Saturday, March 31, 2012

Darn ..... That ..... Bill!

One of the entrees typical of Bono Pizza.
Photo: Columbus Crave/Columbus Alive
Disclaimer: Parts of the following article are not meant to be condemnatory rants or whines. It's  all for entertainment purposes only.

                                              Darn ..... That ..... Bill!

      I attended Revoluticon for the almost express purpose of seeing Weatherly Hardy (Proprietor of Aardvark Tees.) at his booth in the dealers room. The con itself didn't hold much for me, it not being an anime only event. A lot was TV oriented & most of what was movie related I thought kind of dull. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, "Star Trek vs Star Wars"? Meh .....

      Getting to the dealers room, I find Mr. Hardy & his son Noel at the Aardvark Tees tables tucked away in one of the large rooms' corners. There we conversed almost two hours about politics (We're both more or less "small L" libertarians.), & media related topics. As five o'clock was nearing, I had to embark for the Godzilla seminar on the 6th floor.

      The seminar was on the original 1954 Japanese language version of the aforementioned film. Somewhat disappointing, I knew more about it than the two panelists (I'm such a nerd!) . I will say they knew more about the other films in the franchise.

      Six o'clock rolls around & it's back to the now shut down dealers room. Weatherly & I pre-planned to go out for pizza. Some weeks before, he had a posting on his blog about the merits of Lenders bagels & other cuisine. I happened to mention the subject of wood fired pizza & where to get it in Columbus.

      Bono Pizza is a "hole in the wall" establishment in the back of The Corner Market (1717 Northwest Blvd. At the corner of Chambers & Northwest Blvd. in front of a Krogers grocery.) the proprietor being a one Bill Yerkes.

      Mr. Yerkes is, to say the least, an interesting sort. Sort of a cross between Strother Martin & Ed Wood Jr. A child of the 50s/60s, he's been all over the world "been there done that ..... twice." A real life Captain Tylor, he joined the Navy & managed to avoid basic training. Managed night clubs for the Navy & owned/operated restaurants literally from Palermo to Podunk.

      Columbus certainly looks different at night. After at least three wrong turns we managed to arrive at Bono Pizza. There we were greeted by Peggy, Bills' "long suffering" wife & sat ourselves down. It didn't take long for Bill to find us.

      "Hi Jay! I see you & your friends are in town for the hentai convention!"

      Kill me ..... Kill me now God ..... Make it quick ..... Painless if possible.

      Bill looks on my interest in anime as more a predilection than a hobby & insists on calling ALL anime hentai. He definitely knows the difference but he'll be dipped if he's going to verbally acknowledge that. He also likes to refer to my large old car as "the pedo-mobile" thus furthering my exasperation (I prefer my women real & of legal age, thank you.). Needless to say both Weatherly & Noel found much amusement in this & were quite audible about it.

      While waiting for our goodies, Bill regaled them with "sea stories" especially about trips between Pensacola & Mobile via Foley, Alabama.

      We, of course, enjoyed our pizzas (Mr. Hardy had nothing but praise & did a nice write-up in a posting on his blog.) & we finished it off with a Belgian waffle. At one point, Weatherly stepped out to make a call, his business covering two other cons (St. Louis & Atlanta.). I didn't think much of this until a couple days later.

      As we departed, I noticed Peg sitting in a chair on the restaraunts' patio watching us intently. Didn't know what to make of that until ..... I noticed a hastily scrawled sign hanging in the drivers side window of my car.


      This ..... next to the sidewalk ..... for all the world to see.

      My bowels in a turmoil.

      "What the ..... Herp! ..... D' ..... gack!"

      Noel, who was about to get in the back seat, drivers' side, also saw it & busts up laughing.

      "I don't stinkin' believe this! Holy ..... Weatherly! Take a look at this!"

      He comes around the car & cracks up too. Ah yes ..... sympathy ..... Where is it? Oh yeah ..... in the dictionary ..... between s--t & suicide!

      Back on the patio Peg's clapping & laughing her head off. Bill ..... nowhere to be seen (He was in & out all the time, attending to some cooking pasta.).

      We pile into the car & Noel has to put his five cents worth in:

      "Hi Jay! I'm Chris Hanson. Have a seat!"

      Nothing ..... but ..... abuse.

      After a few more wrong turns we got a quick tour of my favorite part of Columbus on High St. The now closed down Zanes' Gun Rack (A story in & of itself.), the gym that used to be the Camelot/Drexel North Theater, The Soldiery (wargames), & The Laughing Ogre (Manga, comics.).

       I drop them off at the Ramada Plaza & do a quick look-see of the con only to find nothing of interest. It was off to the folks to celebrate St. Pats' the next day.

      Monday I get a call from Bill, who, to say the least, was quite pleased with his little joke. It turns out Weatherly had a hand in it. He suggested "free candy" instead of toys on the sign.

      Sigh ..... I've a host of friends. And with friends like these .....

The Aardvarks Plumbline blog here.

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  1. Now, Jay, you cut me to the quick. I received a call from Aaron, and politely took my leave. After the call, Bill engaged me in conversation. Any comment I made was purely speculative and comical. I knew mischief was afoot when Bill got excited and ran into the restaurant for paper and pen. When that happened, I was a conspirator. I mean, I COULDN'T just blow Bill's fun out of the water...I had only just met him. See the quandary I was in? I was hostage to my own Southron gentility.

    I do not recall Noel's car comment. That's my boy!

    Nicely written, yet subtly slanted piece here. ;^) Seriously, I would not worry about anyone reading that sign. The only people I saw walking were college-age out on Saturday night. Either from alcohol or their education, they probably could not read it.

    1. Didn't mean to state/imply resentment or hostility. This article is meant to be comical not condemnatory. A lot of folks think my use of "sarcasm" in writing to be hostile when it's not meant to be. Am adding a disclaimer to that effect.

      I didn't think any malice from you or Bill were intended along the line. I thought the situation to be quite funny. I CAN take a joke ..... uh ..... maybe ..... I think ..... ;). Ahem!

      For any misunderstandings this article may have brought about, I humbly apologize.

  2. Not a prob, Jay, I,too was employing sarcasm, or at least arch humor. I forget that you do not know me that well, and of course, the whole internet-not-conveying-emotional-content thing is at work. We're cool, bro. (I just hope that we can turn that "bro" to "brony" ere long!)

    1. Re. "conveying-emotional-content":

      Me ..... a ..... "brony"? BRONY!? In the eloquence of Charles Shulz: