Pranking Taniguch: A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story for Valentines Day

"Kyon m'man ... When you got it, YOU GOT IT!"

In Japan, it's the guys getting the candy on Valentines day. Taniguchi gets a LOT more than Kyon or anyone else expected!


Pranking Taniguchi: A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story for Valentines Day

by

Tammy Sue

and

C V Ford

xxxxx

Tammy Sue is a co-worker who gave me the idea for this story. The credit is as much hers as mine if not more so.

xxxxx

Valentines' Day.

Sigh.

Yet, no doubt, to be just another day of disappointment. Not that I may have expected any candy in my shoe locker though it would have been nice. No, not with the not so latent jealousy of a one Ms. Haruhi Suzumiya hanging over my and everyone elses' heads. The almost rewrite of the universe some time ago would have me dreading finding some chocolate along with my school shoes.

And there was no way any would be coming from the ultra self centered Haruhi ... maybe.

So it was with some relief I found only my footwear occupying the space.

"All ... right!"

Looking over, I found a very enthused Taniguchi reaching into his locker and pulling out three (!?) boxes.

"Kyon m' man," said he turning to me, "It was as I thought."

Thought? Yeah, when it comes to women, Taniguchi's a legend in his own mind.

Or so I thought 'til now.

"Impressive," trying not to sound too surprised or envious. "Who're they from?"

"Funny ... ," looking over the boxes and examining the cards, "... nothing signed. Only a note on two of 'em saying I should enjoy."

He holding (Waving!) the three boxes, I noticed two were gaily wrapped in various shades of pink metallic and one being a rather plain looking anemic kind of the same color ... the one without a note.

"Some mysteries here," smiled Taniguchi. "Probably too shy to say and maybe they want me to figure them out.

"Well, Kyon ... ," in proud declaration, " ... When you got it ... YOU GOT IT! ... Know what 'uh mean?"

Usually at times like this with my over blown friend, I give myself a mental "Yeah ... Riiiight!" But corroborating evidence in the form of ... THREE boxes?

"I gotta' admit friend ... ," again trying not to sound too green with envy and failing, "you may have actually hit on it ... for once-"

"Kyon 'ol buddy ... I ALWAYS hit on it!"

My then "riiight!" to myself just then a bit subdued as we made our way to homeroom. I always knew even a blind hog gets a truffle or acorn or whatever every now and then but ... Damn!

THREE?

And Taniguchi at that! If ever a blind hog there was, it was he.

Either fallout from a minor cosmic dissonance somewhere in the universe or Haruhi must have had some kind of quirky non-dream last night. And Nagatos' slowly emerging personality wouldn't yet allow for such an advanced form of sense of humor ... could it?

The mystery deepened after arrival in home room. Taniguchis' crowing about his good fortune and his seemingly non-existent animal magnetism had everyone glancing now and then his way.

Three people in particular.

The two girls, Onoki, in the middle of the front row and Sakanaka in the back.

Both staring knives at him! Then there was ... Kunikida?

He had this wry, self satisfied grin on his face. Like he pulled something over on someone. That someone I was sure was the then boastful and oblivious Taniguchi.

Somewhat relieved at the possibility that some disturbance in the force might not be in play, I settled into my routine of homeroom and enduring the not so endearing attentions of Haruhi.

Math, history and science periods, with Haruhi to me and Taniguchi to everyone else audibly punctuating between, otherwise passed uneventfully.

Finishing lunch early, I took to wandering the halls to give me a respite between Goddess Whackjobs' non-musings about any and everything and the seemingly not so would-be Romeos' non-stop verbal "victory dance".

Going by the main entrance after almost an hours' wandering, I noticed Kunikida looking out the front, an anxious expression seeming to indicate indecision of some kind. Like he was debating wether or not to leave early.

"Oh ... Kyon! ... Gotta' minute?"

"Sure. I figured you might have something on your mind."

"How's that?"

"First, the day starts off weird with Taniguchis' incredible luck. Then I notice every ones' reaction to it in homeroom especially regarding Onoki and Sakanaka ... and," pointing to him, "... you.

"Gonna' tell me about it?"

"Mmnn ... yeah ... About that. Uh ... How could you tell?"

"It's pretty obvious Kunikida." I began. "Every ones' attention on Taniguchi especially you and the two girls. They didn't look too happy and ... YOU ... looking like a cat that ate two canaries and about to scarf down a pigeon. At least 'til now."

"Errrrr ..."

"So?"

"So ... what?"

"Go ahead."

"Ummm ... ," Kunikida started up, "y'know Taniguchis' always going on about how great he is with girls ... "

"And his letter grading system, keep going."

"Well ... It kinda' gets to ya' after awhile."

"Its been getting to us (ME!) ever since we started classes here."

"So I thought I'd set him up in a ... creative? ... sort of way."

"From the looks of it," me speculating, "you had some others in on it."

"Nnnmmm ... Yeah ... and no."

"How's that?"

"Multiplier effect."

!?

"Where you get others in on the joke without their realizing they're being manipulated too," he explained. "Usually other people you're not particularly fond of either."

"In this case, Sakanaka and Onoki," I completed. "Setting the wolves on each other so to speak."

"Yeah ... "

It wasn't that the two girls disliked Kunikida outright but "guilt by association" with Taniguchi had him as a "marked man" in their eyes and looked down on him accordingly. This of course not sitting well with him at all.

"So what exactly is the joke and how does this 'mystery chocolate' come into play?"

"Well I ... kind of let it slip to them that Taniguchis' diabetic."

"And of course, as we both know, he isn't.

"So let me guess," I went on. "He being the obnoxious romantic is supposed to get the 'hint' from secret non-admirers to 'go die', is that it?"

"MMMnnnn ... yeah."

"And the girls, seeing instead Taniguchi happy as a dozen clams and actually enjoying the candy are at first puzzled then dismayed over their bad wishes backfiring on them," me concluding, "and of course our friend being even louder and more full of himself than usual thus being more of an irritant than before."

"Exactly!"

"But there was a flaw in your plan ... A flaw that now has you wondering wether or not you should be leaving early."

"I'm in trouble Kyon ... I now have at least four girls ticked off at me and for all I know, Taniguchi looking for me too!"

"Four? I thought it was only Onoki and Sakanaka."

"I told several others about him being diabetic. As far as I know, Naruzaki and Saeki are the only other two who did home made candy. There could be others. They just didn't get theirs to his shoe locker yet. They were gonna' space it out over the day."

"The ole' Chinese water torture thing. Too bad you didn't think this thing all the way through. Did it ever occur to you the girls would get a little on the perturbed side with you?"

"I thought maybe they'd take it in good humor ... Guess not-"

"There he is!"

"You guessed right," me noting five (!) rather irate young ladies (And one not so hostile looking one. In fact she looked more 'concerned' if anything.) advancing on our position. "Looks like your decisions' been made for you."

"See ya' tomorrow Kyon," Kunikida making a hasty turn for the main doors, " ... maybe-"

"Kunikida! ...  LITTLE BUDDY!" A malevolently smiling Taniguchi between the would-be prankster and escape.

In my efforts to shield Kunikida from immediate violence, they were upon us in seconds, both our backs to the lockers.

"C'mon Kyon ol' buddy," harangued Taniguchi. "Don't tell me you're in on this too!"

"Don't shield him!" Sakanaka in protest.

"Why you protecting him!?" Suzuki the newcomer also in vigorous protest.

"He's gotta' pay!" Saeki

"He's GONNA' pay!" Onoki

" ... " The quiet one ... holding what looked to be a gaily wrapped box.

"Hold it guys," I proceeded to explain. "I'm not in on it. Just found out myself. He was about to leave when-"

"And thanks for holding him up for us, Kyon," Taninguchi turned to Kunikida. "YOU ... Think you have some explaining to do but I'll forego that instead for some-"

"Yeah!" Girl gang of five in unison.

"Give 'im one or ten for me Taniguchi!" Saeki.

"Me too!" Onoki

"Me three!" Naruzaki

"Yeah!" Suzuki

"I'll give 'im myself!" Sakanaka. "And it'll be more than ten!"

" ... !" The quiet one.

Stepping in front of my former middle school chum, I went to his "defense" ... sort of.

"Before you start pounding on him-"

"Way overdue!" Unison chorus.

"-I think I have a more satisfying and interesting way of retribution."

"Kyooo-ooon!"

"Take it easy Kunikida. I'm trying to make their divine punishment less painful."

"How can-!"

"Okay ... ," I taking control, " ... You threw something in to 'sweeten the deal', right?"

"How do you mean, Kyon?"

Turning from Kunikida I faced Taniguchi.

"You still have the boxes of candy don't you?"

"Sure."

"Go get 'em."

The novice Lothario quickly fetched them from his shoe locker and set them on the floor where indicated.

Picking up the plain pink wrapped box (And, I noticed happily, still unopened.) I turned back to Kunikida.

"I take it this one's yours?"

"Uh ... yeah ... How'd you guess?"

"You're not exactly the worlds' greatest fashion designer ... or expert on gracious living for that matter."

"Gee!" Taniguchi with sarcastically peppered, eyebrow raised smile/frown. "Not only didn't I know you cared but I had no idea you swung that way."

"I ... don't ... ," the 'pure boy' looking down, red faced to the accompaniment of several now giggling girls.

"No Taniguchi," I explaining and raising the box of candy, "you don't do a thing for him but I'm sure there's something in here that would do something TO you."

"What!?" Taniguchi glared at his 'former' friend. "You trying to poison me?"

"Uh ... no ... I-"

"More like trying to leave a bad taste in your mouth," me interrupting.

Taniguchi glared at Kunikida. "What's in the candy ... soap?"

"Actually," the diminutive one stareing at the floor. "I got a heavy laxative from the pharmacy and baked it in."

"EEEEEWWWWW!" Even the quiet one joined in chorus.

"You ... little ... I oughta'."

"Wait friend," again stepping between. " It's only a joke after all."

"Only a joke! After all the embarrassment-"

"Yeah!" Onoki

"He had us all taken in!" Saeki

" ... " Quiet girl

Shouts and protests from the others.

"I mean," smiling and laughing, "if I had known about this, I'd have helped him out a bit and made it so none of you found out!"

The girls WHAT! chorus echoed off the hall walls, Taniguchis' frown deepened.

"Kyon ol' buddy," my friends' hand heavy on my shoulder. "With friends like you, I certainly DON'T need enemas."

"Speaking of which ... ," turning to Kunikida and shoving the candy box at him, " ... Help yourself."

"Wait ... Kyon! ... ," an aghast Kunikida, " ... You don't mean-"

"Hey!" I would-be moderator gesturing toward a ticked off 'friend' and a pack of irate (And one not so irate.) girls. "It's either that or a gang pummeling I won't be able to stop ... enjoy!"

"Eat! ... Eat! ... Eat! ... EAT! ... "

Enthusiastic chanting, stomping and clapping in progress, Kunikida could only proceed.

"E-erm! ... "

Turning I saw the quiet, spectacled (AND ponytailed!) girl hurriedly bowing to Taniguchi shoving her aforementioned candy box at him.

"P- ... Please ... ," pointing to the envelope taped to the box. "R-read this first!"

She quickly turned, half running.

" ... AND NOTHINGS' WRONG WITH THE CANDY!"

"Wait a sec' ... Yura!" Saeki called after her and pointing to Taniguchi. "You don't mean you're-"

"YES! ... I Am!" A really blushing young lady declared skittering off in the direction of North Highs' interior.

"She sits behind you in class, right?" I asked. "And all this time-"

"Uh ... Yeah ... ," a now subdued Taniguchi holding and thoughtfully examining the RED wrapped container. "She does."

Tucking the box under an arm, the now not so full of himself young man pulled the note out of the envelope and read.

"OOO! ... What's it say!?" Sakanaka

"Tell us!" Onoki

"I wanna' know!" Naruzaki

"I can't believe she'd-" Saeki

"It's just not-" Suzuki

Looking up, Taniguchi carefully slipped the paper back in the envelope. Slowly pocketing it, he scanned his now attentive audience.

"I ... Have to ... talk to her."

Then turning to Kunikida.

"You don't have to go through with that." Indicating the 'loaded' chocolates.
Kunikida already had two. Punishment enough I guess.

Taniguchi gave the assembly another scan then did a sincere, deep bow.

"Excuse me."

The group watched, the young man fast walking in the direction Yura had previously taken, disbelieving looks on all. It looks as if my friend has something to do on White Day. (1)

"Hmmph! ... , " Suzuki, fists on hips, grimace on face. "You just can't account for peoples' taste in men!"

"Well ... ," me hoping to end the peaceful conclusion Taniguchi started. "... you know what they say about blind hogs 'n truffles- "

The five girl chorus sang out:

"Yeah! ... RIIIIIIIGHT!"

xxxxx

"So," seating myself back in homeroom and turning, "enjoy the show?"

"I thought you handled that well ... considering."

Arms crossed, my personal piranha scanning me in her usual wry appraisal.

"I noticed you, Yuki, Tsuruya and Mikuru up on the second floor balcony."

"I was out on my usual lunchtime patrol with Yuki when I noticed the commotion below. Mikuru and Tsuruya-chan just happened along."

Uncrossing her arms, Haruhi rested her face on her left fist.

I followed her glance across the room to where Taniguchi and Yura quietly conversed.

"I can't imagine HIM ... getting together with ANYONE. This just isn't right!"

I was about to remind her that she was Taniguchis' girlfriend in middle school (For all of five minutes!) but thought the better of it. After all, she didn't know I knew that and ... well ... Best let things lie. ESPECIALLY with Haruhi.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, reaching in, withdrawing something from her desk.

"Here!"

I hefted the box knowing full well what was within.

"And don't get the wrong idea! Just didn't want you feeling left out is all. As supreme leader of the SOS Brigade, it's my sworn duty and responsibility to see my minions happy ... Just don't get too happy."

Looks I too have something to do come White Day. From the size, weight and wrapping this didn't look like obligatory/giri. (2)

I was about to thank her (Not too profusely!) when-

"Alright ... Todays Litt class is about to start." Teacher announcing, everyone standing to bow.

"Uh ... ," Kunikida looking rather pleading, holding his abdomen. "Nagumo-sensei ... I ... uh ... have to-"

"Go ahead." Nagumo-sensei being sympathetic.

The teacher then wondering about the chorus of giggles following after
Kunikidas' journey to the facilities.

END

Storyline (only) copyright © 2-2-2017 C V Ford

1. White day is March 14 wherein the guys receiving gifts/candy on Valentines reciprocate in kind.

2. Honmei chocolate is for one you have feelings for. Obligatory or courtesy chocolate is for friends, colleagues, co-workers, etc.

xxxxx

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Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of  their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

Previews of "Coming Attractions"

A Haruhi riff on Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Previews of "Coming Attractions"


As what some of the few followers of this blog know, I write anime fan fiction under the nom-de-plumage of C V Ford. Due to sweating out this last presidential ... precedential election (All hail Trumpus Maximus!), I've written very, VERY little as I was in no mood while waiting for the world to "end" or finding (Happily so!) that we'd get at least a four year respite/reprieve.

Now that Socialism is going to be held at arms length a little while longer, I'm going to get back into the swing of things and start writing again in January.

Here's some "trailers" for yas'. Titles subject to change.

The Major(s') Assignment of Haruhi Suzumiya - A Ghost In the Shell/Haruhi crossover wherein Major Kusunagi travels back in time in order to solve the mystery as to why Section 23 can't go farther back than 2003. Though the prosthetic body she's using appears to be an upper end model from that "club" she frequents it's actually a full race military model. Its capabilities? (She cocks head sideways, index on cheek, cute little smile.) "That's classified."

Unbottled Genie - A fanfic for Gate: Thus the Defense Force Fought. Not all captives taken in the "Ginza Incident" were Japanese or have been accounted for. Some have "disappeared" into the Special Region. A study of the effects of modern technology on a less sophisticated culture.

Once Upon a Time In the Modern West - Another Gate fic. Not your typical "Ginza Incident" riff. What if the "gate" materializes instead in a small town in the U.S. ? As everyone knows, Americans love their guns ... And that goes double for Texans!

Smarter Than You Think - A Neon Genesis Evangelion fic. Though she doesn't know that the interview with Dr. Akagi is about becoming an Eva pilot, Hikari Horaki has questions of her own having to do with just that.

The Pranking of Taniguchi - Another Haruhi story. It's Valentines Day and Kyon is aghast on seeing Taniguchi finding three boxes of candy in his shoe locker. Is the boasting of the self-proclaimed Romeo finally coming true?

There probably will be more. Hopefully to start posting in February.

Thats' it for now in regard to new stories. In the meantime, check out what I've already written! Have fun ...


Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page here.

Go to Fan Fiction Dot net here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction list here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. You're already there ifn' ya' sees articles under this 'un.

WHAT TH-! ... SHE'S REAL!?

WHAT TH-! ... SHE'S REAL!?


Yeah, yeah. It's not really God ... er ... Haruhi Suzumiya. Only a very comely cosplayer.

This photo caught my eye and I thought I'd post. Not gonna' tell ya where I got it on the net. I've been a bad boy.

This is to announce that starting sometime in January, I'm going to put more effort into this blog and TRY to get back up to three articles per week. Even if it means posting "any little thing", I'll do it.

Now that the elections are over and EL DONALDO is to be our commander in chief (Libtards eat your miniscule hearts out!), I can relax a bit and concentrate on the original purpose of this blog: The promotion of anime, older movies and Haruhi-ism.

There will still be some political stuff (Screw you, libtards! ... And some of you so-called conservatives as well!) but I'll be more focused on my "hobby".

So ... 'til then ...

Yes ... Things DO go better with Coke!

Go to my three part The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya review from long ago  here, here and here.

My political Haruhi Suzumiya fanfic story, Mr. John Smith Goes to Washington here and here. MAKE ANIME GREAT AGAIN!

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page! here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fanfiction list at Fan Fiction dot net here.

Fan Fiction dot net main page here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this, Mr. Trump or not, means you're already there. Thumbs up!

The "Princess" and the Pee: An Angel Beats Anime Fan Fiction Story

Yui makes use of the "facilities" one time too many ... A riff off a scene from Episode 6: Family Affair.


The "Princess" and the Pee: An Angel Beats Anime Fan Fiction Story

by

C V Ford

xxxxx

"YO! ... SENSEI! ... I GOTTA' PEEEEE!"

"Sighhhh! ... Oh, man!"

Leaning back in his desk chair, the young blue haired man gazed exasperatingly up at the light ballasts and ceiling fixtures. Class not even fifteen minutes in and it was ... what ... the fifth? ... sixth? ... time she LOUDLY(!) announced to teacher, class ... the whole freakin' world ... her intentions to use the facilities ...

And in such a crass, vulgar manner!

"You again? ... Very well," the teacher also seemingly resigned to it, "... go ahead."

"Man! If only the teachers were this easy when we were alive," thought Hinata.
"Things sure would have been a lot less complicated."

A light whack on the shoulder had the young man shift his vision rightward to that of a diminutive, pink tressed "goth goblin" leering a toothy grin downward as she passed.

"Really hafta' go this time," conspiratorial look in her eyes. "Gonna' use the teachers' unisex single down the hall."

Hideki watched her saunter out.

On Yuris' orders, members of the Battlefront were to attend classes. Partly to avoid another mass contemplation room confinement but also to create disturbances in order to see how far Ayoto Naoi, the Acting Student Council President and his "zombies" could be pushed before retaliation. The infractions would also keep them from getting too "into" their classes and possible "obliteration" ... which was probably what the little dictator wanted.

The methods varied:

Hisako, TK, Fujimaki and Matsushita were busy "infracting" in a hot Mahjong session at the center of first row.

Two rows over, a VERY self conscious Oyama nervously contemplating a try at sneaking something to crunch on from a party size bag of chips.

Takamatsu in hard calisthenics an aisle over.

Noda, the formidable moron, lay across two desks in an attempt at snooze, impairing the ability of two other students in their work thus in violation of Yuris' instructions not to impede others.

An obvious though quiet distraction being "staged" by Shiina in the back corner of the window row, balancing scissors, ruler and a broom on the fingertips of one hand in vigorous focus training.

As for the hyperactive dingbat Yui, her non-method seemed to be continually requesting bathroom breaks, leaving for a short interval then return ... to repeat the "process" over and over ad nauseum.

Hinatas' own "nauseum" was really getting to him.

A sideways glance to his buddy seated in the desk behind, he asked, "Just what does that little ... dipwad ... think she's doing? You'd think she'd try something else ... And why the teachers restroom this time around?"

"Act of defiance maybe?" Otonashi in answer

"And she didn't have to tell me she actually HAD to go this time."

"She likes you."

"Say WHAT!?" The blue hair turned full around toward the carrot top.

"Oh, come on," Otonashi urged. "She's always had a thing for you. She-"

"She brings me nothing but grief! Ever since the ball game she's been a total pain in the a-"

"You just don't know a good thing when you see it," explained Yuzuru, "I mean ... She's pretty cute, y'know?"

"Otonashi ... You are one SICK dude!"

xxxxx

"Hmmm ... I've seen that Naoi guy use the teachers loo before," Yui in thought traveling down the hallway past the student restrooms. "Probly' thinks he's privileged 'r somthin' just 'cause he's the new Council head."

In fact she'd seen the creepy one and an NPC enter it two "trips" ago.

"They gotta' be outta' there by now. If he can ... I can! Class warfare it is!"

Cautiously, Yui softly knocked below the plainly marked "Faculty/Staff Only" sign. No response, she quietly opened the now unlocked door. Peering in revealed the space devoid of anyone.

"Huh? ... What's this?" On entry, puzzlement on espying the object recessed in the wall.

"Oh yeah!" Realization lighting a weak filament 40 watt inside her pink and twin tail strapped cranium.

"Guys ... Standing up ... right!"

Fascinated, the girl fixated on the wall urinal while backing up to the throne.

Reaching under the pleated blue uniform skirt she slid her unmentionables down and proceeded to sit.

"HOLYSONOFAWHATTHE- ... AAAAAAA-!!"

XXXXX

"... so you see Otonashi," explained the blue hair, "there's NO WAY I could ever feel any attraction to that little whack-job, why she's-"

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The more than audible scream could be clearly heard by one and all on the building floor.

"It's Yui!" A more than concerned looking Hinata exclaimed, launching out of the desk chair and toward the door to the hall. "That damn Naoi, if he's-"

"Yup!" Hinata thought watching his friend rush past to the demented ones' rescue. "No attraction at all ... RIGHT!"

Also launching up, Otonashi shouted a hasty "excuse us" to the "teacherbot" as he ran to assist.

Hideki was already halfway down the hall when the red head got out the door.

"Yeah it's obvious," he wryly sarcasted to himself. "No feelings for the little whack-job ... PERIOD!

"Speaking of which ..."

The aforementioned little whack-job fast-walked out a well ajar unisex door and past a now confused and adrenaline hyped Hinata.

"Wh- ... What's wrong? You OK? You're not hurt or anything, are you?" Almost pleading. "If that Naoi did anything to you, I'll- !"

"It's NOTHING!"

"Don't tell me that, what's-"

"NOOOOTHING!"

The royally aggravated one stalked on back to the classroom, fists clenched, shoulders hunched, face in hellish grimace and in no uncertain terms not wanting to discuss an-y-thing.

Passing a puzzled ginger who noted the back third of her skirt was sopping wet, she pivoted into the classroom.  Returning to her seat at the front window desk, arms crossed, she sat herself down ... hard. The act of which with an extremely audible squish.

"Hmmmph! Hnnnngh!"

Turning his gaze back down the hall, Yuzuru saw a fast approaching and laughing(?) Hinata returning from having had a look inside the small restroom.

Holding his sides and trying not to be too loud in his gasping and wheezing (And utterly failing!), Hinata staggered past and in. Otonashi following.

"A-heep! ... Durrrp! ... Gak! ... Oh God!"

"What ha-"

" ... eeeeeh! .... Seat!"

"Huh?"

" ... Seat! ... " Hinata coughing/gagging and weakly collapsing into his desk chair. "Someone left the freakin' seat UP! ... Aww ... BWA! HA! HA! HA! HAA! HAAAAAAAA!"

"SHUT UP YOU!" From the front window corner of the room.

"So Yui," a smiling Hisako looking up from her game tiles, "you fall in or something?"

Matsushita hung onto the game desk, heaving silently in laughter, rattling the tiles.

"Good thing you didn't grab the handle in getting yourself out," Fujimaki in accompaniment. "Then you'd be dizzy as well as wet!"

"Swir-leee!!" TK

Oyama looked on in amused bewilderment.

The reclining Noda, on his part, grinning with one eye open surveying the unfortunate one.

Takamatsu, in the middle of a "cruncher", froze in wonderment.

Shiina, having set her balancing objects aside, turned her back on the scene, concealing her own mirthful response. Being from another era, she recalled her own early encounters with Sir John Haringtons' invention (1) after arriving at this school in the In-Between.

"Aw c'mon, guys," Otonashi returning to his desk, "she's been through enough, she-"

"CAN IT! ... ALLA' YAS!" Again from the front window corner.

"Please keep it down a little." The 'robo-teach' commanded. "We are having class here."

Recalling Yuris' instructions, the extremely amused Battlefronters suppressed their din though subdued giggles and laughter from various parts of the room still evident.

The class session continued and for the next ten minutes, with front members engaging in their diverse infractions, a relative peace prevailed until from the front window corner-

"YO! ... SENSEI! ... I GOTTA' PEEEEE!"

From the back, a lamenting Shiina.

"This is soooo ... "

END

xxxxx

Storyline (only) copyright  © 9-29-16 C V Ford


1. Sir John Harington (1560 - 1612) Inventor of the flush toilet.


Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and list of anime fan fiction stories at Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Fan Fiction dot net here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles below this one means you're already there. Don't grab the handle on your way out!

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of any of the COPYRIGHTED names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of the original works.

The Porntrolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Four of a The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

Artwork: Haruhisky, Re-colorisation: Alfonso Ling.

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Four of a The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

by

C V Ford

xxxxx

Chapter 4: The Fan Gets Hit By the Plan

A further month later, at a metro library branch, Carl accessed the bogus SixSick6 account.

Though things were improving even further in regards to anime and the public, other events were proving it was time to end it all.

A story in the papers and a spot on Fox News a few hours before, had him apprehensive and scrambling to cover any and all possible tracks to him.

It was revealed the FBI, at the behest of the State and Justice departments, had been looking into the possibility of conducting an ongoing investigation into the storys' posting and the resultant diplomatic chaos. Anything disrupting the relations between the U.S. and Japan was deemed possible espionage.

Remarkably enough, Otaku Fiction dot net still resisting in the name of free speech and the First Amendment and holding things up in the courts.

He decided not to blow this off. Recollections of a Yoo Tube poster being wrongfully blamed for the Benghazi debacle by the Hildebeast and jailed for almost a year (1), prompted him to take action.

At a library branch one county and several towns over, Carl parked some blocks away and walked a roundabout route.

He knew there was no way he could be traced. After all, he didn't post the story in his "rogue" Otaku Fiction dot net account from home and always made sure to access it in another town, usually another county. All they could narrow it down to was a very large part of central Ohio.

Getting on Otaku Fiction dot net, he noted the blurb at the top of the news section of the sites' main page:

"Due to demand, Otaku Fiction dot net now accepts stories of a more explicit MA rated content. In order to ensure only mature readers can access said content, an extra password and username is now required for sections containing such content. Please consult instructions in the Rules and Guidelines section to set up/select special password to accompany username."

He noted the aIRtight story to be missing from the old M rated section but still a sole entry on his SixSick6 account thus in the new MA section.

On top of all the other things he hadn't foreseen, this was really offputting. All he wanted was to troll a joke, have some fun and mess with some minds. But inadvertently promoting porn?

"Have I created a monster?"

Sighing to himself, Carl proceeded. It was time to end what little he could and make as clean a break of it as possible.

Going to the Publish section of the account he proceeded to Document Manager.

Accessing the doc he hit the Remove button killing that. Then going to Manage Stories he hit Delete Story.

"And so it ends-," sighed Carl ... being cut off in mid-sigh.

The Private Messaging field had a numeral 1.

"Wait a sec! How could-"

Quickly checking his settings, he noted ALL of them still set on "no", including
"Accept Private Messaging".

Going back, the numeral still there.

Hesitantly he clicked on the field then going to Inbox. The sole entry. A Haruhi in red bunny suit avatar and ... HS.

Clicking on it revealed:

"You don't think you're getting off THAT easy, do you?" HS

"HS?"

For all Carl knew at that moment HS stood for Holy S--t!

He concluded that either the feds were trying to flush him out or possibly a hacker with some skills had managed to break through and leave that message.

As it was, he congratulated himself on the precautions he had taken and was confident it would get no further than this.

Closing out the account, Carl signed out as SixSick6 for the last time.

Goodbye aIRtight ... Foreverrrrr ... !

xxxxx

Getting home later that day found Carl settling in to a net surfing session.

Nothing like an easy, relaxing cruise of social media to take his mind off his concerns ... Yeah ... RIGHT!

He mentally reviewed his precautions. Different "pen name", separate account, accessed ONLY in locations away from home. The PM that reached him had to be some hacker or feddy getting through and on the bogus account only. There was no way-

In accessing his "legit" Otaku Fiction dot net account, he noted he had a numeral 1 in Personal Messaging.

"Probably that Ling jerk," he thought.

Bringing the section up more than brought him up short ... More like hitting a mental brick wall.

"Hi! Just to let ya' know. My friends and I are gonna' pay ya' a little visit. See ya' in a bit!" HS

With the same Haruhi red bunny suit avatar!

"No! ... NO WAY! ... Imp-"

Grabbing the phone, a nervously sweating Carl was about to 911 then hit the brakes and thumbed the receiver in thought.

"This is nuts! What do I tell the police? FCC maybe? That I'm being harassed ... By the feds ... a hacker ... or a ... a cartoon character!? I'd have to tell 'em the whole story, I'd ... It would get out ... I'd be telling the whole world I'm the one who's been inadvertently trolling U.S. and Japanese foreign relations for over a month. There's got to be a-"

Phone ringing in his hand, Carl jumped a foot off his chair.

Keeping his thumb down he decided to screen the call and let the answering machine do the talking.

"Heyyy ... C'mon big boy," in response to the prompt. "I know you're there. Surely you got the guts to pick up your own phone."

In the space of the instant he put the receiver to his ear he realized the voice sounded like that of ------ ---, the English voice actress of-!

"Uh ... Hello?"

"Hiya Carl! Guess who? ... As if you didn't know. We're just outside an' on our way up!"

"Who ... Who is this!?" Carl dreading the impossible about to happen.

"We'll be right up!"

"Wait you-"

click

Leaning over Carl pulled open a desk drawer and lifted out the 4" barrel, stainless steel Smith & Wesson model 65. (2) The .357 revolvers' weight felt reassuring. He had no illusions about taking on the FBI or any other government entity but a nut job (With phenomenal hacking skills at that!) imitating an anime character was another matter entirely.

His reassurance was short lived. The sound of his apartment buildings' main downstairs door opening in accompaniment with several female voices in fluent Japanese came up to him loud and clear.

Carl kept the panic down in spite of the fact of his recognition of the voices.

Though not usually one to watch shows in their original Japanese dubs (Old white guy who speaks English.) the Haruhi series was one of the few he did with both that and mother tongue.

"Can't be the feds ... the Japs wouldn't send seiyus to investigate something like this ... Kyoani? ... No! ...

"GET IT TOGETHER CARL!"

Reaching again into the desk drawer, he drew out the revolvers' double speed loader pouch. Twelve extra shots of .357 topped with 158 grain semi-jacketed hollow point slugs could be a healthy addition to any social situation.

Responding to the knock on the door (And wishing there was more time to fetch the 12 gauge.), Carl softly sidled up to the door. Keeping to the side, he swept a hand over the peep lense. No shots or anyone trying to bust through, he cautiously gazed through the peep lense.

Only to see an eye staring right back.

Royally startled, he jumped back several feet.

After composing himself and dredging up some courage in a surprisingly half moment, Carl again chanced a second look through the lens.

It was as he disbelievingly feared. The five real life figures of the main female cast members of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya stood waiting in the hall with objects in hand. North High uniforms and all!

Slowly backing away from the door and to the side, the man put himself in a "fighting" stance with the revolver in a two handed 'Ayoob' grip (3) half way up to sighting level.

"Hey Carl! It's us!" The familiar voice of ------ --- coming through. "C'mon little piggy, open up. I know you don't want us to do the ol' huff 'n puff routine, right?"

"Huff 'n puff, huh?" Muttering to himself. Nothing like anger to drum up courage, Carl tightened his grip on the revolver. "I'll show ya' huff 'n puff!"

Then making with his warning.

"Take off, you ... Or I'm callin' the police!"

"Oh," sing songy response, "I don't think sooooo ... I mean, you're one of our biggest fans!"

"Was," Carl thought as they called his bluff.

A slight weight shift of the revolver in Carls' hands had him do a quick glance at the gun. In shocked disbelief, he clicked the latch, swinging out the cylinder.

"Im-impossible!"

"You lookin' for these?" From behind, accompanied by the sound of rattling cartridges in hand.

In further shock, Carl spun about, his eyes being greeted with the sight of the five cast characters in various states of recline and rest on and about his living room furniture. Title character and three holding kendo bamboo practice swords and Mikuru ... a rope.

"NO WAY! You-"

"Waaaaayyyy ... Unlike my TV persona I know what I'm fully capable of." The ominous 'blue bird' set the lethal rounds clattering on the living room table next to the speed loader pouch.

The man made a grab for the door.

"There's no escape, we'll just be back on the other side of the door." Ryoko chiming in.

His hand hit empty wall in the try for a knob to a door that now wasn't there in his futile effort in making a swift exit.

"Or that," the blue haired one smiled.

"Besides," the tall green tressed giggler putting in, "we got business to uh ... discuss."

The ginger with the rope looked on wide eyed.

"Yes ... business," the deadpan gray haired stoic adding.

"A- ... And that would be?" Carl questioned, tightening his grip on the handgun. It would still make do for a small club.

"Y'know ... " Goddess Whack Job rose from the easy chair and began, now in full control, "I've seen a LOT of doujinshi, art and crackfic having to do with me and my friends over the past few years ... Some good ... some not so good ... and yeah ...some really great. Then ..."

Haruhi held the practice sword down and across her thighs, leaning forward with upraised right eyebrow.

"Then there are some that ... well ... Really push the limits to what even we have trouble taking in."

"Like some of the ones by that one guy," Tsuraya put in. "Uh ... What's his name?"

"Alfonso Ling." Yuki

"Yeah," acknowledged Haruhi, "THAT guy!

"But that one story you did ... ," the brigade leader continued. "It really crossed the line. Shoot! ... It flew right over it at mach ten!

"I mean ... REALLY ... Poor Mikuru-chan's beside herself being depicted like that! That bit about her doing all that-"

"Actually Miss Suzumiya, I liked the part where I-"

"QUIET YOU!"

"Eeep!"

"It's all she could do to keep from crying the past several weeks!"

Carl stole a quick glance at the petite, well endowed one in the barcalounger returning a confused shrug and embarrassed smile his way. He could see "Poor Mikuru-chan" was all cried out ... NOT!

"You know, it's bad enough when a show gets cancelled. With most live actors, they're out of work until a new gig comes along sooner or later and things are OK again. But with us anime characters ... One usually ends up in the toilet of HENTAI HELL!"

"Say WHAT!?"

"You heard me Carl ... Most anime/manga is one or two seasons and then we're out on our posteriors wondering what to do with ourselves. If your show is well remembered and your character design is 'interesting' in some way ... and you have no place to go ... You end up having to make a living doing something ... else."

!?

"Yeah! Look what happened to the Sailor Moon girls!" Ryoko exclaimed in interruption.

"I was getting to that," the brigade leader continued. "It's been ... what? ... Yeah! ... over twenty years ... TWENTY FREAKIN' YEARS ... since their show left the air. It long went past the point where their show was forgotten and it ended up with everyone thinking that porn was all they ever did. Thanks to a real gig like Crystal they're taking some time off from porn for awhile."

"Wait a sec," Carl in disbelief. "You mean to say you have to resort to porn just to keep going?"

"Not all of us. Some of us are so generic looking the expedient of changing hair colors and styles or just our personas and other parts come along. Others end hooking up or marrying their agents, artists or character designers.

"Some," Haruhi did a sideways glance over at Mikuru, "even wind up marrying a rich otaku."

"Hold on a moment," Carls' mind still trying to take in and adjust to this 'Roger Rabbit' moment. (4) "There's plenty of art and manga porn of you and your show out there-"

"And fanfic." Yukis' eyes narrowing oh so slightly.

"- and you weren't uh- ... involved ... in any of it?"

"Like I said ... Some of us 'toons, as you call us, only need to restyle their hair and personalities and they can be anyone. A LOT of characters looking for work y'know." Explained Suzumiya. "Though admittedly, I have done ... SOME modeling for that Haruhisky guy but it was only some ecchi/cheese cakey stuff mind you." (5)

A glance about, noting the eye rolling on the other four faces told Carl she may have been involved in other (A LOT of!) "independent" projects.

"It's a good thing Yuki, Ryoko and I can bend reality somewhat or we all would have been under the pen 'n ink of all those doujin sickos-"

"And fanfic writers." Yuki

"-So none," the brigade dictator  declared, "and I mean ... NONE ... of us ever had to do anything X-rated."

A stifled cough/giggle from a smirking Tsuraya had the man doing another quick scan revealing a blushing Mikuru, a half grinning Ryoko gazing at the ceiling, and a knowing look on Yukis' face (It's ALWAYS the quiet ones!).

"Just because they didn't have to doesn't mean they didn't," thought Carl. "THIS Haruhi may know her capabilities but she's still just as clueless and oblivious about other things."

The man nervously eyed the kendo sticks then back at Haruhi, interrupting her spiel.

"So you uh ... gonna' ... kill me?" Trying to keep up a front of bravado.

The SOS fuhrer returned an evil smile chilling Carls' blood.

"Kill you? Oh nooooo! Why we- ... Eh ... Put the Rambo blade away Ryoko."

"Awwww!" The deadly ingenue frowned pocketing the knife.

Carls' eyes widened.

"No ... Not kill you. You did, after all, give anime a worldwide boost in general and our show in particular what with it getting continued and all. We actually owe you one."

Carl let out half a relieved breath.

"Which is why we're only going to chastise you for your story." Blood chilling grin more intense.

The man abruptly retrieved the breath.

"Chastise ... as in?" The man again noted the rope coil in the nervous gingers' hands.

"Herbs and spices." Yuki

Carl aghast. He knew Miss Deadpan wasn't talking KFC. (6)

"And it works the same way with pain AS well as pleasure!" A gleeful Tsuraya exclaimed resting a chin on her bestest buds' shoulder. "Right Mikuru?"

"Uh ... eh ... Heh!" More evident embarrassment from the carrot top.

"You'll also note how long the handles are on these kendo sticks," added Haruhi, her teeth showing.

"Y'know Haruhi," Ryoko suggesting getting the be-ribboned ones' attention. "We might later wanna' try the treated rope out on the guy who thought it up."

"Hey! Not a bad idea Ryoko! He pretty much deserves it."

The malevolent 'toon goddess turned back to Carl, her grin wider. "Only unlike you ... He'll be screaming for more ... Like a little girl! (7)

"And with that!"

Shouldering the kendo stick, the demi-dietys' swiftly extended arm ending with index, shot out toward Carl.

"PENALTY!"

END

Storyline (only) copyright © 9-15-2016 C V Ford

xxxxx

1. The poor guy has been ruined and as of this writing is living in a homeless shelter.

2. Calling all "grammar nazis": Before any of you fly off the handle about me using an ampersand in Smith & Wesson, keep in mind that's how you "spell" Smith & Wesson.

Don't believe me? Look up the logo on Google Images.

3. A modification of the standard two handed grip but with the supporting hands' index finger snugged under the trigger guard. Resulting in a steadier/stable grip. Pioneered by author/writer Massad Ayoob. It works!

4. Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Buena Vista Pictures Distribution Corp., 1988) - A combination live action/animated fantasy wherein a 1940s era private detective (Bob Hoskins) investigates a murder at the behest of the title character in order to prove his innocence. A hilarious movie featuring many American cartoon characters from different studios.

5. Haruhisky is an actual hentai artist. The psuedonym pretty much says what his (Her? It?) main subject is.

6. IT'S FINGER LICKIN' GOOOOOD!

7. Yeah ... That Alfonso Ling guy again. As for the treated "rope trick", check out his story, Figure Eight on Fan Fiction.net.

Geez! I can't believe I'm boosting porn!

xxxxx

The original Haruhisky artwork.

The Porntrolling of Haruhi Suzumiya chapters: 1, 2, and 3.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page! here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list on Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Alfonso Lings' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list on Fan Fiction dot net here. Warning: HE DOES PORN!

And his Haruhi obsession has me wondering about him. Glad I'm not like that. :)

Go to Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of  their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

Antibody: A The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

Antibody: A The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

by

C V Ford

xxxxx

With a contemptuous snort, Haruhi stalked out of the club room demanding me to follow. Itsukes' look of concern prompted me to comply.

I swear, that kid can be so headstrong. She-

xxxxx

In the aeons of its' so far existence, the non-entity drifted dormant in the currents and eddys of the trans-dimensional sea. Chances it would ever be activated and come into use, if it were possible, less than zero. It would stay that way throughout eternity, it-

On a chance flow near a corporeal plane ...

Threats detected ...

Activation ...

Targets acquired ...

An opening "phased" into the reality, mechanism fixing upon the threat.

In less than an instant, self generating tendrils completely enveloping, the target was drawn through the temporary portal and into the gelatinous mass of the non-entity. Enzymatic action initiated, quarrys' structures and proteins instantly breaking down, reduced to simple compounds and elements.

Absorbed and consumed ... threat removed.

From its' position in trans-dimensional quasi-space, the non-entity moved on to the other threat/target very close by.

xxxxx


"Haruhi?'

The hall ... empty.

She couldn't have dashed down the hall so quickly. I was but a half second behind her!

"Miss Suzumiya, we-"

Itsuke with Mikuru, bumped into me from behind.

"I don't get it ... She was here a moment ago and-"

"That smell-" Itsuke

"Like an electrical burn." Mikuru

The sound of a stifled gasp and a book hitting the floor had us turning back in to the clubroom.

"Yuki?"

We rushed up to her usual cornered chair, the aforementioned book on the floor at its' feet.

"Yuki?"

Also ... gone? Like Haruhi, there but a moment ago. She couldn't have gotten past us. She-

And that odor. That same burnt ozone smell accompanying Haruhis' sudden vanishment.

Though we knew it would do no good, we searched the whole old wing of the school on the off chance Yuki and Haruhi would be somewhere there ...

Here ...

We couldn't call the police. What could we tell them? Our friends vanished into thin air ... Even though we didn't see it happen. No, the disappearances would be noted and we would be prime suspects with the police eventually thinking we killed them or were insane.

Suspected murderers or insane, we would be locked up for sure either way.

With no one else in proximity to the incident, we decided on keeping quiet.

No doubt, this had to be something Haruhi triggered and we decided, with no real course of action to take, to wait it out.

We had no idea at the time, that the wait ..

Would be forever.

END
 
Storyline (only) copyright © 6-2-2016 C V Ford

 xxxxx

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page! here.

Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list on Fan Fiction dot net here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. Any articles under this means you're already there.


Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Three of a Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya: Chapter Three of a Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

by

C V Ford

xxxxx

Chapter 3: The Plan Hits the Fan

On the way home, in a county over, Carl stopped at a Pantera Bread eatery with net access and logged in to his "bogus" account on Otaku Fiction dot net.

Or tried to.

WEBSITE NOT AVAILABLE

Seeing a couple other addys responsive ...

"Could it be?"

Entering Otakufiction dot net and "website not available" on Goggle revealed some blog entries and articles on other sites mentioning the same. As Quad Chan had a couple threads on it, he clicked on those links.

As he suspected, Otakufictions' servers were overloaded with access requests for taking a look at his story. As effective as a DOS attack. It would be a few days before Carl, or anyone else, could again access the site.

On a separate thread, as a "public service", a "thoughtful" soul who had previously saved the story to his hard drive, posted the story for one and all to read. The responses consisted of repeats of what Carl had read some days before.

A LOT of them aimed at the poster instead of Carl. Others about the media stir.

xxxxx

Remote clicked, Carl settled in for some evening news.

"Cartoon porn story causing a rukus in the far east ... Caution: You are now entering 'the no spin zone'."

"Yeah Willy," thought Carl. "Where theirs stops and yours begins."

"Breaking tonight, tensions heat up in the far east over a most distasteful piece of amateur writing. Good evening and welcome to the Pelly File everyone. I'm Mavis Pelly. The many years long debate over free speech and political correctness never ceases and ..."

"Taking a break from trashing El Donaldo I see," the amateur writer surmised.

"Later on the program ... Donald Trumps' landslide win in last weeks' primary in --- ---- fell short a quarter of a percentage point in pundits predictions. An obvious indicator of his soon to be coming inevitable fall? I'll be talking with several personally handpicked and unbiased commentators ... "

"Oops!" Carl grinned. "Spoke out of turn!"

"Welcome to Hanitee and tonight ... Should there be a limit on free speech? Should restraint be imposed if something even approaches the limits of what we term good taste and manners ..."

"Yup," Carl observed. "Even the Hannitoad weighing in."

It wasn't that Carl actually liked Faux  ... Fox ... News Channel. He only found it more palatable than the propaganda peddled by CNN (Commie News Net) or PMSNBC et al. He figured if anyone was to give him a more "fair and balanced" crucifixion in trying him in absentia/anonymity, it would be them.

He was not disappointed.

All three programs of the nightly Fox line-up panned anime in general, his story in particular, and decrying indecency, racism, and the sad state of the present situation between the U.S. and Japan.

All three had Vaughn Williams doing his circular, repetitive non-schtick regarding racism and anything else coming to mind.

Don Stossel, the only libertarian and thus one of the only two half coherent voices, warning against censorship and the right of expression was repeatedly put on the defensive.

A guesting Anne Coltrane, while not in favor of Carls' story, at least came to the defense of Don more than once.

Above the fray, Charles Katzenjammer repeatedly declined comment, stating he'd rather talk about something ... ANYTHING ... but that.

The "montages" ... Images and vids of anime clips (Hey! It's Haruhi! ... What th- ... Pokemon?), Japanese members of the Diet speechifying, Sec. of State John Wearys' comments about the situation with Japan, extra-censored doujinshi pages and hentai, civil/feminist rights screeds, bad cosplay, military, etc., peppered the programs.

Carl didn't know wether to laugh, cry ... or throw up.

With commercials punctuating, he flipped between Fox and the other non-news channels catching prominent celebs, politicians, and other would be saviors of the collective soul putting in their one cent worth.

Anderson Hooper and Wolf Blitzky presiding over the ceremonies at CNN and with Carls' story and the rukus it caused as a pretext, the emphasis was more on the lefts' pet social issues than anime/manga.

Faux conservative/CNN suck-up, Hugh Hewlit adding to the din with his neo-cuckservative view of how the world should and must be. Celebs like George cLooney (Always upset about Elia Kazan and the Cold War ending "badly".) and Jane Fondue, ranting endlessly about the story being a prime example of the "war on womyn" and the callous insensitivity of those who never agreed with them on any and everything.

Gloria Stoneman even showed up. Crawling out of semi-retirement, condemning everything male dominated (ie. EVERYTHING!) then waxing sentimental on her salad days as empress of the feminist movement and her infiltration of the Playmate empire back in the '70s.

On the campaign trail, Pellys' program used the issue for a swipe at her "favorite" presidential candidate by airing a segment of a speech he gave earlier that day.

"Look ... I'm not really saying Japanese cartoons are either bad or good I mean I have a lot of friends in Japan made a lot of money there I get along with everybody 'n yet in the artistic aspect ... y'know ... they're just killin' us in the artwork thing I mean you look at the typical American cartoon versus the typical Japanese cartoon ... yeah! Yeah! ... I know I know ... AHHH NEEE MAY! ... It's all cartoons t' me ... but hey they're just killin' us in their cartoons art and free trade just like their trade agreements with them are done by political hacks so our cartoon artwork is done by artistic hacks even their comic books ... Yeah! ... Yeah! ... I know ...  you in the back with the Bernie sign ... it's MAAAANGAAA! ... manga's a fruit 'n so are you ... yeah get 'im outta' here ... GET 'IM OUTTA' HERE! ... go easy on 'em ... don't wanna' harm the disrupters ... the poor dears 're known to break easy ... go home to mommy ... go home to mommy ... GEEZ!"

"Kinda' harsh Don," declared Carl. "Still voting for you though."

"Ending tonights' segment of the O'Rly Factor, we're combining the Faction word of the day WITH ... the Faction tip of the day:

"IF ... when seeking employment ... ESPECIALLY in the child care industry ... don't ... And I mean DON'T ... be a ... lolicon.

"Yes ... That's an actual word ... Goggle it!"

"Well Willy," said Carl to himself reaching for the remote. "That's at least one thing we agree on."

"And remember ... here on the Faction ... We're looking out ... for YOU!"

Carl took that one a little more personally than usual.

He also noted ALL of the shows mentioning Otakufiction dot net still not issuing comment one way or the other. This was interesting especially in light of the fact they were resisting cooperation with the authorities on Constitutional grounds.

Taking Apples' example, they were standing on the First and Fifth Amendments ... And so far succeeding.

All the same, Carl was thankful for the foresight of his precautions. He remembered the bullkrap about the bogus blame put on a video in regard to the Benghazi follies.

The rest of the week had things dying down a bit. Up 'til Wednesday there was still a segment of each of the news programs devoted to "the controversy" then came to only a quick mention on it for several days after. Time and Life magazines had an article or two later that month, again summarizing the controversy and several pages of the history of anime and cartoons in general.

xxxxx

Over a month later, though things were dying down in regard to the controversy itself (Carl looking over his shoulder all the same.), other things were happening.

Some even good.

In spite of the negative coverage, positive interest in anime/manga was on the rise.  More people were speaking out in attempts at correcting the medias' biased reportage. Disc Sales were going up. Internet streaming sites getting more subscribers along with a higher renewal rate.

Due to the increase in interest, Funzymation ("You better be watching!") announced a reissue of the various Haruhi franchise series in new packaging and more extras. They were also doing the same treatment with other series that were put into Limbo when Banzai Visual stopped selling discs in the States. The latter company now regretting having sold the U.S. marketing rights to the former.

Even Nichijou was finally being put on the U.S. market! As it was mostly sight gags and the original Japanese dub being more than intense, it was decided NOT to do an English dub.

In a surprising development, Kyoto Animation announced tentative plans for a Haruhi third season!

Other companies, such as Sampai (Aka: NOT ADVision.), also benefited with sales going through the roof.

The Dalt Wisley Company supplemented their Miyazaki line-up by buying up the U.S. rights to Studio Giblet releases they didn't already have and with extras such as the music vids (On Your Mark, etc.) that were rarely seen.

AC/DC Comics and Marble started cutting in on the craze in attempts at buying the rights to varying franchises only to find the smaller "graphic novel" companies had beaten them to it many years before. They settled on mimicking the "manga art style" in some of their already established properties.

Cable companies that didn't have Ahnime Network were being bombarded by requests. 'Toon Network expanded their Toonznami and Adult Swimmer line-ups.

The world of fashion started making statements. Not only were designers making plans for cosplay type outfits and ensembles but the general look was was being seen on the street. The "ko-gal" look made itself evident as young Catholic ladies and other former privately educated students, on finding their parochial school uniforms still fit, took to wearing them again. Thrift shops and second hand stores were being combed for pleated skirts by the secular set, the shorter the better. Bright tartan patterns most sought after.

This, the ex-Catholic Carl found somewhat disturbing.

Not so disturbing was the Misty/Pokemon gestalt. He found it most interesting that so many late teen and twenty-somethings were effecting that look ... Nothing like a nicely filled out pair of Daisy Dukes! (1)

All in all, Carl noted, something positive was starting to emerge. Though things had gotten out of hand beyond his expectations, some of it was a good thing.

"I guess one man CAN ... make a difference," among his thoughts.

The thoughts ...

About to get "dark".

To be continued ...

Storyline (only) copyright © 3-4-2016 C V Ford

xxxxx

1. Daisy Dukes - Refers to the cut-off jeans worn by the Misty/Kasumi character from the first few seasons of the anime, Pokemon (Pocket Monsters).

The term first came into general use in the '1970s due to the Daisy Duke character in the TV comedy/action show, The Dukes of Hazzard. Played by Catharine Bach, part of her trademark attire were the sheer cut-off jeans she wore.

xxxxx

The Porn Trolling of Haruhi Suzumiya chapters 1, 2, and 4 Final Chapter.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page! here.

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Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the copyrighted names/characters, places, and events mentioned in this work. They are the sole properties of  their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.

The Irreverence of Harhi Suzumiya: A Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction Story

What th' ... HOLY CRUD! ... She really IS ...

The Irreverence of Haruhi Suzumiya

by

C V Ford

xxxxx

Well ... It was a good run if do say so myself. My life, such as it was, fulfilling and wonderful. Marriage, children, successful in the publishing business, the kids and grandkids handling the company after I retired ... Yes ...

Yes ... There were some ups and downs ... including a few bitter moments but all in all ...

Somehow, now that I'm here ... those hard times don't seem so bitter, I ...

I can hardly remember them ... What gives? How is it they don't seem important so much? It's as if they never mattered at all and ... (Revelation 21:14)

Yet ...

Then there was that crazy interlude of high school and college ... with that even crazier girl ...

I do recall clearly everything about that crazy girl from way back when. After college she literally disappeared ... Dropped off the face of the earth. Never saw her again.

I miss her. Always have.

I still ... LONG ... for her ...

Why is it I can't recollect any of the bad times in life I've gone through but the regret of her leaving my life still haunts me? I thought I'd gotten over her long ago.

Haruhi ...

For the rest of my life I would recall the times she, the others and I had ...

The others ...

One went back to her time in the future, later becoming an "aunt" to the kids.

Another was released on her own and took on a profession in the tech field (Quite fitting considering her origin!) and she eventually worked at my company.

The strange one ... He became a writer. We even published some of his work.

And now ...

This ... place ... it's ...

It doesn't seem to be like the gloomy Yomi or the serene plain of the gods promised by my Shinto heritage.  It's certainly not the oblivious Nirvana that was to be the ultimate goal of my Buddhist upbringing. It's ...

Have I been reincarnated? And in another world at that? ... Tokoyo maybe? (1) ... It's so much like my pre-existence yet so different ... and better ... nicer. (Revelation 21:1)

It's like when I was alive. But I feel even more alive! I'm back in my youth ... 16 again! I think.

And where I am ...

The sky ... so BEYOND blue. The trees and foliage, even the grass, in a variety of colors so vivid and vibrant and ... even colors I've never seen before! Am I also seeing infra-red and ultra-violet as well? Amazing!

The community about me. The houses and buildings, an "orderly jumble" of seemingly limitless variety of architectural types from different places, cultures and ... times. Some even futuristic ... and others so fantastic as if from other worlds in the universe! (John 14:2 and 3)

The people around me ... not just happy but ... Joyful. The only word to describe them.

Going about their lives, business and play with an exuberance and enthusiasm I can't help but feel from within also. Some singing aloud, a few even ... dancing? ... here and there.

I want to dance and sing too! ... with them ... I-

"Ah! There you are!"

Geez! Where did he come from!? He's just ... there.

"Pete's the name," hand extended, "Pete Simon."

Big guy. Looks of mid-east descent. Swarthy, dark curly hair. Broad in shoulder. Looks like he worked hard all his life. Dressed like he's in a maritime profession of some kind.

"Uh ...," taking his hand, wotta' grip! "My name's ... Kyon. Yeah ... Kyon."

For some reason I can't recall my real name!

"Know all about ya' Kyon. Been expecting you."

"Expecting?"

"Oh yeah ... for quite some time."

He seems to be the one to ask.

"If you don't mind my asking ... Just where ... what ... IS ... here?"

"Heaven."

Quick answer. No hesitation.

"Uh ... Heaven ... as in?"

"Just that. Heaven."

Hmmm ...

"May not look like much at this point-"

He's GOT to be kidding!

"-but it gets even more fantastic as you go deeper in."

"Um ... supposing this is this ... Heaven. How is it I'm here? I mean ... Isn't your Heaven a western concept? ... I mean-"

"Heaven is for everyone Kyon. Both for those who've made the right choice and commitment-"

"That's another thing. I mean ... isn't there supposed to be some ... uh ... procedure of yours to get in and-" (2)

"-or as in your case, that is one who was not exposed to the "procedure", as you call it,  enough to fully understand, but who has at least heeded the law of God that has been put into the hearts of all, to the best of ones' ability."  (Romans 1:20)

"Say what?"

"You've always tried to be fair in your dealings with others, right?"

"Uh ... Yes."

"Not only refrained from harming others but also stood up for those in need of help or protection?"

"Yes again."

"Why?"

"Why not? I mean ... If I was in a bad position or exposed to harm, I'd sure could use help from someone else." (Matthew 25:31-40)

"Aaaannd? ..."

"Well ... There has to be some higher ideal or power to answer to later maybe and that entity should be respected."

"Exactly! It's the whole of the law." (Matthew 22:34-40)

"I don't get it."

"You will. All you really need to know right now is-"

Why's he pointing to that large book on that podium over there?

"-if your name isn't in there-"

The book?

"-then you wouldn't be ... ," his arms outstretched ... , "here." (Revelation 20:12-15)

"I still don't-"

"It'll come to you in time."

"O ... kay ..."

"Suffice to say, others will be surprised at your being here as you will be at theirs."

"So they actually let you in!"

What? Where's that third voice coming from? ... Oh! Down there!

"I was about to ask the same of you."

"Of course they let me in! Why not? They HAD to. I'm a cat after all."

You certainly are at that.

Wait a minute!

"Excuse me ... Pete."

"Yeah ?"

"A thought just occurred to me."

"And."

"You're here to greet me, is that it?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm ... Pete ... Simon ... You're not the uh ... Saint Peter of the jokes and one panel cartoons are you? The Saint Peter at Heavens' gate and all that?"

"The same," smiling. "You got me!"

"And you're here to usher me in so to speak?"

"That and prep you for judgement."

"Judgement!? Wait a minute! I thought-"

"Take it easy." Calm voice. "Like I said, if your name wasn't in that book then you wouldn't be here. More like an evaluation."

"Evaluation?"

"To determine your place and tasks here in Heaven. As you can see, everyone has a job serving in one capacity or another." (Romans 2:5-11)

"I noticed on coming here that it's certainly not an idyllic harp strumming kind of deal."

"Yeah. None a' that blissful cloud drifting kind of thing."

"Everyone seems so ... HAPPY ... at it."

"Whatever your assignments or position, will be according to what you've done in the past, what you're well suited for ... and your desire." (Matthew 25:14-29)

"Well, in that case, when do we start? The evaluation that is."

"Soon enough."

The cat again.

"So what is it YOU do here?"

"Hey, I'm a cat. What do YOU think?"

"Uh ... Right."

Just as I remember him. Smarmy little critter. Even when he couldn't talk. Hmm ... Male calico. Just why DID Itsuke refer to him as a Japanese Bobtail?

"Oh! ... Kyon?"

"Why Mikuru, h- URK-!"

What a hug!

Of course ... it stands to reason Miss Asahina would be here. I always thought of her as more an angel than a time traveler ... And as I remember her from high school! ... So ... cute!

"I'm so happy! ... Glad! ... You're here! ... I was wondering if you-"

"Please! Miss Asahina! ... Can't breath!"

Yeah ... Like I'm really complaining! ... So ... CUTE! ... Oh! ... I said that already!

"I'm sorry ... I just can't get over that you made it finally!"

Finally? What do y-

"Hello Kyon ... "

"Yuki? ... Is that YOU!?"

"Yes Kyon," like Mikuru, glowingly smiling, "it's me."

"But you're so ... different, you-"

Her personality, like everyone else here ... radiant!

"In what way?" Laughing.

Holding both my hands! Her eyes ... As deadpan and expressionless as her face had been so long ago, she more than made up for it with those expressive eyes of hers. Now more depth-less and encompassing than ever. And her flawless face caught up with them ...

"Well ... I didn't really believe in a Heaven so to speak ... much less with YOU in it, I-"

"Oh Kyon ... ," playfully shaking her head.  "I may have been born ... created ... differently from most everyone else but that doesn't make me other than human.
I'm still a living soul. Here, even more so than before."

"Hold on a second! As I recall ... before I went face down in my omelette rice ... Both of you hadn't checked out before I did. How is it you two got here before me?"

"Time isn't reckoned here the way it was as we were previously."

I guess a time traveler such as Asahina would grasp that better than I.

"We're not limited to the linear constrictions of previous existence."

Now THAT's the Nagato I remember.

"So Kyon, long time, no see as they say."

Itsuke! ... Now I'm beginning to wonder if I might actually be in the OTHER place.

"Oh come on Kyon! It's not like we were the best of enemies."

And that canary eating grin of his.

"Does it show?"

"Yes!" Also laughing.

"Sorry. I always had my suspicions about you but then these other two here had their agendas as well."

"Still the same old Kyon," still grinning. "But we have all eternity to iron that out."

"Yes. That hard headed brother of mine."

Little sister! My later tough as nails secretary who was instrumental in making the business succeed.

"And you need not be that way anymore big brother."

"Say again?"

"Things are VERY different now.

"Heaven holds your new future." Shamisen

"Cynicism and suspicion need not be burdens any longer." Yuki

"It's time to take stock. You've new challenges now." Itsuke

"A new direction is in the offing." Little sister

"All of forever is open for you now." Mikuru

All are looking toward that podium, what ... WHO ... is behind it?

"And so ... ,"

Pete's hand on my shoulder. About to say something.

"... Well done good and faithful servant ..."

!?

" ... Enter thou into the joy of thy-" (Matthew 25:23)

"Well it's about time you got here!" At the podium, fists on hips.

No! It can't be! It-

"The problem with medical science is I let it get too good. Your arrival's been delayed long enough!"

That armband she's wearing ... has a different title on it ... Yes ... THAT title! (3)

She really was ... IS! ...G-

"You got it! And with that ... "

Pointing with that flourish and gesture I know ALL too well!

"You're late! ... PENALTY!"

Wha- ... where? ...

"And I'm sure you know what THAT means!"

"Ulk! ..."

She ... She's behind me! Arms tight about my waist, chin on my shoulder, big grin on her face.

"Don't worry ... ," giggling, "I'll treat you nice!"

Now I'm beginning to wonder if I'd be happier seeing Ai Enma! (4)

"Oh Kyo-ooooon!" Sing songy and still giggling. "You're thinking too loud!"

THE LIVING END

Storyline (only) copyright © 1-14-16 C V Ford

xxxxx

1. The blissful realm in the Shinto concept of the afterlife. The other two (Already mentioned.) are Yomi (The underworld.) and Takamana ga hara (Realm of the gods.)

2. The "procedure" mentioned in this story is what's known to believers as "the Roman road".

Most of the verses are from the Book of Romans as follows:

1.) Romans 3:10-12 - 10) As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11) There is none that understands, there is none that seeks after God. 12) They are all gone out of the way, they are altogether become unprofitable; there is none that does good., no, not one.

2.) Psalms 14:3 - They are all gone aside, they are altogether become filthy: there is none that does good, no, not one.

3.) Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God;

 No one is blameless. If you have trouble wrapping your mind around this, think of it as you would an illness or physical condition. It is a state which we are all born under.

4.) Romans 5:12 - Wherefore , as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

The how and why we are that way. Adam is the reason we're under the weight of sin and trapped in this deadly cycle of entropy, decay and death.

5.) Romans 5:8 - But God commends his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

6.) Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Jesus is the way out. The other side of the equation. With our acknowledgement of our sin bound state we can go on to have the Lord correct that.

7.) Romans 10:13 - For whoseover shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

8.)Romans 10:9-10 - 9) That if you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. 10) For with the heart man believes to righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made to salvation.

This is the how in regard to Jesus. Do these and the cycle has no spiritual claim on you.

9.) Revelation 3:20 - Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

Jesus is waiting for you to answer. He has been there all along knocking. It could be you just didn't (Or didn't want to.) hear it.

10.) John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Of course, it goes without saying, "Go and sin no more". I really stink at this. However, one should always keep going back and asking the Lord for guidance and strength to resist (It's called prayer.). This is what's known as repentance, an active turning away from giving in to ones' baser instincts and it's an ongoing thing.

For guidance I strongly suggest one get in touch with a strong bible believing pastor/church in your area.

For an even more in depth/context explanation on salvation and repentance, I suggest you check out chapters 12, 13 and 14 of my Angel Beats fan fiction story, In Gods' Good Time.

3. Supreme Being - Hey, Haruhi being Haruhi ...

4. Ai Enma is the name of the title character in the Hell Girl anime (Studio Deen, 2005.).

xxxxx


Go to C V Fords' profile page and anime fan fiction stories list at fanfiction dot net here.

Go to C V Fords' Anime Fan Fiction Page here.

Fan Fiction dot net here.

Go to chapters 12, 13, and 14 of my Angel Beats fan fiction story, In Gods' Good Time.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.


Disclaimer: The preceding is a NON-PROFIT work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. I make no claim to ownership of the names/characters, places and events mentioned in this work that are the intellectual properties of others. They are the sole properties of their respective owners. Please, by all means support the owners of such properties in the purchase and enjoyment of their works.