Alien 9: You Get What You Pay For, Not!

                                    Alien 9: You Get What You Pay For, Not!

                                                                   by

                                                                       Jay Agan


     I only knew of this very fleetingly in passing. From what I saw of the trailer it didn't look like the kind of anime I'd be interested in. Now having seen it I'm sure of it.

     Awhile back I saw one of those "what I saw, what I expected, what I got" three panel illustrations regarding Alien Nine. The last panel was of Neon Genesis Evangelion. That piqued my interest. I thought maybe the show had something to do with conspiracy & quasi theological/apocalyptic overtones thus making it a little deeper ... Wrong. The only similarity Alien Nine has to the Evangelion franchise is an even whinier protagonist. I didn't think it was possible to out-whine Shinji!

     While browsing through the Half Price Books on Lane Ave. in Columbus I fell across a copy. As the price was only 3.99+tax I thought I was getting a deal. Instead, I got dealt. Turns out four episodes is the entire series. It doesn't end, it just stops. Maybe J C Staff ran out of money or (From having viewed it.) they gave up in disgust.

     First, it makes no sense. Some 6th graders are chosen to fight/catch monsters/aliens that just happen to show up at the school. Some drop out of the sky in biologically engineered spaceships or in the case of Yellowknife, just drop out of the sky. Some, particularly the little critters, just happen to pop up every now & then. It later turns out that one of the "teachers" orders those over the net & turns them loose at the school for the kids to catch!

     The kids are "assisted" by the symbiotic "frog hats" (Borgs) that they wear. These hats have various defense "mechanisms" to help ward off/capture/kill the critters.

     Now the disgusting part. The show is partly softcore lolicon. Naked pre-teeners, anime or otherwise, are uncalled for. Two rather disgusting scenes have the "frog hats" tongues attatched to the kids backs while in the communal bath/sauna lapping up sweat. I found from a Wikipedia article the "frog hats" "live off their hosts wastes". If I had read that before I saw this disaster I would have assumed the aliens ate crap. As it is, the creator of this "franchise" possibly does.

     The Wikipedia article also goes on to say that because of its' rarity & low price, Alien Nine has become something of a cult classic. Cult? Of what? Creepy lolita fixated neckbeards?

     I can't believe this mess is from the same people who gave us the classic, Azumanga Daioh. Needless to say, I pitched this. At least I can use the DVD case for something better.

Copyright © 8-10-2012 Jay Agan

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