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I Felt Like Such a Stooge
Autumn, 1989. Read in the Arts & Entertainment section of the Columbus Dispatch there was going to be a Three Stooges film fest at the Palace Theater. Eight episodes of low brow humor as only those three jerks could do. Had to see it & went.
The Palace Theater isn't called THE PALACE THEATER for nothing. Located ground level of the Levesque Lincoln Tower in downtown Columbus, Ohio, it's ..... well ..... palatial. Very ornate & gaudy inside, a treat for the eyes. A baroque opulence you must be present to experience. A grand throwback to the time when going to the movies was an EVENT.
A local celeb (Who I can't recall.) was there, but a real extra treat was a fellow who billed himself as "The Man Who Would Be Curly." Had the schtick down beautifully too.
Can't remember most of the eps they flashed on the BIG screen (Those little screens at multiplexes just don't hack it.). Except for Disorder In the Court & Malice In the Palace, it was mostly a blur. Especially the last four. Here's why.
After the fourth ep, intermission time. I decided to wander around the cavernous theater & take in the sights. I stumbled upon a fantastically ornate room & went in to admire the decor & furnishings. While there, I noticed a restroom at the far end. After a while, I decided to leave. As I left, two women went past me going in, looking at me quite strangely. Huh? Then it hit me.
I quickly glanced up at the top & to the side of the ornate rooms' entrance.
Dashing back to the auditorium, I whipped off my camoflauge field jacket, revealing my sweater. If the ladies were going to give a description, it wouldn't be about some mad voyeur in a bright red sweater.
I was really cursing myself: "Idiot! Pay attention jerkwad! I don't believe I ..... You dumb, stupid ..... This is something those three idiots would do! You moron! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!!" A lot of other things too.
I sat off to the right side of the theater slumped down, trying to look as much a part of the scenery as possible. My reasoning was they would be looking for someone leaving, & I was bound & determined to finish this viewing of the films. The rest of the presentation went off OK, me scanning the room every few minutes for wrathful ushers bent on rooting out "sick boy". Nothing happened.
Leaving the theater, I didn't stop for souveniers or candy, putting on my field jacket when I was blocks away.
Oooooooo! I was almost a victim o' soicumstance! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
Article copyright © 1-23-2011 Jay Agan
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