Friday, April 26, 2013

The Big "What If" of Haruhi Suzumiya: A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction

The Big "What If" of Haruhi Suzumiya

A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction


C V Ford

I was warned. Much more than twice & not just by Taniguchi. Others who attended East Junior with Haruhi clued me in on her past as well as personality. Her odd behavior & outlook certainly made her stand out.

Call it curiosity, masochism or, admittedly, just plain libido, I was attracted to her ... at first. As Taniguchi said, she certainly wasn't hard to look at. But ... A pretty face can hide a warped mind blinding one to it & ...

One indication of strangeness was her undressing in front of everyone for gym, even before the guys left for another room to change. Modesty didn't seem much to her. That & the feelings of others.

The alternate daily hairstyles (The initial icebreaker between us.) I found intriguing as well as endearing. Cutting her hair shorter right after my inquiring about it was certainly off putting (An attempt to put distance between us or just to spite me?). It didn't hurt her looks any, but I really missed the ponytail she would put it in for gym.

There was also the fact she, at one time or another, joined every school club/sports team then walk away from it after a few days at most. Super talented, great at sports & just about everything else, all the teams/clubs did what they could to get her to stay on. She'd have none of it.

Taniguchi in particular, filled me in on her (very) checkered romantic past. Absolutely nil. She'd be "with" someone on an average of a few days at most then, like the clubs/teams, drop the guy like a live grenade. Said she found guys uninteresting as they weren't the sci-fi types she was looking for. Thought life more interesting if some were the aliens, time travellors, espers & sliders she only read about.

Friends & classmates thought it interesting I could actually get SOMETHING of a conversation out of Haruhi. Taniguchi was especially intrigued & Ryoko Asakura, due to her concern as our class rep, wanted me as a go between for info on her.

For a fleeting moment, I thought the class seating rearrangement would put a halt to our non- relationship (She was more than just starting to get on my nerves.) but no such luck. The only good thing coming of it was we were now in back next to the windows thus some scenery ... her presence still seated behind.

It was at the start of a typical day of mandatory education/indoctrination I engaged her in some of our customary before class small talk. Getting around to the subject of the schools' clubs I asked her to tip me off if she ran across any that were interesting.

She went off on a tirade about none of them being remotely worth her while, even citing a couple examples being nothing more than collections of fans & freaks (Look who's talking!). Then bemoaning the fact there weren't any strange/cool clubs & humanity being a bland joke in general.

I explained that that was the way it was ... but ... While most folks were pretty much satisfied with their lot, there are & have been those few who weren't & did something about it. It's always a minority of a minority responsible for any real human progress. Their thought, invention, building, struggle, & achievment were the reasons we have all the things we enjoy in the present.

As for the general run of humanity ... well ...

"... ordinary people are probably better off living their ordinary little lives in an ordinary manner-"

"Shut up!"

"Uh ..."

"Hmmph!" She turned looking out the window.

From our previous conversations & observing her with others, I knew she could be rude, even verbally abusive. It bothered some & was certainly getting to me at times. It never ocurred to me she could be abusive physically as well. Maybe it was she wasn't ever close enough with anyone before to get that far. It's said "familiarity breeds contempt" & maybe we had gotten "familiar" enough for something to happen. All I know is what happened next was totally unexpected & sudden.

About two thirds of the way through first period English I felt a set of fingers close around the back of my collar & a hellacious yank compressing my throat, pulling me backwards. Next was the pain as the back of my head whacked the desk behind. Man! That REALLY hurt!

The only other time I recieved a blow to the back of the head was from a bully in middle school who was giving Kunikida a hard way to go. Without thinking, I spun around & we went at it. Wether it was he not being as tough as he wanted everyone to think or I was tougher than I thought or both ... A teacher had to separate us. He never tried anything with us after.

The source of pain being a woman this time kept my fists from flying as I jumped up & faced her.

"What the hell's wrong with you! I oughta'-"

"I got an idea!"

"Like I should care! You-"

"I can't believe I didn't realize it before! It's so obvious!"

And she so oblivious!

"Now look!"

"If it doesn't exist I should just make it myself!"

"Make what yourself? I don't-"

"Make a club!"

My thoughts turned to one of a different kind.

"Look! Can it will ya? It's-"

"What's with you!? This is what we're talkin' about! You should be happy about this development."

I slowly undid a fist & put the hand on her shoulder. "Look ... I know where you're coming from but ..." I turned toward the rest of the classroom before us & gestured, "we're in the middle of class!"

Teacher & fellow students, Taniguchi & Kunukida nervously amused, the rest only nervous, watched as we got back in our seats.

"Uh ... sorry ... ," to the class.

Haruhi only muttered something under her breath.

I was in a muttering mood myself. That crack to the back of my head was already having its' after effects. If you've ever had that happen to you, you know what I'm talking about. It's not so much the pain from the initial blow as it is the shock shooting lengthwise through your brain & colliding with the front of your skull. Leaving a not so dull, lingering ache between the frontal lobes & the top & backs of your eyes. This deep headache was going to last at least all day. That damn Haruhi! Where did she get off DOING that!? She was damn lucky I didn't haul off & ...

I undid my tie & unbuttoned the shirt collar in hopes of relieving some of the pressure building in my head.


Class over, the teacher left after the customary bow. I turned, starting toward the door for some air when ...

Haruhi instantly grabbed my tie & started running, obviously with the intention of dragging me off somewhere. The tie whipped out as I tried grabbing it, my hand shooting up & deflecting the end into my left eye.


She slammed to a halt, dumfounded, looking at the loose tie in her hand completely ignoring me clutching my eye & bent over.

Holysonofawhatthe ... ! Unbelievable! In the space of less than half an hour I'm injured twice by this fantastically callous jerk! You STUPID ... unheeding ... little ... !

I straightened up, looking at her with my one good eye. The one hit was tearing up fast!

Haruhi looked up from the tie proclaiming, "you're gonna help!"

Like hell I was gonna do anything but give her more than a piece of my mind! In baseball, it's three strikes for an out but I wasn't going to wait for the third. I grabbed her by the arm, hauling her, protesting, to the corner behind her desk. Still holding my left eye, I looked with my one good one into hers.

"I ... have no interest ... whatsoever ... in your club ... or anything else you have on your mind. I was warned about you. You ... are a rude ... obnoxious ... self centered ... ABUSIVE ... little ... b---h. And I want ... absolutely ... nothing ... NOTHING! ... at ALL ... to do with you.

"Listen ... & listen good. From now on ... Unless we have to be in the same classroom together ... DON'T ... come near me. Unless we're forced to work on something together here at school ... DON'T ... even think ... of talking to me. Any thought ... idea ... whatever you have rattling around in that head of yours ... is of NO concern to me. Keep away! You're poison ... And as for your club or whatever, you can take it and ..."

I turned my back on a shocked but also obviously PO-ed Haruhi ...

I turned my back on a shocked but also obviously PO-ed Haruhi & started toward the other door with every intention of having the school nurse take a look at my eye. It was really hurting & watering so bad as to be running down my cheek!

I waved an approaching Ryoko off so she rushed to Haruhi now stalking out of the classroom, trying to communicate with her. Taniguchi with Kunikida stood waiting.

"Looks like we're gonna have to get you to the nurse Kyon!"

Way ahead of you Taniguchi.

"Wow Kyon!" Kunikida exclaimed. "For a moment there I thought you were gonna punch her lights out!"

For a moment there, I thought I was. We stepped out in the hall, fast walking to the infirmary.

"Kyon ole buddy ... YOU ... have made history. I don't think anyone has EVER told her off. But then ... I don't think anyone has ever gotten close enough really to know what she's like. Too bad it was you ..."

Thanks Taniguchi. You're a real morale builder.

"Guess this rules out any future possibilities in her direction."

Goes without saying!

"Well Kyon," Kunikida piped in. "There's other weird fish in the sea."

Et tu Kunikida?

"Kyon! Wait up!"

We turned to see Ryoko catching up, concern written all over her more than pretty face.

She walked with us to the nurses' office, lamenting she couldn't get a word out of Haruhi. Like I cared!

I informed her of what happened & reiterated what I told the menace ... In a much nicer way of course. Caring & sweet as well as the prettiest in the school, her personality in more than sharp contrast to Suzumiya. Doubtful SHE could hurt anyone ... not even unintentionally.


The nurse took one look at me, slapped a patch on the eye & personally drove me to the emergency room. Two doctors examined me, exclaiming how lucky I was in avoiding any really serious damage to the eye. After applying medicine & a new patch they sent me home with a prescription & a note for school the next day. The rest of the day off from school ... At least I got SOMETHING out of it!

Getting home, I got lots of sympathy from Mom & some from Dad on his returning home from work. After school, little sister refrained from pestering me about anything, even bringing me goodies as I tranquilized in front of the TV. I later called Taniguchi & Kunikida informing them I would live. They, in turn, relayed thankfully light homework assignments, easily done.

After a great dinner of omelette rice & some of my other favorites (Mom was going all out to make me feel better.) I turned in early.

I was puzzled how such a beautiful girl
could have such a warped personality ...

I thought about Haruhi before falling off. I was puzzled how such a beautiful girl could have such a warped personality. It made no sense to me ... her acting the way she does & her callous treatment of others.

Well, as far as I was concerned, any possibilities in that direction ... what might have been ... were over before they started. I figured it best to find out sooner than down the road where it could have been much worse.


Another day of mandatory education/indoctrination, I stepped into the classroom. Something didn't feel ... right.

I knew the day already wasn't going to go as well as I would have liked. I woke with a dull headache with my left eye hurting somewhat. Some kind of head cold I guess ...

Yamane sat in his usual place behind mine, head buried in some book.

Looking up, he must have noticed my expression as he asked, "something wrong Kyon?"

"Not sure", I replied getting to my desk. "Something wierd ... out of place."


"I get in here & seeing you sitting there ... I can't help but think ... Maybe someone else should be sitting there & not you."

A girl maybe?

"Nope ... As we both know, been here since we drew names/numbers a few weeks ago."

"Y'know? Come to think of it." I scanned the room as more people filed in. "The whole seating arrangement here doesn't seem ... right."

I looked diagonally three rows over, two from the front.

"This ... is ... really ..."

"Really what?"

"Shouldn't a girl be sitting there instead of ... ?"

Yamane gave a puzzled smile. "Sure you ain't flipping out or something?"

"Or something ... Like some kind of weird form of ... deja-vu."

"Hey! Maybe you're experiencing a 'butterfly wave' of some kind."

"A ...? Yeah ... sure ..." I noted the book he held up. Yamane always was absorbed with sci-fi of one kind or another. Couldn't fault him for it. Until recently I was into it myself until I got bored/disillusioned with it. Still picked up the odd related manga every now & then though.

"Kinda' like an I go back in time, shoot my grandfather paradox kind of thing?"

"Yeah, & everything needing correcting does so up to the present with major or lingering after effects."

"No ... Doubt it's anything like that. Just not feeling good right now. Bit under the weather ..."

"Be cool if it was."

How could it be cool if something like that DID happen? There'd be no way of knowing.

"That book about anything like that?"


"Any good?"

"Not as good as the last one."

"Your last one, that was-"

"The Melancholy of Yukari Tanizaki."

"Oh yeah, about a crazy, weird teacher with an attitude who happens to be God & doesn't know it?"

"That's the one," beamed Yamane. "It's up to her friends on the faculty to make sure she never finds out. If she does, the universe goes in the tank!"

Yeah. As if ...

"You oughta' get back into this stuff Kyon. Nothing like firing the imagination."

No ... I was steadily losing my sense of wonder. Reality closing in & plenty enough for me right now.

As cool as it would be if stuff like that were real, my knowing it would never be pretty much put a damper on the enthusiasm I once had for it. Besides, if stuff like that was the normal state of affairs ...

How would anyone know it was cool! Be as mundane & commonplace as things are now. Just as well ...

Storyline (only) copyright © 4-26-13 C V Ford

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Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their works.

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