That Is One Pesky Critter!

HOLY SHIRT! ... It's a Vincent Price!

That Is One Pesky Critter!


Scary thing happened earlier this week ...

We've all had problems with varmints. Y'know, coons, possums, skunks 'n roaches.

Had a bit of a problem with a rather unique one. So unique and rarely encountered that it makes the endangered species list now and then.

I'm in my living room reading and I happened to look up and-

HOLY CRUD!

There ... Standing right next to the TV was ...

A Vincent Price!

Staring right at me ... just ... staring ... AT  ME!

Now I did a bit of reading up on this critter some years back. The Vincent Price isn't content to hide under your porch or sink. Attics and cellars have some attraction to them but they mainly like to get in your house proper and just ... Stare at you.

It's really, really, CREEEEEEEPY when they do that.

DANG!

So I call up the Humane Society and they send a couple guys down to pick it up.

They come in with this humungous, spring loaded box trap. Setting it in the center of the floor, they then baited it with a bottle of Dom Perignon '54 and a large round of brie. That nailed the sucker!

A couple hours after they took it away, I got a phone call from the Society thanking me for having helped in preserving an endangered species.

On asking what they did with the Vincent Price, I was told that it was taken to Hoover Reservoir Park where it was allowed to run free.

Gives me a feeling of the "warm 'n fuzzies" inside.

Don't believe me? Yeah ... just you wait until you find one of those scary things in your house. That'll 'larn ya I'll betcha'!

Jus' sayin' ...

Perfect examples of Vincent Price infestation here and here.

Wikipedia article on Vincent Price here.


Go to Jays' Tee Vee blog main page here. If any articles are already staring at you from under this one then you're already there.

Who Are You Little Girl? The Judgement of Rod Serling

                                        

Rod Serling caricature by Al Hirschfeld

                                       
                         Who Are You Little Girl? The Judgement of Rod Serling

                                                                by
                                                    
                                                                    Jay Agan

      Flashback to the mid-70s. Had recently escaped from (Insert name of a large,ossified, religious denomination of your choice here.) & joined a much smaller fundamentalist bunch (I liked the "dynamics" & yes, found out what salvation is when you take away the ritual & "extraciricular" non-doctrine.). Spiritually, I found things to be much simpler & better. Even in "Eden" however, a "snake" or two can be found & I encountered one hissing  away one night at a youth meeting.

     A few days before, Rod Serling died of a heart attack during surgery. Serling was a producer/writer of several movies & TV shows, one of which was The Twilight Zone, a big favorite of mine.

      Some in this little congregation I attended looked down on such shows as Zone (Nanny & the Professor, Bewitched, etc.). One was an otherwise nice young lady who snarkingly "commented" on as to where Mr. Serling might be spending eternity. I wish I was a little more knowlegable of Mr. Serling, The Twilight Zone & of "theology" at the time. An interesting discussion might have taken place.

      Who are you little girl? And who do you think you are? Your'e in no position to judge this man & know next to nothing about him. All you do know is what you've seen on that "satanic" TV show of his. And what were you doing watching it if it's so bad? (I'm reminded of a pastor commenting on how miserable Vincent Price must have been due to his "reputation" for the macabre. From what I read over the years "Uncle Vince" had a blast! So much for the speculations of the "Godly".)

      Rodman Edward Serling (1924-1975, aged 50). Native of Cayuga County/Rochester, NY (I'm originally from the Chemung County/Elmira area.). World War ll combat vet, wounded, saw more than he cared to. It's thought to have affected him later in life. Workaholic, heavy smoker. Wrote/produced some of the greatest TV shows & movies ever (Requiem For A Heavyweight & Patterns are must sees.) , Twilight Zone included.

      I doubt Zone episodes were intended to be "satanic". Some, (One For the Angels, Nothing In the Dark, & A Nice Place to Visit) could be considered angelic. "Diabolic" or "heavenly", each ep had something thoughtful if not positive in it. I don't think the show was engineered to steer folks toward the devil.

      Only God is the true & fair judge of any & all. For all you know young lady, Mr. Serling is up there "doing TV". Maybe you should be more concerned with working out your own salvation (Phillipians 2:12) instead of condemning others.

                                    Article copyright © 5-4-2011 Jay Agan

A Twilight Zone Moment here.

Go to main page here.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.     

Fun "Facts" About Vincent Price & The Last Man On Earth

Disclaimer: The proceeding is not meant to defame or belittle anyone. The people mentioned are among the many artists who made my life a little more interesting/bearable & I have nothing but affection towards them. This is satire & all in fun. Please take this in the spirit in which it is given.
                                        

Vincent Price deals with the neighbors in
The Last Man On Earth. Credit: MGM, AIP

                                         
                      Fun "Facts" About Vincent Price & The Last Man On Earth
                                                                                   
                                                              by

                                                                  Jay Agan

      Many of you have run across examples of MGMs' Midnite Movies DVDs. Single or double feature, they have a lot of those wonderful schlock vehicles we enjoyed in our younger days. One I have is a double bill with AIPs' Panic In Year Zero & The Last Man On Earth.

      On the back of the case are "fun facts" relating to the discs' contents. Only one is listed in regard to The Last Man On Earth & it is totally wrong. Here are a few other "fun facts" starting with a correction.

      1. In spite of what it says on the back cover, LMOE actually was filmed in Los Angeles (The exact setting from Richard Mathesons' I Am Legend on which the film is based.) It was edited to look as if it was filmed in Rome, Italy as part of a goverment psyop by an unspecified agency.

      2. The Principle interior/exterior scenes of the title characters' house were filmed at the Prices' Benedict Canyon home. The Prices were that messy. They actually did have their windows boarded up as disgruntled neighbors (Fed up with the eyesore, not to mention the noise!) would often throw rocks at the house.

      3. The actors, playing the vampire hoard outside, were the Prices' neighbors. When told they would not be shot at (This time!) while trashing the place, they offered to do it for free. That's not acting. They really WERE out to get him!

      4. The scenes of the creatures trashing the '56 Chevy wagon (Vince drove older cars due to lower insurance costs.) were shot when the family was out of town. A furious Price was reimbursed with the '58 Ford wagon seen later in the film.

      5. Richard Matheson (Who also wrote the screenplay.) insisted he be credited under a ficticious name. In the "special features" section of the disc, he said he "wasn't happy" with the finished picture. Actually he "wasn't happy" that Price was in the film. He felt Wally Cox to be a better choice.

                                "Fun Facts" About Vincent Price Himself

      1. His real name was Hobart Daubenmier.

      2. He wore lifts. He actually stood 5'3", not 6'4".

      3. All his books were ghost written by an obscure hack named Logan Swanson.

      4. William Castle often remarked that whenever he felt "down in the dumps" he would think about Vincent Price. "Then I wouldn't feel so bad about myself!"

      5. Soon after taking Price on as their fine art spokesman & purchasing agent, Sears Roebuck & Co. regretted the decision. It was years before they finally unloaded the last of all those Elvis on velvet paintings & pictures of poker playing dogs.

      6. Neighbor Roddy McDowell preferred the Prices visit his home & not he theirs which he dreaded. He said the bathroom looked "unhealthy". The diminutive actor had an obsessive fear of falling in.

      Geez. I hope none of this ends up on the Internet Movie Database!

      Another Disclaimer: Again, this is all in fun & just for laffs. Please don't hurt me!

                                     Article copyright © 3-6-2011 Jay Agan

Go to Main Page here.

DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

This article (only) may be copied in whole or in part. Please cite proper credit & backlink.

William Campbell: The Squire of Gothos

No! It ain't Liberace! It's worse!
Credit: Paramount Pictures

                                     
                                 
William Campbell: The Squire of Gothos

    by
                                                                            
    Jay Agan


"The Squire of Gothos". A Star Trek (tos) episode some don't like, but for some strange reason, I do. It has some elements I would usually dislike in other shows. A quirky, plummy character, acting more like comic relief than serious. (General Trelane,ret.) A fantasy setting with a fairy tale feel, it borders on a Lost In Space episode. (A show I detest.)

Yet, everyone else plays it straight, taking the situation seriously in regard to Gen. Trelane being the real threat he is.

I guess that's why I like this one. In spite of the general coming accross as such a goofy ham, what with his silly grin, exagerated mannerisms, and over the top theatrics, at the same time........you KNOW this guy is dangerous. Yes, it turns out in the end he's really just a kid with a lot of growing up to do. But what a deadly, calculating one.

William Campbell did a great job portraying this character. It would have been cool to have seen Trelane in other episodes. (Instead, Campbell was wasted as another character in that one very execrable episode.) Were they thinking of Trelaine when they came up with Q in Next Generation?

Kind of makes me wonder how Vincent Price would have handled this role. Now THERE is someone I would like to have seen in Trek!

                                                    
Article copyright © Jay Agan


Go to Main Page.


DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

Some Bad Movie Experiences

Some Bad Movie Experiences
     
by
             
Jay Agan


Military school, late 60s, rec hall, Wednesday night. Don't let nuns pick your movies! This one was particularly cruel & unusual. Carusel turned me off to musicals forever. We had a choice either watching this ultra-turkey or study hall. Should have taken study hall. (Sing & dance! Dance & sing! la la la la laaaah! Diddley dee! diddley doe! La la la la laaaah! Aaaaargh!) All that krap and hardly a story to be found.

Another military school vignette. This time the Vatican I types scored right but I only came to appreciate this flick later in life. AIPs' Pit & the Pendulum. It moved kinda slow for me until "Uncle Vince" and the gang disinterr the corpse. Hit me like a ton of plutonium bricks! Later that night & early morning, I'm surrounded by a hundred other snoozing cadets & I can't sleep! I KNEW Elizabeth was waiting out in the dark to get me!

High School Social(ist) Studies assignment: Watch West Side Story tonight. For some reason our educators & zampolits had the idea this would raise our conciousness about inner city "culture". From the moment of the first pirouette in the first "fairy fight", I knew something was terribly wrong with this movie. I was actually grateful for the commercial interruptions as I could take frequent bathroom breaks. This garbage had me going at both ends. (Leonard Bernstien, I absolutely loathe you. Tonight! Tonight! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Tonight! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Wah! Waah! Waah! Waah! Waaaah! Tonite!Toooooniiiiite! TOOOONIIIIITE! Geeze! Holy stinkin' krud!)

Bad movie experience: Seeing a scary movie with a certain girlfriend. Fun movie experience: The same scary movie with that same certain girlfriend. 1979. Had been going with this young lady a few weeks. It didn't even cross my mind how she would react to a horror flick.

Phantasm. Right arm around her ladyship. Everything smooth sailing. Until the floating, bladed, steel ball smacks into the hapless extras' face & starts drilling, blood shooting out the back.

Pain. Deep, dull/sharp, shooting, excriuciating agony in my right shoulder. Through my watering eyes I could see she had rammed her forehead into my shoulder in an effort to look away from the screen. Kid had a head like a rock! Strong too. Try as I might, I couldn't pry her noggin off. If it weren't for the sensation of needing some bones set, I would've enjoyed this. Shoulder hurt for over a week. I think this is why I have arthritis in that shoulder today.

On later outings, she knew not to react so violently. She'd strain the movies through her hands over her face. Said she hated these films but always insisted on seeing them.

I remember an epic arguement we had over a flick that wasn't so much a horror film as it was a horror. I had seen Cruising with a friend the week before. She to had already seen it & insisted on seeing it again. No way. There are some things I won't do for love.

I really miss her.


Article copyright © Jay Agan

Go to Main Page.

A Few For Halloween & One Not

                                                   A Few For Halloween & One Not

                                                                            by
          
                                                                              Jay Agan

        Yes, Halloween! My favorite time of year & what better way to celebrate than with that grand tradition of THE HAUNTED HOUSE. Here's five flicks to get you in the mood.

 1.    House on Haunted Hill- No not that abortive remake from a few years back but the great one from 1958.

        Millionare Frederick Lauren (Vincent Price at his slightly hammy yet sinister best.) is throwing a party. A haunted house party. He  commandeered the idea from his avaricious wife & invited only five people unknown to one another. Survivors (Or next of kin.) get ten grand each if they last the night.

        The party takes place at "the only truly haunted house in the world". Thrown into the mix of ghosts, acid vats, creeping ropes, & bloodstains are party favors packed in little gift coffins. Colt .45 automatics! Soon, everyone is armed & precarious. And the fun hasn't even started yet!

        A mix of toungue in cheek, & deadly seriousness, the film is both funny & absorbing. Along for the ride is character actor Elisha Cook Jr. who even steals a scene or two from Price. This is a must see for any haunted house fan. Rated R (Don't know why. It's not that "mean" a film.).

 2.    The Ghost & Mr. Chicken (1966)- Luther Heggs (Ably portrayed by Don Knotts.), a nervous, high strung, homely type, must, on a dare, spend the night at "the old Simmons place". This is on the 20th anniversary of a murder/suicide that had taken place there. The house is about to be torn down & Luther is assigned by his paper to write a story.

        Complicating matters are sneering townsfolk/coworkers, a Simmons relative keen on tearing the place down, a possible romance, & poor Luthers' chronic squeamishness of life in general. A nice, scarey, little comedy about a "little" man overcoming obstacles & fears within. "Atta boy, Luther!" Not rated.


 3.    The Uninvited (1944)- The first American made film to take the haunted house theme seriously. A brother & sister (Ray Milland & Ruth Hussey) buy an old English mansion & encounter the spirit residing within. As the story unfolds & mystery unravels, it becomes apparant supernatural forces are intent on harm of the living through the living. A great, atmospheric, little chiller. On VHS only. Not Rated.

 4.     The Legend of Hell House (1973)- A wealthy man hires a team of researchers to investigate "the Mt. Everest of haunted houses" for proof of life after death. A scientist, his wife, & two psychics spend several days there in the chaos that follows. These ghosts are not happy & are quite clear about it (Watch out for the killer kitty!).

        Decadence, possesion, dementia & death well portrayed in an oppressive atmosphere of encroaching doom. The "action" scenes in this early 70s chiller more than show it not to be one of those cozy little tales. Rated PG.

 5.    Burnt Offerings (1976)- A writer (Oliver Reed) & his family lease a vacation home that is not haunted but the haunter itself. The family gradually falls under its' spell as it slowly draws the life from & enslaving them before going in for the kill. An interesting study of materialism & obsessivness. Quite  a bit different for a movie of its' type. Rated PG.

                                                                 And One Not

 6.    The Haunting (1963)- Acclaimed by critics & viewers alike, a masterpiece of horror. Or so they say.

        I just can't see it that way. I found the story dull & the scares unexiting. The characters are mostly bland except for Julie Harris. What she does is whine, whine, whine!, making a rather boring film excrutiating as well. I included this due to its' popularity. A lot of folks seem to like this one though I can't.

        There you have it. There are other flicks fitting into this category, but these are the ones (& one not) I enjoy most.

                                                       Article copyright © Jay Agan

Disclaimer: All film ratings are on the films respective containers. Discretion is up to you.

Go to MAIN PAGE.

Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

Poster/photo credit: Walt Disney Studios

                                    

Bring Me the Head of Walt Disney (Frozen or Otherwise)

by

Jay Agan
      

"No! You can't see that movie. You'll be scared & have nightmares."

   

The usual response I'd get from Mom when pointing out some cool show advertised in the paper.("Uncle Vince" & Roger Corman were THE team back in the early 60s.) Missed out on a lot of great stuff due to such overprotectiveness. She meant well but come on! A kids' gotta have his fun. Not that we didn't go to movies. Mostly kiddy fare. Usually Disney, Disney, & more Disney. And therein hangs a tale.

After an umpteenth refusal for us to see Pit & the Pendulum or other such vileness, Mom let Dad take us to see another Disney offering. Ah, yes. More uplifting, wholesome, family goodness! Now, normally, people don't think anything from the Disney studios to be damaging to children. True, there was that off screen shooting of Bambies' mother, but that was a mild anomaly not to be repeated. Disney films were supposed to be masterpieces of life affirming, goodness & spiritually edifying fun & happiness. Or so most thought at the time. Howsomever, we kids hadn't reckoned on a tour de force of jollity & good cheer bearing the title of.........Old Yeller.

Dad took us as Mom had to stay home with baby sister. Had they come with us she would have understood the folly of shielding us from the world. She got it second hand. Boy, did she ever!

I don't remember that much about the flick except for the last 20-30 minutes: Disease! Rabies! Death!

Tommy Kirk takes the gun from Pa.

Cut to barn door opening.

Shot of foam at the mouth title character in stall.

Back to Kirk taking aim.

Quick cut of "Cujo" taking a flying leap at the camera.

Quick shot of gun muzzle. BANG!

Fast fade to black.

A few seconds pass as it registers on the audience.

Little moans. One here. Another there. Several more scattered round. More dispersed yelps sprinkle the crowd. More. A little more, till it's evenly spread throughout. All in coordination, it rises in pitch & volume. Higher. Louder. Louder! Higher!

All united & chorousing upward into an overwhelming crescendo of primal scream.

Pandaemonium. Whole & total.

People jumping, hitting the cieling. Writhing on the floor. Throwing up in the aisles. Running about in bounce off the walls panic.

The kids were even worse.

Maybe I exagerate but you get the picture. We were, to say the least, in shock. Traumatized.

Dad, scanning about the theater, a look of abject disgust of his face. Through the tears, I'm thinking, "cool!"

It settles down a bit & everyone watches the epilogue/wrap-up. (Older Disney flicks had anti-climactic ending scenes.) The replacement puppy shows up (They gonna shoot him too?) & the crying crap starts in again. The End. Not yet kiddies....not yet.

The square in Mt. Vernon lies on a gentle slope. The Vernon Theater occupied the lowest (southwest) corner. Out of this "wailing well" come the most piteous squeals, echoing off the First Knox Nat. Bank & other structures. Reverberating down the side alley, bouncing off Brinings News Stand & back up. (Vine St. didn't channel any of it away.) Gives it a sort of "stroboscopic" effect. First time I ever heard sound in quite that way.

Heading home, Dad tries to explain rabies to us. We're having none of that. Reality indeed! Hey! They shot the dog! Deadern'a door nail! Waaaaaaah! Cars pull to the side, thinking an emergency vehicle needs to pass.

After all the dog did for them! Brought fun & happiness into their dull, inbred, backwoods existence. Making life more interesting in Deliverence country. Saved em from the bear 'n wolves, etc. Then they had to go 'n shoot him! Darn old subsistance farmers!

We're sort of settled down by the time we pull into home.

Getting in, Mom cheerily greets us, " so. How was your movie?"

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
    
Younger brother, stares blankly at the wall, mouth hanging open. Youngest brother, sitting, back to a wall, rocking back & forth, muttering, "they shot the dog ....eh...eh ....eh ....eh ....eh ..eh....eh.....they shot the dog!" Little sister, letting out a minutes long wail, not once pausing for breath. Dad, staring at the cieling, with a "Why me?" kind of look.

"John. John? JOHN! What kind of movie did you take them to?! It wasn't that horror movie, was it?!"

"For Gods' sake Hon! It was a Walt Disney movie! It was Old Yeller!"

"So what happened?"

"Aw, they shot the dog."

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

"Oh, shut up!"

We didn't go to the movies much after that. On many a Sunday night after. When The Wonderful World of Disney/Color would come on. I'd curse that guy  whenever he'd appear.

"Hello, boys & girls!"

"You're sick Disney! Sick! I hate your slime covered guts! Die, you -------! Die!"

Fast forward a few years to military school. Wednesday movie in the rec hall. 16mm projector puttering away. (Buena Vista presents.......uh oh.) It's the one about John Wesley Powell exploring the Grand Canyon.

"We can't take the dog with us. Here...", handing the rifle over. (Oh, no. Not again?!)

The guy takes aim.

Cut to a wide eyed, happy looking, wiggly tailed, little terrier, toungue hanging out. I swear, the dog actually smiled!

Hand pulls the hammer back.

Back to happy dog.

"Agan, quit yer cryin!

"I'm not cryin!"

"Yeah, right."

"What's goin on?"

"Aw, Agan's cryin."

"Shut up man! I'ma kick yer butt!"

"Yeah, right."

Guy relents & lowers the rifle. The pup is saved. Whew!

Yes sir! The ole tried 'n true Disney formula: KILL THE DOG!

Folks think I'm warped due to all the crazy flicks/books I've watched/read over the years. Not so. It wasn't Lugosi, Karloff,  Price, Corman, the Chaneys or any of the other greats who put my miniscule grey matter in a bunch.

It was that darned Disney.

I hate you Walt.


Article copyright © 12-17-20


Old Yeller as I saw it. (Parody trailer is not mine).


Go to MAIN PAGE.


DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.