Gassssssss ... A Cautionary Tale

Disclaimer: The following is an article on stupidity and carelessness, NOT a recommendation that one should try this.


Gassssssss ... A Cautionary Tale


No, I'm not writing about that silly 1970 A.I.P film (I liked the '58 Edsel.). Rather, this is about summat wot happened to me back in the '90s while living in the OSU campus area.

Like most bachelors, I tend to be on the untidy side and oft times let things slide. Every few months I'd get tired of living in a pig pen and do some clean up.

One fine clean up, I noticed the toilet had gotten a bit uh ... rank. After some scrubbing, getting what could be gotten out manually, I decided to go the chemical route on the staining.

Now I know urine contains amonia and using bleach on it is NOT a good idea. I had no idea that the bleach would react so strongly to the staining. I'd done this before in the past with no problem and went ahead. After all, the commode was flushed and the water "clean". So I dumped some in.

Being the insomniac I always was, it was time for a sporadic nap.

A half hour later, I wake up to the sound of coughing ... mine ...

Why is there a light mist drifting about my apartment?

Why do my eyes and nose sting?

Why am I coughing?

Why do I think I just did something incredibly dumb?

Putting 2 and 2 together (Twentytwo!), I rush to the bathroom to find the head bubbling/percolating merrily away. Sounding for all the world like I just poured a glass of Coke.

So what if it was the dead of winter, temp in the teens, snow on the ground?

Flush! Windows open! Fans/AC on full blast! Waving a large piece of cardboard around ...

The haze dissipated and as I wasn't coughing up blood or chunks of lung, I went on with life.

I am living proof that God watches over children and phools ... uh ... fools!

Interestingly enough, it was the English who first used gas in warfare.
Comic strip credit: Smackybean on Deviantart.

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The Sansei Shooter

                                                   The Sansei Shooter

Hordes of malcontents leaving tax-payer supplied resort. That's gratitude for ya!

      While working at the pistol range in Powell Ohio back in the 90s, I would often avail myself of conversation with the various clientele. One interesting fellow comes to mind. The only Japanese redneck I've ever met.

      He worked in the offices of a gravel quarry in southwest Columbus. In his late fifties/early sixties, wearing (Depending on the weather.) a worn blue jacket or a ratty t-shirt, he'd come in once a week smoking one of those big cigars of his, to "shoot the bull".

      We always got a charge out of this guy (Sadly, he's no longer with us. Damn cancer.). He'd regal us with tales of the bad ole days of living in the OSU area during the sixties (The National Guard was called out on various occasions, not because of political "activism" but because THE BUCKEYES! won/lost a game. Nowadays it's just 12th Ave. going up in smoke.), or the drawbacks & merits of the various models of Harley & Triumph bikes.

      Invariably the discussion got to politics, particularly gun control. We of course all agreed it was a matter of putting the second round through the hole the first one made & not the lofty non-solutions as proposed by the starry eyed, self appointed, would be saviors of our souls. One quote of his I'll never forget:

      "They say waiting periods (For gun purchases.) are for cooling you down. Bulls--t! I've been divorced from my ex-wife for over twenty years & I still wanta' kill her!"

      On another occasion, I asked why he owned guns. He gave an answer that's stuck with me to this day:

      "I was born in a concentration camp at Tule Lake in northern California. This was where they sent 'troublemakers'. My mom was there because she wouldn't sign a loyalty oath. She said she was an American & didn't have to sign so they sent her there. I may not remember much of it at all but they 'did it' to me before, they're not going to 'do it' to me again. That's why I own guns."

Hey! It's the gummint wot determines who/what's
American, not you pal. Now that we got THAT straight .....

Enjoying tax-payer funded meals. Darn freeloaders!

      This was in sharp contrast to the reaction I got from a regular customer from Yokohama who was in the U.S. for his company. He was a bit aghast when I stated that any of the internees had the perfect right to shoot anyone taking them to a "relocation center". That "go with the flow" mentality I'll never understand.

      Things are different everywhere.

Article copyright © 3-22-2012 Jay Agan

Makes me PROUD to be an Amurikan. An iffen yew don'
think so mebbe yew awtta go someplace lahk Rooshia!

Propaganda film extolling the benefits of "internment" here. The gummint only had the best of intentions & their welfare in mind.

George "Mr. Sulu" Takei puts to rest any misgivings about "internment" here. He has nothing but praise for it.

Pat Morita talks about "internment"s' joys & wonders here.

Ruth Voorhies talks about her stay in a gummint furnished vacation wonderland here.

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That Elmo Guy

Never did like Elmo. A total Jerk!
Credit: Sesame Workshop


                                                     That Elmo Guy

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan
     
      To say I hate Elmo would be a bit much. I do have a strong dislike for him. I'll explain. Some things need clearing up first.

      A lot of kids seem to be under the impression he's this cute, little, fuzzy, red monster kid on Sesame Street. Older folks even think he's a muppet, an imaginary character. Wrong. He actually is a real person, believe it or not.

      Sure, he's totally bizarre looking, thus lending to the impression of being nonexistant, but nevertheless, he is real. Crazy as it sounds, there are a LOT of folks out there, some in media, who you'd think weren't real but are. Conversly, there are those not so weird looking who actually are figments of the medias' imagination (Paris Hilton & Barack Obama come to mind. I remember reading about Ted Koppel "being one of Jim Hensons' more fabulous creations".).

      He's also not a kid. He's now in his forties & from what I heard of him since he was a frustrated drama student at Ohio State University, he hasn't changed much. I had the displeasure of knowing Elmo back then & the following is how I came to look askance of him.

      He was alway mooching off everyone. He owes me & a few others money. Never tried paying for anything. Always bumming food, beer, & weed off people. Throw a party, he wouldn't have the common courtesy to byob. Not even a bag of chips.

      He'd never hit on anyone unless she was married or spoken for in some way. Right in front of the husband or boyfriend too! What was up with that? Guy was low class/no class.

      Always regaling us with these pretentious ravings about what a great actor he was. Talked on & on of how a thespian of his caliber was being wasted & the world would one day know him for the serious star he was. Bet he never thought he'd end up the way he did.

      Whenever he got up in front of an audience, he was pretty much the way you see him on Sesame St. Of course, he was a lot more vulgar & nasty then. I'm not knocking his success. From all accounts, he's doing well & I won't begrudge him that. But .....

      He seems to be trying to forget where he came from. "Comparing notes" with others & it's pretty much the same all around: Doesn't return calls. Avoids you on the street & acts like he wishes you weren't around when he can't. Acts like he never knew you & is embarrassed when you talk to him with his "new friends" present. That sort of thing.

      Yeah. He's always made it hard to like him. Now more so than before. Darn Elmo.

                                                     Article copyright © 12-19-2010 Jay Agan

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Love Those Special Effects!

                                                 Love Those Special Effects!
            
                                                                     by
             
                                                                       Jay Agan

        Lived in the OSU (Ohio State U.) area back in the 90s. One would think it to be on the wild side but as I was a few blocks east, up against the State Fairgrounds, it was relatively quiet. Yeah, there was some "spillover". Every time the Buckeyes won/lost, a lot of "liberal arts" types would be burning up (Literally!) 12th Ave. a few blocks south.

        "Get away from the car. I don't care if the Bucks won/lost, dont' touch my car. You are not going to overturn/set fire to/dance on my car. Just 'cause the car is blue it does not mean it's from U. of Mich. (thumbs the hammer back). MOVE AWAY FROM THE CAR! NOW!"

        Yes, fun times at OSU. I made it a point to be out of town or "hunkered down" on game day.

        Wasn't just game days. Occasional gunshots would be heard. Screams/yells, firecrackers, & other "party" related noise added variety. Every so often a dumpster would "happen" to catch fire & the Dept. was called. Once I caught three guys trying to break into my car (Ah, kids these days.....). They took off when I hit the kitchen window. A subsequent call to the police revealed they couldn't send an officer to investigate as they were all at the OSU parking garage because a campus officer had been shot. One showed up a couple days later to take my statement.

        One "appropriate" little incident happened while watching George Romeros'  1969 "classic", Night of the Living Dead.

        Late October, 1990, (Halloween time!). Channel 8, a now defunct low power station atop the Levesque-Lincoln tower was broadcasting NOTLD. It was a great little station having all these older films I so much love. I was glad it was around in those (for me) pre-VCR days.

        As during any flick I'd get up every so often for snacks. At the part where Duane Jones rolls the flaming barcalounger off the porch, I get up for a Coke. Reaching in the fridge, I just happen to look out the window.

        Some idiot set a mattress on fire in the alley! Talk about atmosphere! The Dept. was called but as the fire spent itself, not much happened.

        I didn't mention anything to them about flesh eating zombies by the way.

                                                 Article copyright © Jay Agan

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