Anime: If I Had A Bajillion Bucks

Rei, Asuka She Wolf of the SS and Shinji share a peaceful moment.

Anime: If I Had A Bajillion Bucks

I forget what anime message board it was on but I came accross an interesting thread called "If I Had a Billion Dollars". In it, the participants discussed what anime they would back if they had the dough to do so. This intrigued me so I came up with a few ideas of my own. Power Ball winner? Me? Hey! It could happen!

Forget Peter Jacksons' travesty. THIS ... is the one.

1. Lord of the Rings - Peter Jackson DID NOT film LOTR. He made an abortion he calls LOTR but it is not the same. He took things out. He put things in. In an effort to appeal to a broad audience, he made female characters more prominent and had them doing things not in the original story. His appeals to PC/feminism DID NOT improve the story. Shoot ... The Ralph Bakshi version of '78, in spite of budgetary/time constraints, is superior in that it's true to the story.

I've concluded that the only way LOTR would be done justice on film is to take some money to Studio Ghibli with the following conditions.

A. Five films. The Hobbit, the trilogy, and Tom Bombadil with several stories from the Silmarillion.

B. NOTHING to be added or subtracted from the stories. The exception being Tom Bombadil. Even Bakshi had to exclude that part hence a fifth film.

The Angel Beats gang, We're MAD at God. Hey! We gotta' blame somebody!

2. Redo Angel Beats!. 13 episodes wasn't enough. We were left in the dark about most of the characters, their back stories, motivations etc. All we know is their lives were less than adequate and they shared Yuris' resentment/anger at God.

God commands the franchise continue. So it is written ... So it must be.
Etcetera ... Etcetera ... Etcetera ...

3. Continue the Haruhi Suzumiya franchise. For various reasons (The list being too long to go into.) Kyoto Animation stopped doing it. I like the concept of God being an unknowing, over-reaching young lady whose friends do what they can to keep her from finding out about herself.

Get another studio to do it maybe. As long as they stick to Tanigawas' concept and Itos' character designs, I'll go for it.

The "virus" of mankind must be destroyed. The virus prefers to disagree ...

4. Dub Gunbuster into English. Why? I'm an English speaking old white guy who happens to like the show. I understand there are technical hurdles to dubbing this as the vocal, sound FX/music tracks are actually one track. All the same, I think it could be done with enough money and technical expertise behind the effort.

Rapture schmapture! YOU GONNA' GIT TANGED!

5. Evangelion: Yes You CAN Redux- I have not seen 3.33 yet. From what I've heard, seen and read of it, Anno has really radically departed from the original. Perhaps (In my estimation.) jumped a whole school of sharks. I have every intention of having all four of the "rebuild" films but I can't help but get the feeling the original series is going to be the definitive of the franchise.

With that, if I had the money, I would back a redo of the original either as a 26 ep series plus End Of or as four "re-rebuild" films with the following conditions:

A. Stick more with the original series. No fourth impact. No gap of so many years. No spaceships, etc.

B. Make it more Biblically compliant. I really liked the original series having you "looking over your shoulder for God". Of course keep the Kaballic trappings/weirdness in. How else is one to justify the presence of lillith or be able to name all those "angels"?

Don't know why I like this character. Maybe it's because I'm a Sarah Palin fan.

B. Mari Makinami ... yes ... the only thing I really like about the rebuilds. Gotta have her along ...

An example by Satoshi Urushihara of the "color/texture"
I would like to see in a Book of Revelation anime.

6. The Book of Revelation aka The Apocalypse of St. John the Divine- No, not some end timey whimey rapture bunny fantasy ala Tim LaHaye/Hal Lindsey. Rather a LITERAL word for word visual depiction by various artists and studios, read by various voice artists and celebrities (Keith David maybe?). The visual images conjured up from reading The Book of Revelation were made for anime. Miyazaki and Shinkai could have a field day with this.

Satoshi Urushihara is a manga artist who has achieved a color/texture "effect" I think would go well with a film like this. Anyone into anime/manga and cruises the net a lot has run into his work from time to time. He is to anime/manga what Technicolor was to film and Alberto Vargas to pin-ups. Sadly, his main body of work is porn/hentai.

As an aside, a "friend", a notorious T-shirt monger from Alabania who shall remain nameless (His company and name rhyme with Aardvark Tees/Weatherly Hardy.) posited an idea: When the "whore of Babylon" appears (Revelation, Chapters 17 and 18.) the Gainax "bounce" should be utilized. Hmmm ... Not sure if that would be edifiying and uplifting (Pardon the pun.) but it certainly would be apocalyptic!

7. Since Bandai dropped the ball on marketing anime DVDs here it might not be a bad idea to buy up the marketing rights to their shows. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and Lucky Star among others, have been hanging in Limbo long enough.

That's it for now. Any further pipe dreams I come up with, I'll write 'em down.


Aardvark Tees, Shirts made of win! here.

Aardvarks' Plumbline blog here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

THAT'S Tonto? ... You're Kidding ... ... ... Right?

Depp tries to put the chemo in kemo sabe. This is sad.
Just because you can cosplay doesn't mean you should.

THAT'S Tonto? ... You're Kidding ... ... ... Right?


I like a good joke & all but ... Come on! THAT'S Tonto? You sure? More like Freako!

"Look Clayton! Those two dipwads are trying to pass them
selves off as us!" "Yeah Jay, it's pretty sad what some people
'll do for attention. By the way, just WHAT does kemo sabe
mean?" "You DON'T want to know ... kemo sabe." 

Now really! That orc THING looks more like something out of that abortion Peter Jackson has been passing off as Lord of the Rings. Tonto? Who you people tryin' to kid?

Shoot! I'm OFFENDED! ... And I'm racist! This is gonna make the Klinton Spilsbury flick look good. And folks wonder why I don't go to the movies anymore ...

By the way ... Someone should tell Armie Hammer that good "stage names" AREN'T found on boxes of baking soda.


Bill Cosbys' reminiscences of THE LONE RANGER here.

Go to Jays Tee Vee blog main page here.

Interesting Search Words #21

Interesting Search Words #21


More strange little web searches from strange little web people.

1. anne frank hentai - What the ...! Are you ... you gotta be ... ... GET OUTTA HERE!

2. atlas shrugged vs lord of the rings - Barack Obama. It's like having Gollum for president.
 

John Galt & a Taggart Transcontinental locomotive.
Credit: James Climer, Climercomics.

3. what does trololo mean - Here's your trololo right here!

4. rei ayanami creepy - Creepy ... yes. But not half as creepy as Kaworu.

Yeah ... She's creepy alright!

5. sailor moon drunk - We've all seen that one. I'd rather put in a nice iconic shot of the group of five.

Sailor Moon. A classic example of excellent character design carrying what
otherwise is an abysmal show. DBZ for girls & thus prettier to look at. And,
 unfortunately, has been a staple of hentai knockoffs for over two decades.

6. sick shinji - Yes! Sick, sick, SICK Shinji.


Shinji Ikari. President of the Tokyo 3 chapter of the
Edward D. Wood Jr. Fan Club. Maybe it's because he
feels closer to Asuka when he wears her stuff.

7. ayn rand swimsuit - That's almost as bad as Anne Frank hentai. As an objectivist, I OBJECT!

8. giant naked rei - Much better than 1, 6 & 7 and certainly better than a giant naked Kaworu. Possibly the creepiest scene in End of Evangelion.

Third Impact would be a lot more fun if it was Haruhi.
She IS God after all.

That's it for now. Things have slowed down DRASTICALLY blog traffic wise the last couple days. Either due to the elections (Get out there & VOTE!) or perhaps the shine has been taken off the apple of the Darn That Bill! article (Now over 47,000 hits on that one!). Hopefully things will pick up later, probably after November 6. Will still try to get Interesting Search Words #22 out before then & of course get two articles on this blog per week ... See ya'll later.


Climercomics here.

Wikipedia Atlas Shrugged article here.

Atlas Shrugged Pt. 1: So Bad Because It's Good here.

The trololo guy here.

Trololo cat here.

Neon Genesis Evangelion OOOO! Goodies in the Mail here.

Wikipedia Sailor Moon franchise article here.

Ayn Rand Institute here.

Atlas Society here.

End of Evangelion: This Is (Really) Disturbing here.

The Head Trip of Haruhi Suzumiya parts 1, 2, 3.

Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here.

Two Ring Circus

Nanako Matsushima finds out that movies are still your best
entertainment. Ringu (Toho Co. Ltd & Kadokawa Shoten 1998)

                                                      Two Ring Circus

                                                                 by

                                                                    Jay Agan

     So, what is it with "Hollywood"? (I'm referring to the mentality. I know a lot of films are not "made" there.) Just what is it that makes these folks take a property & mess with it? We've all seen it before: A best selling book. A great foriegn film/classic film. Something that was wonderful, inspirational, or just dang kool. They take it & make/remake it into a piece of on-screen garbage. Look at what they did to Lord of the Rings, Godzilla, or any original & see the mess they made of it. Krap! Whole & total.

     I can only imagine how these "products" came to be. The book, concept, script, original work goes in one end of the "mill" & out the other. Passed from one to the other, everyone along the line has to put his mark, his stamp on it in order to make it "his". Each one wants to take his/her respective "significant other", point to the screen at a certain part & say, "see baby? This is why this film is 'mine'." It may be his/theirs but it's not one I'd want.

     What are they thinking when they "communicate" with one another? What goes on in these meetings of theirs? What kind of sick demons are rattling inside their skulls as they sodomize a property beyond the point of undeath?

     "Hey! Let's take out/add/change characters!"

     "Let's change the setting & plot!"

     "Why don't we jazz up the concept? See how much of an event we can make of this!"

     "Moderize it! More action & zip!"

     "Y'know? A nude scene or two definitely wouldn't hurt. Yeah! Let's go with that!"

     "We can get (Insert name of latest actor/whore du jour.) for the part. I know he/she's not right for it but audiences love him/her!"

     "Let's ....."

     "Let's appeal to the lowest common denominator!"

     If they were at all honest with themselves, their meetings would start off with:

     "How do we (With a capital F.) this?"

     Take Ringu for instance. I picked it up as a three buck special at Big Lots. I had seen The Ring a few years before & did not like it. Thanks to this Japanese original I like it even less.

     Ringu is a nice little "subdued" supernatural thriller about an urban legend where viewers of an off beat short film are killed off by a curse within a week unless they "pass" the tape on. The U.S. ("Hollywood"!) remake covers the same ground though execrably so.

     Ringu has only about two "vague" death scenes (I guess the babe coming out of the TV induces heart attacks or something.) Most of the film is devoted to tracking down & stopping the curse.

     The Ring? Well ..... The only thing I can write in its favor is they didn't add or take away much in the way of plot but what they did was more than enough to ruin it.

     I can see it now: "Hey guys! I gotta great idea! Let's add a some more deaths & kill a horse!"

     The extra deaths did nothing at all for the story & "broke up" the investigations' progression. As for the horse ..... that was just mean.

     If they wanted to "improve" on RIngu all they had to do IMHO was release it here with an English voice track. As it is, Ringu is the superior film even if I have to "struggle" with subtitles.

     "Hollywood" .....

     By the way ..... If you re-view the tape on the sixth day, do you get a seven day extension?

                                            Article copyright © 2-1-2011 Jay Agan

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