Hey! Rapture Bunnies! ... IT'S ... OVER!

For the rest of the story, click here.

Hey! Rapture Bunnies! ... IT'S ... OVER!


That's right, you good "Christians". I got news for ya! And you're not gonna' believe what it is.

Brace yourselves:

The RAPTURE has already taken place. It's already happened.

That's right! You "heard" me. It's all done and gone. You don't have to look forward to it anymore.

As described in explicit detail in Rev. 3:23-34, the Lord has come and gone with all the GENUINE believers, leaving the rest of us to face the LaHaye/Lindsey (They're still here too!) envisioned apocalypse.

Flood, fire, famine, plagues, sores, THE MARK(!), nuclear war, chaos, alien invasion, flesh eating zombies, Obama getting a third term ... Yeah ... The whole apocalyptic schmear. And ... YOU ... are going to face it!

Yessssss ... YOU!

You see, the RAPTURE took place last week. No one noticed 'cause there were so few actual GENUINE believers out there to begin with. Just a few more missing persons reports was all it amounted to.

Too bad for you too. Now that you're Left Behind ©, you're gonna' have to "put your money where your mouth is" or rather your superficial faith where your martyrdom will be. Doubt you'll hold out long.

Shoot, you'll be the first to take the mark 'n be done (for) with it.

As for me, I just might help the baddies round you up. Never could stand you smug, arrogant rapture bunnies looking down your noses at the heathen to the accompaniment of your self satisfied psalm singing.  I'll get my fun though you won't.

And don't give me that crap that it couldn't have happened because YOU'RE still here.

One thing's for sure.

For you, the Tribulation is about to take place.

Why?

Because I'M here!

MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Just sayin' ...

Igor ... Throw the switch!


Ty Templetons' Art Land here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee main page here.


Disclaimer: The above "theological" rant is meant as a joke and not to be taken seriously except by the sanctimonious. And you know what they say about those who can't take a joke ...

But then ... I say the same about those who can ...

Application: A Hell Girl Fan Fiction

Ai Enma aka Hell Girl. She's out there. Watching, Waiting. Why? You're next!
Illustration credit: Sajcfan

                                                                Application

                                                       A Hell Girl Fan Fiction

                                                                         by

                                                                             C V Ford

Disclaimer: The following is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of Aniplex & Studio Deen. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of these products.

      Nozaki waited as the clock ticked off  the final seconds to mid-night. Not wanting to miss the web site, he felt the need to get things exactly right. In his on again/off again profession, missed opportunities came easy.

      It wasn't the the hot/cold passion of vengeance that had driven him to seek out Hell Correspondence. No, rather it was an anxiousness brought about by a low key desperation. He knew hatred was what got one to that goal or so he heard. He decided to take the chance anyway. Didn't hurt to try. Nothing ventured as they say.

      The clock striking the hour, the screen changed from the blue white blandness of the search engine to that of the momentary flame red then black web page of the hoped for site.

Enter the name of the one you hate & she'll take him to you know where.

      Nozaki hesitated, not quite comprehending  the truth of the moment. The urban legend panning out before him had taken him momentarily aback. Shaking himself out of his brief daze, he typed in the necessary info & hit ENTER. It wasn't the appropriate info but the sole entry field was the only place on the page.

      The screen immediatly switched back to the search engines' characteristic mundanity. At least there was no error message.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      The seemingly young girl gazed resignedly out over the red twilit landscape before her. From the porch she had a perfect view of the vast crimson lake between the valley peaks before her. Yes. Almost beutiful, if one didn't think too much about what it actually was (Revelation 20:10-15).

      "Ai ..... you have a message."

      "Thank you Grandmother," her gaze unwavering in her reply. Many years of lingering experience had numbed her to the import of that announcement. Broken mankinds' thirst for vengeance never waned.

      Getting up, she entered the small houses' main room. Glancing at the old McIntoshs' screen, she expected the usual name entry of one she was to escort to perdition.

      "Oh!?"

      "Is something wrong child?"

      "No Grandmother," Ai replied. "Only something ..... different."

      "Yes. It happens at times."

      Since the internet had taken its' hold on world communications, requests came without let up. Almost always the expected kind. This one was different. The type that came only once every two or three years. The message in the field read, Inquiry: Employment opportunities.

      Ai knelt down at the low table on which the computer sat & typed a reply.

      Nozakis' machine alerted him to the presence of newly arrived email. Hurredly checking his account he did a quick intake of breath. Such a quick response!

      Request recieved. Please allow at least 24 hours for notification as to time & place of interview. Thank you for your inquiry to Hell Correspondence.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      "Shigeru Nozaki, actor though not that well known." Hone Onna held the papers in front of her as she read. In her guise as a secretary for an talent agency, she had gained the info on him easily enough. "It's been several months since he's found any work at all & he's getting desperate."

      Standing with his back to the other three, Ren gave his summation. "Lives quite modestly. Has ambitions to making it big in the field but not above doing any kind of job to make ends meet. Judging by the bills stacked up on his desk, I'd say we have a candidate, Miss.

      Wanyudo, leaning against the porch support, glanced sideways toward the girl. "His last place of employment won't have anything to do with him. While more than acceptable as a washer of dishes, his running off for uh ..... as they say ..... a ..... curtain call(?) didn't help in their estimation of him."

      Ai, her face in characteristic deadpan, silently took the review in & pondered: An actor, with some experience, could be useful. He was, in the words of that trade, "hungry" & could thus put up a good performance when called upon. His abandonment of previous job wasn't necessarily an indication of laziness or being difficult as much as it was dedication to his craft. An interview would reveal more.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ippen shinde miru? Care to give death a try? Perhaps it is time to die."

      Nozaki used the next 24 hours wisely. Cleaned, shaved, suit pressed, resume in order, he was ready. Sitting by the phone reading a trade journal, he half patiently waited. He tried not to let the tension get to him.

      For the past several years, the world economy had been lagging. In their well intentioned destructiveness, the worlds' would be leaders & politicians only made it worse. Employment had been wanting, especially for lower tier members of the acting profession. While Shigeru had some modest success as an actor in voice work & even a few nonspeaking walkons in television, it didn't pay the bills. Though he did save money from his work & from past regular employment, he estimated he had about two months before taking residence in the street.

      So he sat, in somewhat tense expectancy of the hoped for call. What he didn't expect was the tangibly felt presence to his left.

      Jerking with a start, he took in the sight before him. Though he knew a young woman would probably contact him, it never occured to him it would be a black clad adolescent. As a dedicated obsessive compulsive he "KNEW" his doors were locked so this had to be the fabled "Hell Girl" & not some kid wandering in off the street. He couldn't recollect any schools in the area with a uniform like that. And those un-nerving red eyes .....

      "I take it ..... you are ....."

      "My name ..... is Ai. And you have summoned me."

      "Interview?"

      "Here."

      Bringing himself up, he directed her to the kitchen table where his resume & other info lay.

      "Never thought I'd be saying this to an interviewer," waving his hand to a chair opposite, "please have a seat."

      ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      "I'm guessing the interview did not go well Miss." Ren walked to Ais' right on her return to the house in the in-between.

      "It went well enough until ....."

      "Yes," Ren said knowingly. "It's always that."

      ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Nozaki let out a sigh of more than nervous relief. Close!

      The interview had gone quite well at first. His prospective employer seemed quite satisfied with his bona fides & the offered terms of compensation were quite good. Much more than he ever made. His being an actual human meant "special needs" taken into account thus the pay/benefits rather generous. The nether world did have more than ample resources.

       "Yes," he thought. "Almost took her up on the offer ....."

      Almost ..... if it wasn't for that MANDATORY "retirement" plan .....


Copyright © 1-30-2012 Jay Agan


Another Hell Girl fan fiction story here.

Hell Girl review here.

Go to Main Page here.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

Rapture Bunnies: Digging My Grave Deeper

                                 Rapture Bunnies: Digging My Grave Deeper

                                                                  by

                                                                      Jay Agan

      Time: 11 years ago.

       Place: A warehouse (Ahem! DISTRIBUTION CENTER!) particularly the toy & sporting goods departments. Many Clients. Where I got to know more about Pokemon than I cared to (Thankfully mostly forgotten. For a crash curse ..... uh ..... course on Pokemon, click here. Everybody Polk-a-mon!).

      The cast: 1. A "repulsive" little man with a sullen manner who I took an instant dislike to but later found to be an OK guy. Let's call him Carl.

      2. The ..... rapture bunny. Seen during lunch & breaks literally poring over a volume of the Left Behind series. Moron ..... uh more on him later.

      3. Assorted fellow workers.

      4. A mish mash of go-getters, cheerleaders, rah rah boys, self motivators, bootlickers, rats/snitches, & self appointed guardians of the hive mind (ie.: Those "amateur spies" Orwell warned about in 1984.).

      5. Yours truely.

      Atmosphere: PC to the max & beyond. Check your civil & Constitutional rights at the door. Only a list of outmoded suggestions anyway. Especially that Bill of Rights part ..... thing.

      How PC you ask? Check this out.

      I was "caught" having a conversation with the toy depts' manager & a co-worker about the toys of yesteryear. I commented on the varied uniforms of the original 1960s GI Joe line of dolls ..... oops! ..... action figures. I made a mention of the SS garb complete with swazi armbands.

      A new supervisor (Seldom seen out of his office.) was walking by & looked strangely at us. Made me wonder what the heck his problem was.

      Twenty minutes later I'm called into this guys' office. I was told to watch what I say. After all (In his words.) a "holocaust survivor" might be walking through the warehouse & be offended (Hasbro, the makers of the GI Joe line, is short for Hassenfeld Brothers. Did they ever feel offended by any of their own products?). Oh yes. Would I be so kind as to sign this paper stating my humbleness/  contrition, acknowledgement/confession of guilt/evil & acceptance of just punishment consisting of being barred from any future promotions, raises, transfers, etc. for an indefinite period of time? Uh ..... no.

      He seemed to be rather put out by that & we tangled later on other things. Seems the business had a policy of not firing anyone but rather let pressures compel one to quit. That way no question about unemployment benefits.

      And pressure there was! List is too lengthy of the games management played. Let's just say a lot of people walked, as I eventually did (In one case a dept. of eight took off all at once!). It was because of these walkoffs people were being constantly shifted around to take up slack. Wich is where the main part of this story begins.

      I'm moved with Carl & the rapture bunny (He was from another dept.) to the "outdoors" section to pick 'n pack. One order called for a couple of American flag beach towels.

      AMERICAN FLAG BEACH TOWELS!

      Ever since I became aware of this countrys' rush to suicide, & its collective determination to drag me & everyone else down with it, I have, year by year, become less & less patriotic (The country wanting to kill itself is one thing. To take me along & have me subsidize it as well is quite another.). But even today, I KNOW you don't toss the flag in the dirt in order to keep sand off your posterior! True, the colors were a bit off & there was a white anchor in the field of blue BUT .....

      I got rather vocal about it.

      So much so that within the hour the dept. supervisor had me in his office. He said to the effect that people had the right to be in a safe/secure workplace & Ihad "distressed" some of my co-workers. I stated I had threatened no one.

      Be that as it may, would I be so kind as to sign this paper stating my humbleness /contrition, acknowledgement of guilt/evil & acceptance of just punishment consisting of being barred from future promotions, raises, transfers etc. for an indefinite period of time?

     What was this? Double (not so) secret probation? (FOOD FIGHT!)

      Having read the "charges" I said no.

      We agreed I would sign if he reworded it & sent me back to work. I should NOT have agreed to anything (I needed the job & my mental state was not the greatest during this period in my life.). This did get me a breather & I was able to steel myself for what was next. In fact, I got mad. PISSED!

      There the inquisitors were. In the sporting goods section, interviewing everyone about the "incident". The rapture bunny was absent. Must have been on break. Those asked pretty much gave general answers about how ticked off I was but said I threatened no one. When they questioned Carl, his answer was "I didn't hear anything." They asked him three times. Same answer. My respect for this man jumped from negatives to right through the roof!

      Later, I'm back in the supervisors office. Four other people were there. Three of his cronies & the jerk from the GI Joe affair. That was the capper. I flat out refused to sign.

      To say they were a bit put out by it would be putting it mildly. I wasn't off balance this time & no one got anywhere. Sticking with their policy of "let 'em walk" I didn't lose my job.

      The supervisor admitted the towel looked too much like the flag & though patriotism being all well & good but ..... in so many words, business was business & guidelines were guidelines. Ja! Ja! Und befehl ist befehl! Moloch must be fed. I wonder what those fools were thinking several months later when patriotism came back in style right after 9-11.

      Well I go back & everybody was on break except for ..... the rapture bunny. Just him & I. There he was. On the phone. Talking to the supervisor .....

      "Oh no! He wasn't really trying to ..... I mean he wasn't upset about ..... What he was really upset about was ....."

      I could only stand & "marvel" at the sheer idiocy of the whole thing (If I said or did anything they'd add it to the "list".). In his eagerness to clear up a "misunderstanding" he confirmed/affirmed not only their conclusions but also was digging my grave deeper. How many people in graver situations have suffered because of the eagerness of "good citizens" to "clear things up"? How many have paid more due to the "helpfulness" of such unwanted "friends". With friends like these ..... who needs enemas?

      Maybe he was doing it out of Christian "love". Maybe he thought he was doing the "right thing". All I know is innocent people around the world have gone through much worse than I because someone was being "helpful". Dictators thrive on that sort of thing.

      About a month or two after this I walked. I took Carl aside & told him what I thought of him before & after the above incident & that I had nothing but the utmost respect for him. We shook hands & I left.

      Rapture bunnies. If in the event the "situation" gets theologically ugly (Or it being only another one of many dark pages of history.), they'll be the first to take the MARK when the gospel of Lindsey LaHaye doesn't pan out. When they see Jesus isn't going to be airlifting them out any time soon, they'll become disillusioned/disappointed & hitch their wagons to another star. They'll be the first to turn on you & rat you out. Toward the end they'll be warming themselves by fires fueled on volumes of the Left Behind series.

      In the words of the noted survivalist writer, Kurt Saxon: "The only rapture they'll feel is the taste of human flesh when they're hungry."

      Oh yes. God bless you Carl, wherever you are.

Article copyright © 10-8-2011 Jay Agan

Rapture Bunnies 'r Fun! here.

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.

On the Rapture, Third Impact, Armageddon & All That



For those Evangelion fans who ACTUALLY
think redemption comes from this direction,
 I got news for ya ..... It's a cartoon.

                        
                         On the Rapture, Third Impact, Armageddon & All That

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan

      As is now known, a one Harold Camping has predicted the end of the world starting on May 21st. Through his "numeralogical" permutations he claims to have found the exact date of the Great Flood & figures 5-21-11 to be exactly 7000 years after. Many (rightly so) disagree with Mr. Camping including yours truly (I have plans for the Memorial Day weekend after, & will more than likely, go through with them.).

      I have found, with some amusement, many of those who disagree with Camping cling to an equally silly "doctrine" called "THE RAPTURE". The second coming presumptively entails Christ "catching away" believers & leaving the rest to fend for themselves during the seven year chaos known as "The Great Tribulation" mapped out in the Bibles' book of Revelation, culminating in a "third coming" of Christ to set up his millenial kingdom on Earth.

      I've often wondered about the book of Revelation & what a cool anime series it would make. Hideki Anno could have a ball with it! As it is, I guess we'll have to settle for the closest thing to it, the Evangelion franchise, even with its Gnostic/Kabalistic wierdness.
     
      It's not the purpose of this article to prove/disprove the "rapture" or any other part of "The gospel according to Hal Lindsey & Tim LaHaye". I will only say I think it to be a classic case of taking Bible verses out of context & reading something into scripture that isn't there.

      As for me, I LIKE the idea that all my troubles & cares would be over by the 21st. Finally! It's over! I can "relax" for eternity. Heaven now, all right! How do I know I'm heaven bound? You got a point there. As a believer & "walking the walk", I really stink at it. I make God sad. I'm always amazed he hasn't zapped me out of sheer frustration by now.

      "That's it, Jay! You've done it for the last time!" POW!

      Bear with me, please.

      Howsomever, let's say, for the sake of arguement, that the rapture bunnies (And for that matter, Harold Camping.) are right. So ..... what?

      Many believers have become so engrossed & preoccupied with the end times they seem to have lost sight of the "big picture". To wit .....

      Yes, the rapture/end times could come at any moment. That does not stop the fact that in your own case it could be irrelevant. How so?

      You could die tomorrow. There is no guarantee you'll wake up here. You might wake up "there". Which "there" is it going to be? Heaven or that other place? (And I'm not talking about Cleveland!)

      You see, "the rapture" could be as imminent as a heart attack. Doomsday could be creeping up on you in the form of a life threatening disease. A "freelance socialist" could "armageddon" your sorry posterior on the street.

      You could be so focused on the Apocalypse that you wouldn't notice it coming from another direction in a very individual manner.

      You are to be on your guard at ALL times. Prepared for death at anytime so one can meet the Lord in full confidence you're ready. Here's the scoop:

1. Romans 3:10/Psalm 14:3-  Keep in mind, you're not good enough to get to Heaven on your own. No matter what you do, you're just not "good" enough.

2. Romans 3:23-  You're under a penalty & will always fall short of being good enough for God on your own.

3. Romans 5:12-  It's because of Adams' transgression that we're under this condition of death & sin. It can't be "cured" by ones' own effort.

4. Romans 5:8-  God, however, loves us & provided a way out from under this crushing penalty. His son, Jesus.

5. Romans 6:23-  Our sinful condition can only result in death. But through Jesus Christ, eternal life can be gained.

6. Romans 10:13 How? Here's where it starts.

7. Revelation 3:20-  He's calling you (And has probably for quite some time. You just won't bother to hear it.). All that's needed is for you to let him enter your life & take over.

8. Romans 10:9 & 10-  If you believe from within that He rose, so will you one day. If you tell others that He runs your life as well, you are destined for Heaven (Providing, of course, that He actually IS in charge of your life!).

9. John 3:16-  That pretty much settles that!

      Yeah. I know I didn't actually quote these verses. Look 'em up. READ them. Read them along with the verses before & after them. Hey! Read the whole chapters they appear in. Then again, read the book of Romans all the way through. Paul may get a little rocky so I suggest you try it with a Contemporary English Version. It's almost like having a conversation.

                                   Article copyright © 5-14-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.
         

Another Wot Coulda Been Anime

George Barrows as the beast of Revelation strikes
in Robot Monster. 1953 Photo credit: Astor Pictures

                                         Another Wot Coulda Been Anime

                                                                 by

                                                                     Jay Agan

     The last family on Earth fights a desperate struggle for survival against an alien "horde" composed of a single invader. Hilarity ensues when the Ro-Man turns out to be George Barrows wearing a gorilla suit & space helmet! Name of the film: Robot Monster! A Phil Tucker masterpiece guaranteed to bring on the laughs. The reviews it got back in 1953 alledgedly drove Tucker to attempt suicide. Just watching it may get you to thinking the same. Fer instance:

     Familiar stock footage from One Million BC, Flight to Mars & other oldies to pad it out.

     An epic "battle" scene straight out of DBZ (Just kidding!), where the heroine is obviously giggling over her perilous predicament.

     Atrocious philosiphizing about how "must" & "cannot" be existentially reconciled. Think of all the screwy pop philosophy/dialogue that comes up in so many anime. ("People die when they get killed." How profound!)

     A "near rape" scene that has you going ..... "What the ..... ?"

     Special effects consisting of flashes (Uh, oh ..... "The Pokemon Effect"!), electrical buzzes, negative exposure photography, & lots & lots of ..... BUBBLES!

     Maybe they could have the Sailor Moon & Dragonball folks collaborate on this one.

     Most critics & discriminating viewers were really down on this one when it was released. While the incredible cheesiness & under the top quality are more than obvious, I cannot help but wonder (Spoiler ahead!): It turns out in the end it was only a kids' fever dream. A fellow on the Classic Horror Film board once remarked about this film on how the "production values" of a lot of his dreams/nightmares were pretty sparse. Same for me. It could be the ultra schlockiness of this flick was intentional & nobody got the "joke". Instead it's on us.

     By the way. The composer of the "opressive" music for this film is Elmer Bernstein. I find it hard to believe this is the same guy who wrote the compositions for DeMilles' The Ten Commandments. If so, a classic case of "from the depths to the heights."

     "You can not escape me ..... Hu-man! ..... Very well ..... I will recalculate ..... Your death will be In-De-Scri-BABLE! Fool ..... hu-mans! There is no escape!"

Robot Monster trailer & commentary here.

Hell & High Water: A Movie Wot Coulda Been Anime here.

Go to Main Page here.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied (With permission.) in whole or in part. Please include proper credit and backlink.
                                           
                                                Article copyright © 2-3-2011 Jay Agan