Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter One of a Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story



DISCLAIMER: The following story is a work of fan fiction created for the purposes of entertainment only and not to be construed as a statement of/by or necessarily a reflection of or on the views, opinions and methods of the staff and management of Fan Fiction dot Net, 4chan, any other entities/individuals mentioned or their affiliates. Any actual similarities are purely coincidental.

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The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter One of a Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

by

C V Ford

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Chapter 1: The Fan and the Plan

Carl read the finished work for the umpteenth time ... and visibly shuddered ... for the umpteenth time.

His work was an anime pornfic. Not that he cared for porn. It certainly wasn't his forte'. No, he wrote it for different reasons. Not to titillate or appeal to the baser instincts though that was part of the means, but to tweak some noses and yank some chains.

This was going to be a pranking experiment. To see how many and how diverse a group of folks he could offend.

His targets were:

"Moralists", both left and right of all stripes - He hoped to raise the ire of racists/anti-racists, feminists, so-called Christians, self proclaimed PC police, social justice stormtroopers ... er ... warriors, ecumenicals, fundamentalists, conservatives, liberals, tolerance nazis, and anyone else of the "freedom for me but not for thee" crowd(s).

Other pornfic writers - These folks would be a "gauge" of sorts. If he could shake THEM up a little, then he knew he was on the right track.

This meant he had to write the most repulsive, sick and demented story he could come up with. It would have to offend the sensibilities of the most depraved and the most self righteous at the same time.

In short, the literary equivalent of having breath bad enough to knock a buzzard off a gut wagon ... at thirty paces ... DEAD!

The story was to consist of detailed explicitness in the most gross and effluvial manner as possible along with scatological imagery. And to be written with as high a literary standard he could muster.

In his weak moments, he had read enough porn over the years (Way back when a lot of porn novels actually had a plot!). Some was well written. A LOT was beyond crude and so badly done as to be next to unreadable and in some cases, laughable. Having written some himself for his own amusement, he was convinced that, had he tried, he could have made some serious dough in that field. It was evident (To him anyway.) he was a better writer than what a lot of the "professionals" passed themselves off as.

He even toyed with the idea of collecting as many old, trashy porn novels he could find, rewrite one per month and submit to publishers as his own work.

Rework the plots a little, change the title and character names, rewrite to a better standard ... No one would notice the plagerism and, he was sure, a steady stream of income.

As for his prank ...

As it was an anime fanfic, he chose his venue well.

An effective way, to him, in measuring the popularity of an anime was to go to Goggle Images and: (Name of anime.)/hentai/ENTER.

The "top" three franchises as far as his "research" was concerned were:

Sailor Moon

Neon Genesis Evangelion

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Though he had some fun back in the '90s picking apart Sailor Moon in its' initial U.S. run on Fox Kids' weekday time slots (Hey kid! Those long transformations and histrionics could get you killed in the real world!), he still wasn't familiar enough with it to try fanfic. That and the fact it was such a dumb show to begin with, the same dang plot every episode. It was as bad as the old Scooby Doo series in that regard.

The artwork wasn't all that great either. The character designs themselves were the shows' only real good point as far as he was concerned. In the hands of better artists the characters became a hentai staple for over twenty years running.

He loved Neon Genesis Evangelion. As a former divinity student, the theological "hook" had him intrigued. OK, so the female characters were a distraction as well ... Ahem!

The problem with the characters of Misato, Asuka, Rei, Mari and the others was that they were "flawed". Because of their emotional/psychological issues, they didn't come across as "Americas'(?) sweethearts" or "the girl next door" types.

He wanted a franchise with a more happy/positive veneer. Scratch Evangelion.

The third choice was ideal. While he loved Evangelion, he absolutely ADORED Haruhi ... The series that is. About a girl who was (Unknowingly!) ... GOD!

Say WHAT!?

Back during its' first run in Japan in '06, he was lurking on Quadchan dot org in the Anime and Manga section when he ran across a thread headed with a "group shot" of the shows' main characters.

"Hello Wanda," talking to himself. "What're you doing in cartoons?"

The title character bore a superficial resemblance to a fondly remembered girlfriend from waaaaay back. Same length/color hair, round face, body type ...

"Getting a little creepy there, Carl," he thought as he went his merry way. "As the saying goes, 'she's a cartoon, not your waifu'."

It also didn't help that the Mikuru character looked a lot like Traci Lords (1).

He originally had no intention of getting any of those high school comedy/"slice of life" anime. His then goal in the previous decade was to round out his video collection with anime films and shows of the sci-fi, action, and military sub genres. Underage female characters were not his thing nor was Japans' scholastically mandated fetish outfit (Sera fuku!). He had more than a gut full of that while educated in Catholic schools and was rather picky about his women being real and of legal age to begin with.

A couple weeks after, he was again at that image board when he stumbled across another Haruhi thread wherein a question was raised:

"Let me get this straight. She's ... God, right?"

Oh ... Really?

A further reading revealed the character MIGHT be God or at least coming close to omnipotent.

"Hmm ... A bossy, hyperactive, capricious high school girl is unknowingly God. And it's up to her friends to make sure she never finds out or the universe gets tanked. Interesting."

Slightly intrigued a little more, Carl catologued it in the back of his mind and pushed on.

A couple months later, he bought a copy of Anime Rough Guide and fell across a more concise blurb about the show and decided to buy it if he ever got around to it.

Two weeks after, it got around to him.

At a central Ohio video game store (They actually had some old Mexican made horror films from the '50s and '60s!) his eyes espied a used copy of the first disc (four episodes) of the series. Snapping it up at $9.95+tax, he took it home and watched.

He was hooked.

The next several years ended with his possession of both seasons, the two "chan" series and Disappearance. Like most fans, he was unhappy over Kyoanis' discontinuance of the series. Unlike most fans, he actually liked Endless Eight ... Providing he took it in two episode "bites". His recently being informed (By a pornfic writer no less!) of the series "continuance", The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, had him ecstatic.

Some time after the initial purchase, Carl took to making a blog, carlsteevee dot com. There, he posted articles and musings about his favorite cartoons, anime and old movies. Quite a few of the articles were on his now favorite anime franchise, some playing along with the "joke" about the title character possibly being God.

He also took up writing fan fiction of various anime in the hopes it would make good practice for writing professionally one day. Several of them were based on The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. These he also posted on his blog. About a year after, when his confidence in his ability built up, he started putting his work on Otakufiction dot net.

He now had over forty stories posted and still going strong. A lot of "follows" and reviews, mostly favorable. Looking for "more worlds to conquer", a thought hit him and began to germinate in his mind.

He had always been something of a practical joker and was continually coming up with stuff to pull on others, mostly of the individual and small scale.

Why not a larger scale "hoax" of some kind? Something to stir up controversy, provoking thought and confusion. With him in the middle of it pulling strings and manipulating one and all. One to raise the emotions and ire while playing on their lusts and weaknesses thus making fools of many.

All in good fun of course (Insert sinister laughter and "bwa ha has'" here.).

With Otakufiction dot net, he had a ready made "forum" capable of reaching many people. And he set about making just the bait to draw them in.

It took him just over two weeks preparing that bait. About five days of initial writing in his spare time, the rest rounded out with editing. Hmmm ... Change a word here ... Move/rewrite that sentence there ... Add a word/sentence ... yeah ... This sentence/paragraph would be better there than here ... and on and on.

The piece involved Haruhi, Yuki, Mikuru, Tsuruya and Ryoko in a group sex situation with a horde of American servicemen while on a school field trip to Okinawa. He was NOT going to include Little Sister. Pre-teen lolicon gave him the crawling creeps beyond measure. No, he didn't think he could stomach going in that direction.

The title of the piece was aIRtight. Title in small case with IR in caps. IR for interracial, "airtight" in reference to a rather "interesting" group sex practice. (2)

Putting as much of his imagination into it as he could, in the end he was "satisfied" with the result ... That is, if you could call satisfied being so bummed out as to question your eternal destiny.

Carl never thought he could go as low and as far as he did ... and in such a high quality, literary manner as well. Keeping the four letter words at absolute minimum while being so explicit, descriptive, proseful ... and ... gross.

"Yes," he thought. "This really is a broken world ... And I'm the most broken of all."

Partly in disgust of himself and the world in general, he shelved it, going on to other projects and keeping the story far from his mind as possible.

Which was IM-POSSIBLE.

What has been written cannot be unwritten and the piece continually preyed upon his mind.

He wanted to forget it ... couldn't.

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Finally giving in to the urge to throw out bait and see who/what bites, he implemented ...

THE PLAN

He had already set up two "dummy" accounts at Otakufiction dot net from two different locations some weeks before. One, under the pen name of SixSick6 to post the story, and another to give a favorable bogus review ... Priming the pump so to speak.

"Let's see ... settings ... "

All were set on NO. No indication of what country the account was from. No guest review moderation or profanity filtration.

And no acceptance of Private Messaging. All flaming was to be right out there in the open for the world to see.

"No means of discerning location or direct contact," cautioning himself. "Let 'em all think it's a commie plot or something."

He chuckled to himself on reflecting his time as a young man during the pre-'90s cold war and the Reagan administration.

Though what he was about to do wasn't illegal, he felt the extra layers of security would keep him from direct harassment or having his "legit" account closed down. The story would be a definite MA rating, above the M (mature) restriction set by the web site. He estimated the story would be pulled by the moderators one week, two tops. Time enough to cause what he hoped would be an uproar and maybe give cause for a flame war or two by the indignant.

The story of course was written in a style unlike his usual. Also, instead of posting with title, by and author at the top, he just entered the story "as is" like so many others did on the site.

It was on a return trip from a biweekly visit to the folks he made his move. He always "made a day of it" on these trips, stopping at "bargain basements", thrift shops and used book stores in his quest for books, movies and shows he liked. A few more stops on the way home were no problem.

Now, at a computer in a library in another town, he posted the story.

Accessing the SixSick6 account, he entered the story in doc then "filled out" the New Story section in preparation for entry. The summary blurb read:

Haruhi and the other babes in group sex with U.S. servicemen while on a field trip to Okinawa. Rated quadruple M for gratuitous racism, gooey messiness, scatological imagery and absolute lack of safety. Don't like, don't read. Knowing the way some of you are, even if you don't like it, you're gonna' read it anyway ... more than once.

"That oughta' bring 'em running," he said to himself.

He clicked the 'publish' button.

"Forgive me Haruhi, for I know EXACTLY what I do."

To be continued ...

Story (Excepting mentioned anime characters.) copyright © 3-3-2016 C V Ford

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1. Traci Lords was a famous porn "actress" in the early '80s noted for her cheer leader, "girl next door" looks and "enthusiasm". Her "fame" really went through the roof when it was found she was underage, resulting in one of the more interesting court cases of the latter years of the twentieth century.

I can only wonder if Noizi Ito, the character designer for The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, had Ms. Lords in mind when she came up with the appearance of the Mikuru character.

2. For those of you who may be wondering if I actually wrote the pornfic itself, the answer is ... yes. NO, I'm not going to post it. In fact, I deleted it. Washed my hands. Took a shower ... and washed my hands again.

Sometimes I scare myself ... really.

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The Porntrolling of Haruhi Suzumiya chapters 2, 3, 4 Final Chapter.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list at fanfiction dot net here.


Go to Jays Tee Vee blog main page here. Any other articles under this 'un means yer already there.


Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work that are copyrighted by others. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

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