On the "Chemical Enhancement" of Films

                                                                        by
                                                                            Jay Agan


                        "When I was young & irresponsible, I was young & irresponsible."
                                                 Comment allegedly said by Pres. George W. Bush

         
      The first time I was ever drunk (two shots of Yukon Jack & a beer), I drove home. Yeah. I know. Stupid with a capitol STUPID. Didn't get caught & (Thank God!) no incident/accident. I definitely DO NOT recommend drinking & driving. If you must get drunk (Do you really?), do it at home & have someone hide the keys. Which brings me to this article.

      I get home, marveling at the side effects, & turn on the tv. Nite Owl Theaters' Chiller Night (WBNS ch 10)  was on & half way thru the first feature. The 1941 Jekyl & Hyde with Spencer Tracey. Talk about apropo!

      The tv screen was twice the size it usually was. A black & white set, it had this eerie semi-technicolor blue glow. The sound was enhanced with a "depth" I had never experienced before, not to mention that echo effect. Any movement of the screen, I could more than feel. And there. As Mr. Hyde. Was Spencer Tracey leering down at me. I didn't know people had teeth that big! The films' "poney girl" dream sequence knocked me on my posterior. (Did I just see what I thought I did? Huh? What? Whoa!) I have this flick in my collection, but without the booze, it isn't the same.

     Fast forward about 10 years. The days before I collected films. Desperate for entertainment, I recalled the aforesaid experience, & took up alky again.

     In the late 80s/early 90s, ch 61 had Republic Theater (Rep. Pictures flicks) & another show that had poverty row/public domain movies on late at night. The days of Shock/Son of Shock & other pre-70s film packages on ch 10 & other stations were long gone. Nite Owl Theater was reduced to showing newer & foriegn drek.

     Thanks to beer, I was able to take in flicks I wouldn't be caught watching, dead or sober. Romances, chick flix, singin' cowboy junk, musicals (Yuck!), etc. I passed many of what otherwise would have been boring nights that way.

      It all came to a head one day. Or day after. After taking in "Exterminators In the Year 3000" (along with an 8 pack of malt liquor) on Nite Owl the night before, I spent the first half of Saturday pondering wether or not to pray at the shrine of Ralph. The great porcelain god won out & I gave the unabsorbable poison the ole heave ho.

     I haven't done this in years & doubt I'll ever try again.

     "Uh! Urp! Oh geez! Rrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllph!!"


                                              Article copyright © Jay Agan

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