fan.

Photo & links added 5-9-13


Ray Harryhausen: Farewell To A Master here.

Night At The Drive In (One Million Years BC) here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.　

Darn Tribbles, Darn Troubles

Photo Credit: Paramount Pictures

Darn Tribbles, Darn Troubles

by

Jay Agan

    
School days. Ah memories. I'll treasure them always. Not! Only the overachievers, jocks, and social butterflies will ever be fond of the high school pressure cooker. Any good memories of that time was from not being there.

One set of good times involved Star Trek (tos). I'd become aquainted with it during its initial network run in the late 60s. In military school, the nuns would (grudgingly) let us watch it ("Cadets don't whistle, chew gum, read comic books, watch cool stuff on tv, have fun, etc.").

I recall the "ruckus" that came up when it got cancelled. Not having been a full bore Trek weenie, I didn't experience the crippling depression afflicting believers. Some disappointment, yes, as it was (then) novel and different. There was so little intelligent sci-fi on tv, (still that way), and if the nuns didn't like it, it had to be good.

Thanks to the zeal and enthusiasm of the fans, stations across the country aired it a lot through syndication in the 70s. WLWC (now WCMH) ch. 4 was the central Ohio Trek pioneer. The time slot was (I think.) 5-6 PM. It didn't matter if it was a school night, (We weren't allowed to watch tv mon-thur.), I'd sneak down the celler and tune in on our older set. I'll always be grateful to the staff of 4 for including Trek in their programming (well into the 80s). A good daily dose of Trek helped in recovery from the indoctrination of several hours before. Usually but not always.

There was, however, an annoying glitch in 4s' Trek scheduling. A glaring defect, sharply curtailing my enjoyment of the show. A nuisance, so vexing, it drove me to obsessive distraction: The Trouble With Tribbles.

On first seeing it in the late 60s, I sorta' liked it. Cutsey, funny, not all that great though. Little was I to know TWT would later become the very fuel powering the ch. 4 Star Trek machine. I understand the station showing the more popular eps more often. Ad revenue and all. But ..... The Trouble with Tribbles? Every other day? Yeah, I exaggerate. It only seemed that way. It could have been once a week, or at least twice a month. Aw what the heck! It was on too dang often!

There I'd be on the bus home. Mixed feelings at conflict in my brain."Star Trek! Oh boy! Oh boy! Yeah! Trek! Please no TWT! Oh golly! Oh yeah! No TWT! Please! Please! PLEASE!"

And seemingly, more often than not. After a particularly depressing day of scholastic brainwashing, there it was, in all its fuzzy non-glory, The Trouble With Tribbles. (Aghh! That's it! I'm doing my homework!)

Why? Why this one? "All the time?" They played the other "top 20" to death too, but not seemingly every time I turned around. Arena, The Changeling, The Doomsday Machine, etc. These I could understand. They were great. But TWT? What a nauseatingly, sickeningly saccharine, piece of crud! It got to the point where I'd be ecstatic to see Miri, Turnabout Intruder, The Empath, or any of the other of the least popular ones.

I've no proof but I suspect there was a group of 5 or 6 Trek weenies in Columbus, constantly calling the station & urging them on (Ooo! Ooo! Can we see TWT again?! Huh? Please?! TWT! Ooo! Ooo!"). I recall a particularly annoying one (who shall remain nameless) showing up at wargame gatherings bugging the crap out of everyone over Trek. (Claimed he was a rear admiral in Starfleet in charge of research.) He had to have been the ringleader.

At a place I worked at in the 90s, we had a tv. 4 had a Trek marathon one Sunday, 8AM-8PM. The top 12 of all time. Naturally, we enjoyed ourselves as we went about our tasks. An older fellow I worked with (left the scene due to cancer) was a sci-fi fan as well. I was pretty much down on Trek weenies and he would kid me a lot about me being a "trekkie" as I knew more about the show than I cared to. (I like the show a lot. It's not my reason for being, however.) I found his word for word co-recital of Celia Lovskys' lines from the duel in the Amok Time episode to be quite amusing.

Things got a little tense as the marathon wore on. We knew TWT was in there somewhere. (He hated it too.) We KNEW an hour long bout of hypoglycemic, pseudo-cuteness was approaching .There were a few tense moments during the "A Piece of the Action" ep. (He didn't like that one either. I always did. Criminals as politicians? Never happen!)

As it turned out, TWT was the last one, thus the best "voted". As we were prepping to close that hour, we didn't care. Still don't.

I'll always have a place in my heart for Star Trek (tos), but not for "The Trouble With Tribbles". Those in love with TWT are TWiTs!

                                                 
Article copyright © Jay Agan


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