Friday, March 28, 2014

A Visit to the Vet: An Azumanga Diaoh/Hell Girl Crossover Fanfiction Story

A Visit to the Vet: An Azumanga Diaoh/Hell Girl Crossover Fanfiction Story


C V Ford

"I'm so glad you were hired back Miss Sekimoto."

"Thank you Junko," the nurse replied. "You have no idea how good that is to hear coming from you."


"I should have intervened. I should have gotten Dr. Honjo away from the phone. Your dog-"

"It's okay ... really," Junko reassured. "You were new ... your first job ... you didn't really know about Dr. Honjo and-"

"I knew enough,"  Masami cut in. "I knew from the nurse who worked for him before I started. He even threatened to sue her if she didn't stop telling others. Word was getting around about him. He ..."

"You didn't really know. Like you said, you were just starting your first job ... It was a few days wasn't it?"

"Yes ... But then ... I could tell right off Honjo wasn't what you'd call happy with being a veterinarian. If only I ... "

"It's all right," the young lady said. "It's a broken world. A lot of Dr. Honjos in it."

Masami Sekimoto appraised the girl before her. Junko Kanno matured a lot in the few short years since thier "investigation" of the negligent veterinarian and his disappearance.

"Happily, there's a lot of Dr. Sakakis to balance them out."

"Oh God! She's a wonder to work for. You know, she stays overnight at least twice a week with a patient or two. She really does care about them. Sleeps on a cot in the kennel rooms."


"With her, this place sure has improved since Honjo took off."

"Took ... off ... Yeah."

"What's wrong?" Asked Masami, noticing Junko suddenly quiet and glancing at the floor in a resigned manner.

"It's ... nothing," the teen answered, just as suddenly looking back up, a forced smile on her face.

Every day being a constant reminder of having made that dreadful descision thus separating herself forever from the divine. And NO ONE, not even Masami, could know.

After Dr. Honjos' "disappearance", the Gold Veterinary Clinic lay fallow only a few months. The young, up and coming Sakaki couldn't believe her incredible luck finding a ready made facility with a comparitively low lease. Friends/family as well as a surprisingly sympathetic Savings and Loan, made the dream possible.

Along with the holding company, glad to make something of the property, the other businesses in the area thought it cursed. The young, new veterinarian attributed that to the late Dr. Honjos' declining reputation. With her passionate love of animals and outright enthusiasm, she put that curse to rest and within a short time, gained a reputation as an excellent, first rate animal physician. She more than cared about her charges and it wasn't hard for everyone to take notice.

"Here she is!" Dr. Sakaki, with a smile, came through the examination rooms' entrance way carrying Minty, Junkos' miniature beagle. "Everything checks out."

Petting the tail wagger, the vet set the dog on the wide counter in front of Junko. The girl put off almost a year before getting Minty. She thought she couldn't bear having another pet for the rest of her (Hopefully LONG.) life. As the months passed and resistance ebbed, she finally decided. A chance ad on a convenience store bulletin board regarding a litter of beagle pups sealed it.

"How much do I owe you doctor?"

"Well, it was only an examination ... mmmm ... Let's just save it for when she needs her boosters in about six months."

"Oh! Why thank you doctor, you're-"

A low commotion at the front cut the discussion, the two noting a trio entering, both being brought up short though for different reasons.

Coming in, an older man and little girl, dressed in traditional garb, along with an adolescent girl in school uniform. The little one carrying a gray furred bundle.

"Is ... Is it time? Has she come to  ...?" Junko was almost in a panic, thoughts of ultimate dread racing through her mind.

With Dr. Sakaki, it was, "I KNOW this cat!"

"My grand daughters cat needs uh ... Yes! ... A checkup," the older fellow stated.

"MY KITTY! Hee hee hee!" The small one exclaimed.

Junko grabbed Minty as she started growling at the cat.

"I ... I'll see you later doctor," the girl said as she sidled toward the door.

Junko felt a slight tug on her elbow sleeve, heart leaping to her throat. Turning, she inadvertently looked straight into the unwavering, red irised visage of the "middle schooler".

"Worry not," the pale one said in a whispery tone audible only to the girl. "Your time is long and you have much to do."

Junko nodded and nervously left, though infinitely relieved.

"They must know each other," thought Sakaki as her mind scrutinised the black clad newcomer. "Poor thing ... so pale. Must be albino with those red eyes. Dyed her hair so as not to stand out so much. No schools in the area with that uniform. And as for you ..."

This COULDN'T be the same cat ...

This COULDN'T be the same cat. It was a few years since so the one she was thinking of wouldn't look this young. Though ...

It had the same impish, happy/hostile look about it as it peered at the vet from the shelter of the little girls' arms. Like it was delighted at the prospect of taking a bite out of someone ... ANY ONE. Come to think of it ... So did the little girl!

That "look" on both came off as Dr. Sakaki went back into professional mode.

"Well then," said the doctor as the girl handed the cat over, "let's have a look at you."

There was a difference this time and the feline more than knew it. No hesitancy and an air of overpowering confidence could be sensed. Something told him it wasn't a good idea to bite. Thoughts and the faint scent of that "other cat" were also prominent.

He only growled slightly on recieving his vaccination.


Wanyudo settled the bill with Miss Sekimoto as the doctor, coming out of the examination room and petting the cat with ease, put it in Kikuris' arms.

You know," turning to the old man. "I scanned him and found he doesn't have an ID chip. It would be a good idea for him to have one. He doesn't strike me as one who would keep a tag collar on for long."

"Uh ... That's ... ," Wanyudo replied, having no idea what she was referring to. "We'll give it some thought."

"Is ... Is he Okay?" Kikuri asked concerned, noting the cat tense yet subdued.

"Perfectly fine," the doctor answered. "Most pets are nervous coming to the vet."

Dr. Sakaki watched as the trio and cat left. The three didn't look like they were related at all and if it wasn't for the fact several years passing, she would swear it was the same malicious cat from her high school days.

No ... only coincidence.


"So the Miss is pleased how things turned out?"

Ren and Hone Onna sat on the porch, listening to Wanyuudos' account.

"The cat was the perfect pretext," the 'old man' replied. "And yes, the Miss is quite pleased."

"It bodes well for her when something good comes out of an assignment," said Ren.

"Interesting the 'client' was there," the geisha remarked.

Glancing at Kikuri near porch end petting the animal, Wanyuudo paused.

"Only ... coincidence."


Storyline (only) copyright © 3-28-14 C V Ford

Go to C V Fords' profile page (With listing of his various anime fanfiction stories.) at fanfiction dot net here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. If there's a buncha' other articles under this one then you're already there.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the COPYRIGHTED names/characters, places, dialogue & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their works.

Monday, March 24, 2014


Unless the ignorance is willful.


It's the late '90s and I'm stuck working in a place where my "fellow" employees are NOT the brightest Western Civilization has to offer. I'm talking with one fool about voting.

"VOTING!?" She exclaimed. "NO WAY! I DON'T VOTE!"



"How do you know they're ALL crooks?"


"It's not just candidates and politicians on the ballot. You also can vote on issues, levys, and on taxation. Don't you want to at least have a say in that?"


"Is that the only reason for not voting?"


"It's not just voter registration lists. Juries are also selected from licensed driver lists. You can still end up on a jury."

Short pause.


I suppressed the urge to kick my heavy booted foot in the dolphin tattoo on her ankle.

People who don't vote: THEY'RE ALL CROCKS!

Just sayin' ...

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Starbuck: Lost in Castration

Dirk Benedict as Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica wields a couple of phallic symbols of male
domination. Ladies should always remember that to defend ones self with a gun is to give in
to male domination thus, the criminal/rapist has won. Yeah ... RIGHT!

The following is an excerpt from an article by Dirk Benedict decrying the sad PC state of affairs in mass media science fiction and (I feel.) the way things are in the entertainment industry in general. The article, written in the early years of the last decade, is to me, even more topical now than then.

The whole article can be read here.


Starbuck: Lost in Castration (excerpt)


Dirk Benedict

There was a time – I know I was there – when men were men, women were women and sometimes a cigar was just a good smoke. But 40 years of feminism have taken their toll. The war against masculinity has been won. Everything has turned into its opposite, so that what was once flirting and smoking is now sexual harassment and criminal. And everyone is more lonely and miserable as a result.

Witness the "re-imagined" Battlestar Galactica. It's bleak, miserable, despairing, angry and confused. Which is to say, it reflects, in microcosm, the complete change in the politics and mores of today's world as opposed to the world of yesterday. The world of Lorne Greene (Adama) and Fred Astaire (Starbuck's Poppa), and Dirk Benedict (Starbuck). I would guess Lorne is glad he's in that Big Bonanza in the sky and well out of it. Starbuck, alas, has not been so lucky. He's not been left to pass quietly into that trivial world of cancelled TV characters.

"Re-imagining", they call it. "un-imagining" is more accurate. To take what once was and twist it into what never was intended. So that a television show based on hope, spiritual faith, and family is unimagined and regurgitated as a show of despair, sexual violence and family dysfunction. To better reflect the times of ambiguous morality in which we live, one would assume. A show in which the aliens (Cylons) are justified in their desire to destroy our civilisation. One would assume. Indeed, let us not say who are the good guys and who are the bad. That is being "judgemental". And that kind of (simplistic) thinking went out with Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan and Katharine Hepburn and John Wayne and, well the original Battlestar Galactica.

In the bleak and miserable, "re-imagined" world of Battlestar Galactica, things are never that simple. Maybe the Cylons are not evil and alien but in fact enlightened and evolved? Let us not judge them so harshly. Maybe it is they who deserve to live and Adama, and his human ilk who deserves to die? And what a way to go! For the re- imagined terrorists (Cylons) are not mechanical robots void of soul, of sexuality, but rather humanoid six-foot-tall former lingerie models who f**k you to death. (Poor old Starbuck, you were imagined too early. Think of the fun you could have had `fighting' with these thong-clad aliens! In the spirit of such soft-core sci-fi porn I think a more re-imaginative title would have been F**cked by A Cylon. (Apologies to Touched by An Angel.)

One thing is certain. In the new un-imagined, re-imagined world of Battlestar Galactica everything is female driven. The male characters, from Adama on down, are confused, weak, and wracked with indecision while the female characters are decisive, bold, angry as hell, puffing cigars (gasp) and not about to take it any more.

One can quickly surmise what a problem the original Starbuck created for the re-imaginators. Starbuck was all charm and humour and flirting without an angry bone in his womanising body. Yes, he was definitely `female driven', but not in the politically correct ways of Re-imagined Television. What to do, wondered the Re-imaginators? Keep him as he was, with a twinkle in his eye, a stogie in his mouth, a girl in every galaxy? This could not be. He would stick out like, well like a jock strap in a drawer of thongs. Starbuck refused to be re-imagined. It became the Great Dilemma. How to have your Starbuck and delete him too?

The best minds in the world of un-imagination doubled their intake of Double Soy Lattes as they gathered in their smoke-free offices to curse the day this chauvinistic Viper Pilot was allowed to be. But never under estimate the power of the un-imaginative mind when it encounters an obstacle (character) it subconsciously loathes. "Re- inspiration" struck. Starbuck would go the way of most men in today's society. Starbuck would become "Stardoe". What the Suits of yesteryear had been incapable of doing to Starbuck 25 years ago was accomplished quicker than you can say orchiectomy. Much quicker. As in, "Frak! Gonads Gone!" And the word went out to all the Suits in all the smoke-free offices throughout the land of Un- imagination, "Starbuck is dead. Long live Stardoe!"

I'm not sure if a cigar in the mouth of Stardoe resonates in the same way it did in the mouth of Starbuck. Perhaps. Perhaps it "resonates" more. Perhaps that's the point. I'm not sure. What I am sure of is this…

Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. Hamlet does not scan as Hamletta. Nor does Han Solo as Han Sally. Faceman is not the same as Facewoman. Nor does a Stardoe a Starbuck make. Men hand out cigars. Women `hand out' babies. And thus the world, for thousands of years, has gone round.

Whole article here.

Mr. Benedicts' web site here.

Wikipedia article on Dirk Benedict here.

Wikipedia article on Battlestar Galactica here. The real one. Not that abortion from 2004.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The American Dream. OH YEAH!

The American Dream. OH YEAH!

So I go in to my bank today to cash a check. The teller tries to talk me into refinancing (Whatever the heck THAT means!) my mortgage. On telling her I don't own a home, she tells me of the low interest rates and what a good deal it is.

Good deal? Sure!

Lets see ... I "buy" a house and ...

I pay at least twice as much it's worth over a period of 20-30 years.

I pay a yearly "rent" in property taxes (For education that doesn't educate!).

If I have to renege on it for some reason, I can't keep what I paid for, the bank gets it ALL with no refund.

I'm subject to zoning laws so I can't really do what I want with what is "mine".

I have to get permission from a local government body to make improvements.

Someone else (With local government blessing or rezoning.) could do something with "their" property and lower the value of mine.

The government could condemn it in the name of eminent domain and take it from me (MAYBE paying "fair market value" as compensation.).

So ... Do I own it or not?


Just sayin' ...

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Gassssssss ... A Cautionary Tale

Disclaimer: The following is an article on stupidity and carelessness, NOT a recommendation that one should try this.

Gassssssss ... A Cautionary Tale

No, I'm not writing about that silly 1970 A.I.P film (I liked the '58 Edsel.). Rather, this is about summat wot happened to me back in the '90s while living in the OSU campus area.

Like most bachelors, I tend to be on the untidy side and oft times let things slide. Every few months I'd get tired of living in a pig pen and do some clean up.

One fine clean up, I noticed the toilet had gotten a bit uh ... rank. After some scrubbing, getting what could be gotten out manually, I decided to go the chemical route on the staining.

Now I know urine contains amonia and using bleach on it is NOT a good idea. I had no idea that the bleach would react so strongly to the staining. I'd done this before in the past with no problem and went ahead. After all, the commode was flushed and the water "clean". So I dumped some in.

Being the insomniac I always was, it was time for a sporadic nap.

A half hour later, I wake up to the sound of coughing ... mine ...

Why is there a light mist drifting about my apartment?

Why do my eyes and nose sting?

Why am I coughing?

Why do I think I just did something incredibly dumb?

Putting 2 and 2 together (Twentytwo!), I rush to the bathroom to find the head bubbling/percolating merrily away. Sounding for all the world like I just poured a glass of Coke.

So what if it was the dead of winter, temp in the teens, snow on the ground?

Flush! Windows open! Fans/AC on full blast! Waving a large piece of cardboard around ...

The haze dissipated and as I wasn't coughing up blood or chunks of lung, I went on with life.

I am living proof that God watches over children and phools ... uh ... fools!

Interestingly enough, it was the English who first used gas in warfare.
Comic strip credit: Smackybean on Deviantart.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Full Metal Alchemist: A Reasessment

Alphonse, Courage the cowardly dog, Eagle the not so chicken chicken and
 Edward take a rest by the yellowbrick road on their way to the Emerald City.
Just kidding.

Full Metal Alchemist: A Reasessment

For years I've been avoiding this one. I now find I may have made a mistake.

I usually don't go in for "magic" anime. Yeah, God don't like the occult and I never did care for magic being used as a shortcut/plot device/crutch.

You know the drill:

"So wadaya' make of it doc?"


"Say What!?"

And the story/plot goes merrily on its' way leaving me ticked off about plot holes and scriptwriter laziness.

And what's up with that symbol? Kinda like Blue Oyster Cults'.

Well, I was downtown in the bustling metropolis of Delaware, Ohio the other day when I decided to stop at Gameplay. Not into vid games, I usually go there to check out their DVD movie rack. There I found the first four episode disc to Full Metal Alchemist.

Folks had been telling me for the longest time to check it out and hey, $3.99 used? OK!

I learned my lesson from Puella Magi Madoka Magica (Oh! It really ISN'T Sailor Moon! Now if Aniplex U.S.A. would market it right and put it in a box set instead of three episode singles at thirty plus bucks a pop, I'd get it in a New Jersey minute.).

The story is about the Elric brothers, Darwin and Dudley ... er, uh ... Edward and Alphonse (After the colossal boner that got them in their predicament and on their journey, you'd call them that too!) and their quest to find Alchemys' fabled "Philosophers' Stone" to correct the results of aforementioned misadventure.

From what I've seen so far, the "Dragon Ball Z" and "Sailor Moon" aren't overplayed. It was the "hook" that got me. The "laws" of reciprocity and equivalent exchange are at the forefront from the start. Being something of a Randroid, that appeals to me.

Shoot. If someone told me this was a more action oriented Spice and Wolf of sorts, I'd have got it long ago.

I do wonder if they go into the principle of entropy later. Where something may not be worth the price you're paying. Examples: Physically, a DVD only costs 35-40 cents to make yet you pay many times that (The content jacks the price up.). Or, no matter how much your paycheck, you're never going to be able to buy back even one second of the time you spent at work.

As it is, I'm going to get this one ...

Wikipedia articles on Full Metal Alchemist here and here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. If there's a buncha' articles under this one, you're already there.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Amerikanski President ... So Silly!

He really showed him, by golly!

Amerikanski President ... So Silly!

Comrades! This is Ivan Sergeivich Drobnick. COMRADE Ivan Sergeivich Drobnick to you. Hero of ex-Soviet Union, third class. I want make speaks at you.

See sometink on Amerikanski telewision other day. Sometink dat make Ivan laugh.

HA! ... HA! HA! ... HA! HA! HA!

I see funny little man shake skinny finger at strong man of Russia. Funny little man make big noise about "consequences". Funny little man make like he pres'dent or something. Funny little man make like Russia have no business in affairs of our side of planet let alone next door.

Funny little man iss ... FUUUUUUUNNY!

Ivan roll on floor laff babushka off!

Comrades in Kremlin really shake in sturdy shoes over 'dis one.

What funny little man think is! Leader some kind?

Funny little man let poofdahs and pervskis dictate foriegn/military policy while funny little man play golf.

Funny little man play golf and say cut Amerikanski military to marrow and beyond.

Funny little mans' laughing butt boy make speaks about spend rubles on food stamps than military.

Funny little man think being weak iss being mighty ...

Funny little man ... SIIIIIILLY!

Amerikanskis silly too.

Amerikanskis make him "leader".

Amerikanskis ... STOOOOPID!

Jus' sayinski ...

Don't Mess With Mother Russia here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.