Rapture Bunnies: Digging My Grave Deeper
by
Jay Agan
Time: 11 years ago.
Place: A warehouse (Ahem! DISTRIBUTION CENTER!) particularly the toy & sporting goods departments. Many Clients. Where I got to know more about
Pokemon than I cared to (Thankfully mostly forgotten. For a crash curse ..... uh ..... course on Pokemon, click
here. Everybody Polk-a-mon!).
The cast: 1. A "repulsive" little man with a sullen manner who I took an instant dislike to but later found to be an OK guy. Let's call him Carl.
2. The ..... rapture bunny. Seen during lunch & breaks literally poring over a volume of the
Left Behind series. Moron ..... uh more on him later.
3. Assorted fellow workers.
4. A mish mash of go-getters, cheerleaders, rah rah boys, self motivators, bootlickers, rats/snitches, & self appointed guardians of the hive mind (ie.: Those "amateur spies"
Orwell warned about in
1984.).
5. Yours truely.
Atmosphere: PC to the max & beyond. Check your civil & Constitutional rights at the door. Only a list of outmoded suggestions anyway. Especially that Bill of Rights part ..... thing.
How PC you ask? Check this out.
I was "caught" having a conversation with the toy depts' manager & a co-worker about the toys of yesteryear. I commented on the varied uniforms of the original 1960s
GI Joe line of dolls ..... oops! ..... action figures. I made a mention of the SS garb complete with swazi armbands.
A new supervisor (Seldom seen out of his office.) was walking by & looked strangely at us. Made me wonder what the heck his problem was.
Twenty minutes later I'm called into this guys' office. I was told to watch what I say. After all (In his words.) a "holocaust survivor" might be walking through the warehouse & be offended (
Hasbro, the makers of the GI Joe line, is short for Hassenfeld Brothers. Did they ever feel offended by any of their own products?). Oh yes. Would I be so kind as to sign this paper stating my humbleness/ contrition, acknowledgement/confession of guilt/evil & acceptance of just punishment consisting of being barred from any future promotions, raises, transfers, etc. for an indefinite period of time? Uh ..... no.
He seemed to be rather put out by that & we tangled later on other things. Seems the business had a policy of not firing anyone but rather let pressures compel one to quit. That way no question about unemployment benefits.
And pressure there was! List is too lengthy of the games management played. Let's just say a lot of people walked, as I eventually did (In one case a dept. of eight took off all at once!). It was because of these walkoffs people were being constantly shifted around to take up slack. Wich is where the main part of this story begins.
I'm moved with Carl & the rapture bunny (He was from another dept.) to the "outdoors" section to pick 'n pack. One order called for a couple of American flag beach towels.
AMERICAN FLAG BEACH TOWELS!
Ever since I became aware of this countrys' rush to suicide, & its collective determination to drag me & everyone else down with it, I have, year by year, become less & less patriotic (The country wanting to kill itself is one thing. To take me along & have me subsidize it as well is quite another.). But even today, I KNOW you don't toss the flag in the dirt in order to keep sand off your posterior! True, the colors were a bit off & there was a white anchor in the field of blue BUT .....
I got rather vocal about it.
So much so that within the hour the dept. supervisor had me in his office. He said to the effect that people had the right to be in a safe/secure workplace & Ihad "distressed" some of my co-workers. I stated I had threatened no one.
Be that as it may, would I be so kind as to sign this paper stating my humbleness /contrition, acknowledgement of guilt/evil & acceptance of just punishment consisting of being barred from future promotions, raises, transfers etc. for an indefinite period of time?
What was this? Double (not so) secret probation? (FOOD FIGHT!)
Having read the "charges" I said no.
We agreed I would sign if he reworded it & sent me back to work. I should NOT have agreed to anything (I needed the job & my mental state was not the greatest during this period in my life.). This did get me a breather & I was able to steel myself for what was next. In fact, I got mad. PISSED!
There the inquisitors were. In the sporting goods section, interviewing everyone about the "incident". The rapture bunny was absent. Must have been on break. Those asked pretty much gave general answers about how ticked off I was but said I threatened no one. When they questioned Carl, his answer was "I didn't hear anything." They asked him three times. Same answer. My respect for this man jumped from negatives to right through the roof!
Later, I'm back in the supervisors office. Four other people were there. Three of his cronies & the jerk from the GI Joe affair. That was the capper. I flat out refused to sign.
To say they were a bit put out by it would be putting it mildly. I wasn't off balance this time & no one got anywhere. Sticking with their policy of "let 'em walk" I didn't lose my job.
The supervisor admitted the towel looked too much like the flag & though patriotism being all well & good but ..... in so many words, business was business & guidelines were guidelines. Ja! Ja! Und befehl ist befehl! Moloch must be fed. I wonder what those fools were thinking several months later when patriotism came back in style right after 9-11.
Well I go back & everybody was on break except for ..... the rapture bunny. Just him & I. There he was. On the phone. Talking to the supervisor .....
"Oh no! He wasn't really trying to ..... I mean he wasn't upset about ..... What he was really upset about was ....."
I could only stand & "marvel" at the sheer idiocy of the whole thing (If I said or did anything they'd add it to the "list".). In his eagerness to clear up a "misunderstanding" he confirmed/affirmed not only their conclusions but also was digging my grave deeper. How many people in graver situations have suffered because of the eagerness of "good citizens" to "clear things up"? How many have paid more due to the "helpfulness" of such unwanted "friends". With friends like these ..... who needs enemas?
Maybe he was doing it out of Christian "love". Maybe he thought he was doing the "right thing". All I know is innocent people around the world have gone through much worse than I because someone was being "helpful". Dictators thrive on that sort of thing.
About a month or two after this I walked. I took Carl aside & told him what I thought of him before & after the above incident & that I had nothing but the utmost respect for him. We shook hands & I left.
Rapture bunnies. If in the event the "situation" gets theologically ugly (Or it being only another one of many dark pages of history.), they'll be the first to take the MARK when the gospel of
Lindsey LaHaye doesn't pan out. When they see Jesus isn't going to be airlifting them out any time soon, they'll become disillusioned/disappointed & hitch their wagons to another star. They'll be the first to turn on you & rat you out. Toward the end they'll be warming themselves by fires fueled on volumes of the Left Behind series.
In the words of the noted survivalist writer,
Kurt Saxon: "The only rapture they'll feel is the taste of human flesh when they're hungry."
Oh yes. God bless you Carl, wherever you are.
Article copyright © 10-8-2011 Jay Agan
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