Inception: A Mini Non-Review

Couldn't find a suitable Inception demotivational but
this pretty much sums up my feels for that piece of crap.

Inception: A Mini Non-Review


"Saw" only the first few minutes. All I could make out while gazing at the low light/no light, brown filtered/gelled, epileptically edited action(?) opening were semi-vague humanoid shapes, and extreme close-ups of body parts and talking heads. Something about going down a rope out of a window or off a balcony was involved ... I think.

After a few minutes, I took the disc out and threw it away. What the heck, it was only a three buck Goodwill buy so it didn't break my wallet. I'm going to miss those three dollars though ...

My new criteria for movie watching is:

If I can see better in the dark than I can see watching a movie then I'm NOT watching that flick.

Why does Hollywood do this? Why do they make flicks that are visually strenuous to watch?

They may say it's art.

They may sat it's cinematography.

They may say it's "en scene".

Horseshit! It's garbage!

At least any PC bull crap that might be in the flicks they make these days is less effective in propagandizing if they're hard to see.

Jus' sayin' ...


Why I can't watch todays' movies here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this one means you're already there. You're sure to SEE them.

Todays' Movies ... UNWATCHABLE GARBAGE

Todays' Movies ... UNWATCHABLE GARBAGE


I can't bring myself to go to the movies anymore. Aside from the fact they're usually being PC garbage doing a drive by on my sensibilities, there is something else.

The films are mostly UN-WATCHABLE.

Filmed in fish-eye tunnel vision and epilepticly edited.

To wit:

1. Shaky cam - The constant bobbing up and down of the picture because they decided to NOT put the camera on a dolly in an action scene. Or the slow vomit inducing weave and roll in slower scenes.

They say it's for the sake of "realism". I don't know about you, but when I'm running my vision is a lot steadier than that.

2. The camera is always "moving" - Okay ... I understand the cameraman has to move along with the subject when they're on the move. But does the cameraman have to constantly move closer then farther while doing this? Does he also have to repeatedly zoom in and out, do low angles and even do 360 degree circuits of the subjects? This is usually accompanied by

3. Shaky cam.

4. Why the incredible amount of tight shots and extreme close ups? I really don't care much for skin pores and nostril hairs. I know there's a place for these kind of shots in a film, like say 5% of the film, but for 50% plus? Come on!

It's not enough the actors are having a conversation, no, we have to see their faces up close ... REAL CLOSE. When one stops talking edit switches to another talking then another and another.

Good GOD! Just pull the camera back so we can see them all and let 'em talk!

5. Shaky cam.

6. Low light/no light/low contrast - Why can't they light a scene with more than just a 40 watt bulb? What is it they don't want us to see? Why is it they don't want us to see period?! TURN ON THE FREAKIN' LIGHTS SO WE CAN SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!

7. Shaky cam.

8. Red/green/blue/yellow/brown filters/tinting/gels - They say it's to set the mood. Yes ... It certainly does. IT PISSES ME OFF!

I have some older silent films (The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Nosferautu, etc.) that have this but they have decent lighting to go with it thus actually getting the desired effect. This however coupled with todays' nonexistant lighting makes the film even harder to watch.

9. Shaky cam.

10. Lens flares - You're not dazzling with brilliance. You're baffling with bullshit!

11. Shaky cam.

12. All that backlighting - Finally! You're actually using some light. Too bad it's only for doing "shadow puppets".

13. Shaky cam.

14. Mist and fog - Is this to set mood? I can understand it in an outdoor scene at night (Graveyards anyone?), but during the daytime ... and indoors? Oh ... I see ... It adds to the backlighting ... NOT!

15. Shaky cam.

16. Epileptic editing in action scenes - What happened? What did I just see? Did I see anything at all? Oh yeah ... I saw extreme close ups of ...

wingtips

explosions

screaming faces

running feet

jet exhaust

car wheels

more screaming faces

a fist or two

muzzle flashes

a tossed grenade

flashing sword

another screaming face

claws

etc.

etc.

etc. ...

Yeah ... I saw a lot ... of what?

A lot of almost literal snapshots of various objects, body parts, effects etc. but no action to speak of. Hardly an image registers in your mind when the picture switches to another shot of ... something. Nothing but one close up quick cut after quick cut after quick cut after quick cut after ...

I swear ... What the hell are you trying to do? Induce seizures?

And I didn't see any real action of any kind.

PULL THE FREAKIN' CAMERA BACK SO WE CAN SEE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!

And of course along with it we have ...

17. Shaky cam.

Oh yes ... If I haven't mentioned it before, there's that especially annoying thing called ...

18. Shaky cam.

The various and sundry non-collages passing themselves off as films, and the poseurs who make them have pretty much kept me out of the theater and in my home where I can resort to my collection of real movies and films.

Movies today ... Nothing more than exercises in eye strain and motion sickness.

To hell with 'em.

Jus' sayin'.

Damn shaky cam ...


Go to Jays Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this 'un means yer already there. And hold the damn camera steady for once!