TCM Remembers 2011

                                               TCM Remembers 2011
    
     Life is a series of goodbyes. Goodbye to childhood, youth, middle age, graduation, family, friends, retirement, THE  END.

     Then there's that big HELLO. 1 Corinthians 13:12.

Click here for You Tube presentation.

The Devils' Cabaret: Hellish Little Film

Yeah. It's THAT place alright. Either that or Cleveland!
The Devils' Cabaret Credit: MGM, Turner Classic Movies.

                       
                                     The Devils' Cabaret: Hellish Little Film

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan

      It came as one of the extras on the Warner disc of Cimarron, a claustrophobic western starring Richard Dix. After enduring about 10 minutes, I decided to try The Devils Cabaret, a musical short with Eddie Buzzell (Who he?).

      Seems to be a crisis at Satan & Co., Inc. Too many "customers" are choosing Heaven over you know where (As indicated by the meter on the office wall.). Ole Scratch sends out for Howie Burns (How he burns ..... get it? Didn't think so.), a go getter with a sure fire (My pun. The ones in the flick are MUCH worse!) way of getting more folks "down there". After a dumpload of lame jokes & bad puns ("We're in the red!" "Just an old flame of mine.", etc.) Howie's off for fresh souls.

      At the entrance to the cabaret, Howie interrupts a preacher warning of what waits within. His enticements culminate in a dance number where the girl dancers peel off their green quasi "puritan" garb down to their lingerie. (Yeah, this is definitely "pre-code". Quite tame today (No nudity, etc.) but could still raise an eyebrow at a church gathering. This & the other dance numbers come off as uncoordinated & crude. It would be some time before Busby Berkely, et al would refine the musical genre & give it some class.) The gullible follow the dancers in past the preacher, down the slide & in to the cabaret. After the damned are seated, Satan appears & the show is on.

      As one can guess, it gets worse. A huge round alter (See photo above.) topped by  an "idealized" Satan face with batwings. Chorous girl "satanettes" in tutus do a "ballet" number followed by  "swing" dance.

      After that, the wind up. Mr. Burns announces the show's over. Mens dorm to the left, girls to the right.
     
      "No!"

      "Didn't ya all have a wonderful time down here?"

      "Yes!"

      Didn't ya see marvelous entertainment?"

      "Yes!"

      "I gave you everything I promised you down in Hades, didn't I?"

      "Yes!"

      "And?"

      "Well, what's the idea of separating us?"

      "Ahhhhhhhhh! That's the HELL of it!"

      Fade to red.

       Sigh. I think I'll actually keep this little atrocity. It should endear me to the folks at church when I show it to some of them.

       "Do you always stutter?"

      "Gosh no! Only w-when I t-t-talk!"

      Oh for cryin' out loud!

     
                                      Article copyright © 5-26-2011 Jay Agan

Hell in anime here.

Heaven in anime here. It's a LOT better than depicted.

How NOT to get pwned by Satan here. Second half of the article maps it out.

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Dang! Part 4, Once Upon a Time In the West

Charles Bronson sees to it that Al Mulloch, Jack Elam &
Woody Strode get theirs in the first 15 minutes of
Once Upon A Time In The West. Photo credit: Paramount

                               Dang! Part 4, Once Upon A Time In The West

                                                                by

                                                                    Jay Agan

      So I was visiting the folks some years back when after dinner, Mom settled in for a movie on TCM: Sergio Leones' Once Upon A Time In The West. Having seen it a time or two before, I fully expected whatever would happen next in the course of the film. Mom however, not having seen it, did not.

      The brutal gunning down of the family early in the film certainly got an "Oh, dear!" out of her. What happened next really took her aback.

      The family laying dead in the dirt, only the little boy to finish off. Boots & spurs shuffle/clink through the dust & stop before the lens. Camera slowly pans up the figure connected to the grimy footwear, stopping on the angelic (With slightly demonic expression.), blond haired, blue eyed face of ..... Him.

      "Oh my God!" Mom Exclaims. "Is that Henry Fonda?!"

      "Sure is."

      Quite unexpected for anyone who hasn't seen this picture. One usually doesn't see Henry Fonda playing against type in a bad guy role, especially as mean & nasty as he is in Once Upon A Time In The West.

      Years later, I got the DVD & viewed the extras. One was an interview with Fonda describing how he prepped himself for the role by "looking like a bastard", dying his hair brown,  mustache, & brown contacs. On seeing him, Leone told him in no uncertain terms that was not the "look" he wanted Fonda to have in the film.

      He wanted Henry Fonda to look like ..... Henry Fonda. Leone wanted it so when the audience first saw his face they would say, & I quote: "Jesus Christ! It's Henry Fonda!"

      That got a few yucks 'n chuckles out of me as I recalled my Moms' reaction. Yes Mr. Leone. It certainly worked with her.

                                     Article copyright © 5-9-2011 Jay Agan

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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.

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Cinematic Heresy Part 3: Gone With the Wind

The BEST part of this mess.
Credit: MGM

                                                           
                                Cinematic Heresy Part 3: Gone With the Wind

                                                                by

                                                                   Jay Agan

      I've never seen this picture all the way through. I can't rightly say I've even seen it part way through. I tried. Really ..... really, .....tried. I just can't get myself to sit through this ultra over-rated cinematic mistake:

                                                 GONE WITH THE WIND

      My last attempt to view it resulted as before. Disaster.

      Opening credits, no problem. Anyone can get through them. Then ..... bad things begin to happen.

      We're on a pavillion or porch. With this woman. This TALKING woman. Talking .... talking ..... in that ..... voice. Talking ..... in that ..... horrible ..... irritating ..... voice. Talking. Did I say she was talking? Oh yes! Talking.

      Will we ever get off that porch?

      Will she ever stop talking?

      And who the heck is this Ashley Wilkes guy & why should I care?

      I got off the porch ..... running ..... running.

      Actually I flipped channels for something more intellectually stimulating such as NASCAR or pro-wrestling.

Now THIS I'd LOVE to see!

      It must be a masochistic streak in me for I kept returning to TCM in hopes of the situation improving.

      Well. We're off the porch. She's stiiiiiill talking though.

      One hour+ later. Still yakking away. In a ballroom. C'mon Clark! Make her shut up!

      Even later. Atlanta in flames but she has quieted down a bit. What a weird chick. I guess "it takes a burning village".

      As one fellow (In a related thread in the Off Topic Discussions section on The Classic Horror Film Board.) wrote: "Am I the only one rooting for the Union Army?" No. No your not!

      As God is my witness! I will never try to see this movie again! (Que music)

                                                     Article copyright © Jay Agan
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DISCLAIMER: All images used on this blog are strictly copyrights of their owners. I do not claim credit/ownership for any images used here in my blog unless stated otherwise. If I have offended anyone by posting any images on my blog, please contact me via email and I will remove specified image(s) ASAP.