Cynicism: Gets Me Through the Day

I'm glad I don't drink ...

Cynicism: Gets Me Through the Day


About three years ago:

I just get off work. Almost one AM & heading home. Some of the college kiddies are staggering home after a little bar hopping. I see two girls going down the other side of the street. One crying on the shoulder of the other consoling.

"Look on the bright side. At least you found out early what an a-----e he is. Just think what it would have been like later ... blah blah blah ..."

My heart went out to the kid. I wanted to console her too. Something like:

"She's right hon. It could have been much worse. By the same token, had he been a nice guy, you would have immediately dropped him like a live grenade & gone running to the nearest a-----e!"

Women like krap because it gives them something to "make better". Sheeeeesh!

It's a sad world but I'm a happy puppy ...


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On the "Chemical Enhancement" of Films

                                                                        by
                                                                            Jay Agan


                        "When I was young & irresponsible, I was young & irresponsible."
                                                 Comment allegedly said by Pres. George W. Bush

         
      The first time I was ever drunk (two shots of Yukon Jack & a beer), I drove home. Yeah. I know. Stupid with a capitol STUPID. Didn't get caught & (Thank God!) no incident/accident. I definitely DO NOT recommend drinking & driving. If you must get drunk (Do you really?), do it at home & have someone hide the keys. Which brings me to this article.

      I get home, marveling at the side effects, & turn on the tv. Nite Owl Theaters' Chiller Night (WBNS ch 10)  was on & half way thru the first feature. The 1941 Jekyl & Hyde with Spencer Tracey. Talk about apropo!

      The tv screen was twice the size it usually was. A black & white set, it had this eerie semi-technicolor blue glow. The sound was enhanced with a "depth" I had never experienced before, not to mention that echo effect. Any movement of the screen, I could more than feel. And there. As Mr. Hyde. Was Spencer Tracey leering down at me. I didn't know people had teeth that big! The films' "poney girl" dream sequence knocked me on my posterior. (Did I just see what I thought I did? Huh? What? Whoa!) I have this flick in my collection, but without the booze, it isn't the same.

     Fast forward about 10 years. The days before I collected films. Desperate for entertainment, I recalled the aforesaid experience, & took up alky again.

     In the late 80s/early 90s, ch 61 had Republic Theater (Rep. Pictures flicks) & another show that had poverty row/public domain movies on late at night. The days of Shock/Son of Shock & other pre-70s film packages on ch 10 & other stations were long gone. Nite Owl Theater was reduced to showing newer & foriegn drek.

     Thanks to beer, I was able to take in flicks I wouldn't be caught watching, dead or sober. Romances, chick flix, singin' cowboy junk, musicals (Yuck!), etc. I passed many of what otherwise would have been boring nights that way.

      It all came to a head one day. Or day after. After taking in "Exterminators In the Year 3000" (along with an 8 pack of malt liquor) on Nite Owl the night before, I spent the first half of Saturday pondering wether or not to pray at the shrine of Ralph. The great porcelain god won out & I gave the unabsorbable poison the ole heave ho.

     I haven't done this in years & doubt I'll ever try again.

     "Uh! Urp! Oh geez! Rrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllph!!"


                                              Article copyright © Jay Agan

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