Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My Fellow American: A Lucky Star/Lucky Channel Fanfiction

Not what's in the following fanfic but I thought it appropriate.
Translation on the Kanji & Hirugana anyone?

My Fellow American: A Lucky Star/Lucky Channel Fanfiction


C V Ford

"Luckeeeeeeeee Channel! ... Hiya Luckeeeeeees! ... Glad you could drop by to see me. I'm Akira Kogami ... "

"And I'm Minoru Shiraishi!"

"And lucky you all are today. For the first time EVER, we have a special guest."

"And special she is. A most interesting character on the Lucky Star program."

"And that would be?"

"Why Akira-san, she's none other than Patricia Martin ... And here she is!"

"Hello everyone ... I'm very pleased to meet all of you."

"So tell us about her Minoru."

"As our viewers all know by now, Patti-san ... I can call you Patty can't I?"

"Oh go right ahead."

"Thank you. As you all know-"

<"Don't get too familiar with the guest Shiraishi.">

"Patti-san is an American exchange student living/studying here in Japan immersing herself in the many aspects of our culture."

"Anime/manga is culture?"

"Oh yes Akira-san! I've been a devoted student of anime/manga. These are artforms totally unique to Japan. Nothing anywhere near like them anywhere else. I've learned so much of Japanese culture from them which has helped me in SO MANY ways."

"Is that so?"

"Yes Patti-san. Tell us how much it has enriched your life."

<"Still getting too familiar Shiraishi!">

"Well ... It has certainly helped build my language skills-"

<"Which explains why you sound so slangey & weird at times">

"-thus helping me in new discoveries."

"So ... And what uh ... discoveries would they be?"

"Yes! Tell us about anything new you may have learned!"

<"Still trying to chalk up brownies, aren't you?">

"Well, my most recent find concerns you Minoru."

<"Too informal! She's actually calling him by his given name!">

"Uh ... Me! ... I ..."

"Oh yes! ... It's about something you mentioned in our pre-program interview a few days ago that got me to thinking, so I decided to check up on it the moment I got back to my apartment that evening."

"And what would that be?"

<"Yeah ... Just what would THAT be? Shiraishi's about as fascinating as uncooked ramen ...">

"Remember when you told me that you were born in Los Angeles?"

<"Huh? ... He never mentioned anything like THAT to ME!>

"Uh ... Yeah. My parents were there a couple years for the company my dad works for ... Mom was going to be sent back here to have me but I was premature."

<"That explains a LOT. I thought it was because you were dropped too often as a baby.">

"I went & looked up some things & ... Well ... You're an American!"

"I'm ... What!?"

<"Woah! ... Something just got interesting!">

"Yes. A fellow American!"

"Now wait Patti-san ... How can that be ... I-"

"According to Ammendment 14 of the United States Constitution, ANYONE born there & uh ... 'subject to the jurisdiction thereof' ... Is a U.S. citizen."

"Now Patti ... I would hardly think that would apply to me. Considering I'm here & not there. I'm not ... What did you say? ... Oh yeah! ... I'm not 'subject to the jurisdiction thereof.' That's how you put it, right?"

"But you were when you were born there ... I mean ... Your parents were there on business, right?"

"Mmm ... yeah."

"And they weren't diplomatic people or other Japanese government staff, right?"

"Uh ... No ... They weren't ... but ..."

"Hold on a sec Martin-san! You mean to say Shiraishi here is a ... a ..."

"An American Citizen? Yes!"

"A ... gaijin!? ..."

"Now hold on just a minute Akira!"

"Ha! ... Snicker! ... Snort!"

"With all the rights & privileges that go with it! ... Oh! ... And here ... I have this for you."

"Ummm ... Just what is it? My English & Romanji are a bit rusty. I wouldn't know where to ..."

"Look at the top."

"What the- ... Those are my parents names, I can make that out & ... That's my name! ... What is this!?"

"A copy of a certificate of live birth from the county of Los Angeles."

"So that proves he's a ... Gasp! ... Chortle! ... Derp! ..."

"The next morning I phoned a friend in L. A. whose dad works there in city government. He got in touch with someone in public records. She then faxed this to me."

"No! ... This isn't happening ... I ..."

"This certifies that a Minoru Shiraishi was born to a ------------- & ---------- Shiraishi on --/--/-- at Ceders Sinai Hospital, city of Los Angeles, Los Angeles County, U.S.A.."

"Then he really IS a ... Bwa ha! ... Gi! ... Hee hee! ... "

"This ... This isn't ...!"

"Just think! ... When you come to my ... OUR ... country ... All you have to do is show them this. Immigration would pass you right through. You wouldn't need to go through the citizenship process ... You wouldn't-"

"This isn't right! It can't be true ... it ..."

"Oh man! I'm really lovin' this! Unbelievable! Bwa ha ha ha haaaa!"

"-You wouldn't even need a green card to work! You're already a-"

"Gaijin! Yee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Heeee!"

"But! ... But ... Sputter! ... Gheeeeh!"

"Oh God! ... Ha! Ha! Ha! Haa! Haaaaaa! Patti-san! ... This ... This is too much! ... Gehip! ... Harg! ... You ... You two're killin' me! H' hyuk!"

"But Akira-san ... It's true! Isn't this great Minoru?"

"No ... It's not!"

"By the way ... A notarized/certified copy of this is on its' way ... Care of this station."


"And that's ... Grp! ... Smirk! ... about it for this episode ... snicker ... gasp! ... REMEMBER! ... Gasp! Wheeez! ... You heard it all here first on Luckeeeee Channel! ... Bye ni!

Title board slips/drops into place.

"Bwa! Ha! Ha! Haa! Haaaaaaa!"

"Now come on Akira! ... Both of you! ... I ... I was registered here in the Home Islands!"

"That means you have dual citizenship. Wow! You have the best of both worlds! You ..."

"But ... Har! ... Har! ... Gack! ... He's the worst at ... Heep! ... EVERYTHING!"

"I am not, darn it! ... And I'm just as Japanese as you are!"

"Hey! ... Whatever you say ... Gaijin! Bwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haa! Haaaaaaaa!"

"A ... ki ... raaaaah!"

Bzzzzzzzzzzt! Boop! Dark screen.

Storyline (only) copyright © 2-5-2013 Jay Agan

Lucky Star: Yak! Yakkity! Yak! here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, & events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase & enjoyment of their products.

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