Queen Of Blood/Queen Of Schlock

Wish the cover art for the copy I have was this kool. Love the rocket!

                      
                                      Queen Of Blood/Queen Of Schlock

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan
     
      Take ..... a smaller studio specializing in low budget coolness (American International), an aging but still well known actor (Basil "Sherlock Holmes" Rathbone), some relative unknowns to be "names" later (John Saxon, Dennis Hopper), the editor (Forrest J Ackerman) of every kids' favorite monster movie magazine (Famous Monsters of Filmland) in a semiprominent non-speaking role, SPFX & mood shots/clips from 2+ east European sci-fi films. Cobble this mess together & whaddayagot? A Roger Corman flick called Queen of Blood!

     The technocratic govt. of future Earth (1990!) recieves a message from a distant world: They're willing to share their advancements & an ambassador is on the way (Oh, goody!). The alien ship crashlands on Mars & scientist Rathbone gets a rush program going for a rescue mission.

      One of the rescue crews only finds a dead occupant, while the backup on Phobos inadvertantly runs across the ambassador (Florence Marley). Transferring her to the main ship (And leaving an astronaut behind.) the expedition heads back to Earth.

      The green being turns out to have an appetite for human blood (She chews out the wrist.). Through her powers of mesmerism, two of the crew (Dennis Hopper, Robert Boon) buy the farm. It's almost curtains for John Saxon, but is saved by the intervention of Judi Meredith.

      In the ensuing quick struggle, the alien is merely scratched & bleeds to death. Seems she may been some kind of overly inbred "royalty" thus hemophiliac.

      On arrival to Earth, it's found the ship is "infested" with "eggs". Turns out the "ambassador" was actually an "advance guard" to colonize our planet for her vampiric kind. A still ecstatic Rathbone & science team gather the eggs for study. The film ends with a smiling Forrest Ackerman looking down at a tray of pulsating ova he's holding.

"Uncle Forry" (Forrest J Ackerman) looking quite pleased with himself as
he examines a tray of alien eggs at the end of Queen of Blood. Credit: AIP

     
      Queen of Blood/Planet of Blood was a flick Channel 10 (WBNS, Wolfe Boots News n' Shoes, Columbus, OH) would trot out (Seemingly every two months.) often for Chillers' late nite double feature on Fridays. For some odd reason(s) I actually loved this bit of cheez. Maybe it was the upbeat moodiness of the first half coupled with the claustrophobic eiriness/oppressiveness of the second. I do know I always liked Basil Rathbone. Don't think I would have bothered to watch if he wasn't in it (Kind of like Battle of the Worlds.  For me, Claude Rains "made" that picture.).

Article copyright © 9-22-2011 Jay Agan

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Sanctimonious Do-Gooders From Outer Space

"Hi. We're from the United Federation of Planets, & we're
here to help you." Oh, yeah? Get lost, ya creep!
Gort & Michael Rennie in The Day the Earth Stood Still
Photo credit: 20th Century Fox

                               Sanctimonious Do-Gooders From Outer Space

                                                               or

                               Just Who the Heck Do They Think They Are?!

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan

      This is a tale of two movies. Both on the same "message" but handled quite differently.

      I dislike "benevolent" aliens. Or "benevolent" "adults"/authority figures for that matter. Nothing yanks my chain more than someone doing me a bad turn "for my own good".

      "You don't understand," they chide. "There is a geater purpose/good to be served. Something far greater than your petty, selfish concerns. Something only we (Insert name of self selcted, "morally annointed", special interest here.) know the full scope of & you cannot. Therefore, we must curtail, attenuate, penalize, tax & restrict you. You will, one day, come to the realization it is all for the best (Having your best interest at heart.) & profusely thank us/beg for forgiveness for it.

      Never mind I think for myself & use common sense. Never mind I deal noncoercively with others on a one for one, value for value basis. Give no credence to the facts I have a mind & life of my own. Their vision of heaven on earth & my subsidizing of it must take precedence.

      Take for instance The Day the Earth Stood Still (No, not that recent abortion with Keanu Reeves.). Michael Rennie plays a smug, yet impatient emmisary from a planetary alliance concerned with the possibility of earth bringing its' "stupidity, petty jealousies & suspicions" (Along with atomic power.) beyond our solar system. Of course, the film shows him to be entirely justified (The only reason I still have this flick is Bernard Herrmanns' film score.).

      There are already too many influential people with Klaatus' mentality involved in our national affairs. This is one of many reasons why our country has lost its' greatness & has become the "worlds' policeman" (And, for that matter, why NASA continues to be underfunded & fulfil the role of "global cable guy".).

      Another, but much better film, is War of the Satellites. A "crappy" little "B" movie Roger Corman cobbled together in a few weeks. The aliens are pretty much the same, even going so far as to sabotage our space program through violent means (Our own politicians prefer to do that legislatively.). They claim we're "not ready" but humanity eventually shoves them aside & goes on being humanity (Oh! The humanity!).

      It would be wonderful to one day shove aside the "aliens" among us (On both sides of the aisle.). & get on with mans' destiny of real exploration & expansion, on & off the earth, in & outside ourselves.

      Ready or not, universe. Here we come!

                                Article copyright © 6-5-2011 Jay Agan

The Day the Earth Stood Still trailer here.

War of the Satellites trailer here. So what if it's not the greatest sci-fi film made. Its' "message" (If any.) is much more positive than that of the big budget one.

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Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

Poster/photo credit: Walt Disney Studios

                                    

Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

by

Jay Agan
      

"No! You can't see that movie. You'll be scared & have nightmares."

   

The usual response I'd get from Mom when pointing out some cool show advertised in the paper.("Uncle Vince" & Roger Corman were THE team back in the early 60s.) Missed out on a lot of great stuff due to such overprotectiveness. She meant well but come on! A kids' gotta have his fun. Not that we didn't go to movies. Mostly kiddy fare. Usually Disney, Disney, & more Disney. And therein hangs a tale.

After an umpteenth refusal for us to see Pit & the Pendulum or other such vileness, Mom let Dad take us to see another Disney offering. Ah, yes. More uplifting, wholesome, family goodness! Now, normally, people don't think anything from the Disney studios to be damaging to children. True, there was that off screen shooting of Bambies' mother, but that was a mild anomaly not to be repeated. Disney films were supposed to be masterpieces of life affirming, goodness & spiritually edifying fun & happiness. Or so most thought at the time. Howsomever, we kids hadn't reckoned on a tour de force of jollity & good cheer bearing the title of.........Old Yeller.

Dad took us as Mom had to stay home with baby sister. Had they come with us she would have understood the folly of shielding us from the world. She got it second hand. Boy, did she ever!

I don't remember that much about the flick except for the last 20-30 minutes: Disease! Rabies! Death!

Tommy Kirk takes the gun from Pa.

Cut to barn door opening.

Shot of foam at the mouth title character in stall.

Back to Kirk taking aim.

Quick cut of "Cujo" taking a flying leap at the camera.

Quick shot of gun muzzle. BANG!

Fast fade to black.

A few seconds pass as it registers on the audience.

Little moans. One here. Another there. Several more scattered round. More dispersed yelps sprinkle the crowd. More. A little more, till it's evenly spread throughout. All in coordination, it rises in pitch & volume. Higher. Louder. Louder! Higher!

All united & chorousing upward into an overwhelming crescendo of primal scream.

Pandaemonium. Whole & total.

People jumping, hitting the cieling. Writhing on the floor. Throwing up in the aisles. Running about in bounce off the walls panic.

The kids were even worse.

Maybe I exagerate but you get the picture. We were, to say the least, in shock. Traumatized.

Dad, scanning about the theater, a look of abject disgust of his face. Through the tears, I'm thinking, "cool!"

It settles down a bit & everyone watches the epilogue/wrap-up. (Older Disney flicks had anti-climactic ending scenes.) The replacement puppy shows up (They gonna shoot him too?) & the crying crap starts in again. The End. Not yet kiddies....not yet.

The square in Mt. Vernon lies on a gentle slope. The Vernon Theater occupied the lowest (southwest) corner. Out of this "wailing well" come the most piteous squeals, echoing off the First Knox Nat. Bank & other structures. Reverberating down the side alley, bouncing off Brinings News Stand & back up. (Vine St. didn't channel any of it away.) Gives it a sort of "stroboscopic" effect. First time I ever heard sound in quite that way.

Heading home, Dad tries to explain rabies to us. We're having none of that. Reality indeed! Hey! They shot the dog! Deadern'a door nail! Waaaaaaah! Cars pull to the side, thinking an emergency vehicle needs to pass.

After all the dog did for them! Brought fun & happiness into their dull, inbred, backwoods existence. Making life more interesting in Deliverence country. Saved em from the bear 'n wolves, etc. Then they had to go 'n shoot him! Darn old subsistance farmers!

We're sort of settled down by the time we pull into home.

Getting in, Mom cheerily greets us, " so. How was your movie?"

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
    
Younger brother, stares blankly at the wall, mouth hanging open. Youngest brother, sitting, back to a wall, rocking back & forth, muttering, "they shot the dog ....eh...eh ....eh ....eh ....eh ..eh....eh.....they shot the dog!" Little sister, letting out a minutes long wail, not once pausing for breath. Dad, staring at the cieling, with a "Why me?" kind of look.

"John. John? JOHN! What kind of movie did you take them to?! It wasn't that horror movie, was it?!"

"For Gods' sake Hon! It was a Walt Disney movie! It was Old Yeller!"

"So what happened?"

"Aw, they shot the dog."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

"Oh, shut up!"

We didn't go to the movies much after that. On many a Sunday night after. When The Wonderful World of Disney/Color would come on. I'd curse that guy  whenever he'd appear.

"Hello, boys & girls!"

"You're sick Disney! Sick! I hate your slime covered guts! Die, you -------! Die!"

Fast forward a few years to military school. Wednesday movie in the rec hall. 16mm projector puttering away. (Buena Vista presents.......uh oh.) It's the one about John Wesley Powell exploring the Grand Canyon.

"We can't take the dog with us. Here...", handing the rifle over. (Oh, no. Not again?!)

The guy takes aim.

Cut to a wide eyed, happy looking, wiggly tailed, little terrier, toungue hanging out. I swear, the dog actually smiled!

Hand pulls the hammer back.

Back to happy dog.

"Agan, quit yer cryin!

"I'm not cryin!"

"Yeah, right."

"What's goin on?"

"Aw, Agan's cryin."

"Shut up man! I'ma kick yer butt!"

"Yeah, right."

Guy relents & lowers the rifle. The pup is saved. Whew!

Yes sir! The ole tried 'n true Disney formula: KILL THE DOG!

Folks think I'm warped due to all the crazy flicks/books I've watched/read over the years. Not so. It wasn't Lugosi, Karloff,  Price, Corman, the Chaneys or any of the other greats who put my miniscule grey matter in a bunch.

It was that darned Disney.

I hate you Walt.


Article copyright © 12-17-20


Old Yeller as I saw it. (Parody trailer is not mine).


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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.